This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
So, I have texted older sis in Colorado if I can use her mailing address. I hope she says yes. It's ONLY Free Ebooks.
It doesn't hurt to have it checked. {{{{hugs}}}}
Our former IT guy was losing weight. Every time I saw him, I noticed it. It got to the point that he was skin and bones. I really thought he had cancer. Later, months later he dropped by our office. He had spent months going to the doctor trying to find out what was wrong with him. Everyone thought he was anorexic/ bulimic. He finally found out it was his thyroid and went to the Philippines for treatment.... Remember, ask for that test specifically for thyroid.
Time to get up. 7:27am.
I'm sorry to hear that your dad's medicare part B premiums are going up 52%. From what I've read online, that is happening to 30% of social security recipients. From what I've read, that applies to people who have other income that is above a certain amount.
I read this in the USA Today online article "Medicare Part B premiums to rise 52% for 7 million enrollees" Robert Powell, Special for USA TODAY 11:27 a.m. EDT October 14, 2015
I looked up the current part B premiums. For those with and individual tax return of $85,000 or less and those with a joint tax return of $170,000 or less, the premium for 2015 is $104.90.
When I compared that chart with the one from the USA Today article, it appears that some will continue to pay $104.90 in 2016 while for others it will increase to $159.30.
All of this is the result of not getting a cost of living increase in the social security payments according to what I read online.
Short note - LadeeC - Exactly how I am about praises. I didn't realize doing this is Self-Rejecting. New concept for me. I think this is an easier to goal to work on - than that cognitive therapy therapist wanted me to do. I should have told her that when given an assignment, and see ALL that I need to work on - I panic and flee the opposite direction.
Veronica - I'm really worried about her. So glad that hubby is really appreciating what caregivers go through. Please say I said Hi. Thanks, Ladee1. When she has time, I have sent her some private messages in her wall.
Ladee1 - Trust me, I know what you mean about your job. Hate it. Want to quit. For me, the money is always a consideration. I want to quit, then I don't want to quit. Drives me nuts. I don't know how many times I wanted to tell my boss, this past week, that I quit. Then, I remember that $6000 loan - and renew my desire to pay more than the minimum monthly.
As for that loan, I'm thinking of touching my emergency savings to pay off $1000 BUT, what if the bank decides to apply that $1000 to the interest and NOT to the principle? Then I wasted my emergency money.
I do appreciate all of you guys. I don't want to name names because I might miss someone. Just know that I really do appreciate you all. Thank you for the encouragement. {{{Hugs}}}
Let it work... (internet).. about to hit the Post Comment..
My personal habit is to 'throw away' compliments or positive gestures from other people, as though they never existed. Instead of taking what I hear and cherishing it and accepting it, my internal dialogue immediately runs one of these, "Oh, that's cr*p .. that was the daily obligatory" or "they wouldn't say that if they really knew me" or "what do I care what they think, I don't even like them" or (and this is the very worst of them), I hear "you're so STRONG (or whatever)" and I hear it as an insult, because what I really want to hear is "you're so sweet, nice, lovely... " There's a litany of variations on the themes. And I do it *so* unconsciously I never realize I'm doing it. It's a particularly vicious kind of self-rejection, cuz .. how do I STOP it, right?
There are some good answers to that question, but I'll save 'em for later. This isn't a lecture, lol .. it's meant as a sharing moment .. I GET it!! {{{{hugs}}}}
LadeeC
PS .. glad to be back. Didn't seem like I'd been gone so long, but I sure was. Time flies ...
Thank you for the Veronica update.
NO word yet on this potential job. First the end of last week, then the end of this week. What the heck!
Off the subject here, but every time I make up my mind, ok, this is it, have had enough of this job, the husband will do something so genererous that I always reconsider.... I barely got 20 hrs this week, with all the Dr's appt.... he paid me for all week..... my checking account is happy and I am grateful and of course told him that aslo... such a roller coaster ride I am on with this job.... don't know one day from the next what I am going to do... just makes me tired thinking about it....
We took just 5 days did stop at Dad's before we left and then later in the afternoon when we got back. Guess he didn't seem to notice I was gone that many days.
Hard freeze predicted tonight so I had to harvest what I could.
Our company of 3 - our medical insurance would be very high. I think my share would cover my 1 paycheck. So, what my boss did was join our company with his partner's auto companies - which is large. So, now, all we pay is about $160/month per person (and not over $600/month).
She still needs our prayers, but according to her husband it lifts her spirits to know so many love her and are checking on her.... so pass the word.... thanks everyone... sorry it was not better news, but she is still with us and for that we are grateful.....
The sun was shining today though and the autumn trees are gorgeous! Trying to remain present with all the good in my life. I wish you all a little blessing in your life today for being good people that do a REALLY hard job.