This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Midnight and dad is still talking.
I still like watching the Property Brothers. =)
Magnum, thanks, there is some excitement, actually probably closer to anxiety. I will get there.
Just remember to take deep breaths to help find calmness. {{HUGS}}
Since crystal balls don't exist like a GPS for our lives, let us more forward in looking at the other side of what scares us about major changes in our life to the other side of hope and faith that can have some excitement and hope about such a new future with the kind of changes going on in your life right now.
I could almost imagine an fictional discussion between two twins in their mother's womb. One says to the other, "I am not sure that I want to leave this place." Then comes a labor contraction and the other twin says, "I don't think we have any choice but to leave here soon. See ya on the other siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!"
I wish you the very best with these drastic, major changes in your life! May the sun rise to great you, and you find renewed strength and liveliness like a butterfly free from its cocoon as you more forward with your life. Take care. Do something nice for you.
Love, cyber hugs, and prayers!
My kids all live down there hope I get to see them more often. Looking forward to getting my sewing machine out of storage. Now grands range in age from 4-8. I can make all sorts of cute things for them. My mom taught me to sew when I was in fifth grade she was quite the seamstress and has her degree in home economics and textiles. A bit bittersweet thinking about. I am planning on making xmas dresses for the grandgirls. Purple corderoy, for whatever reason mom had about 10 yards of it, hemmed around the edges, maybe a tablecloth for one very, very long table. Who the heck knows!
I have my first appt with the cardiologist next monday.....am already prepared to tell him NO on any kind of surgery..... I hear he is a wonderful Dr and does not advocate the 'cutting route' unless it is life saving emergency... so am looking forward to finding ways to get healthier without a ton of other poison being put back in my body... love ya !!!
Book,sooooooo glad to hear from you... I hate the situation you are in... but support you no matter what... and HOORAY for you telling the bosses wife what you did..... that alone will take some of the pressure off.... just like I did with J about the way she speaks to me... she had been a 'good girl' ever since....
Glad, I want to quit my job and you can't find one, or aren't hearing as fast as you would like... life is so crazy..... and then we get crazy....so hope you hear something soon....
And JillyBean, I don't know you, but that was one powerful one word post..... so thank you for sharing that !!!! Awesome... but do hope things are getting better for you....
Everyone else... hope things were at least somewhat manageable for you today... sending gentle hugs and chocolate to you all.
LadeeC
Vstefans and Cmag, I understand where you're coming from. It was just terrible timing. That's all.
I'm just so tired all the time. Exhausted. It's dealing with stress at home and at work. Sometimes, if I really stop to think, I feel as if I'm about to crack. It's just a cycle I go through. I know the procedure. Just concentrate on each day.
Yesterday, I came home from work past 7pm. I was so swamped with work, and the accountant wants Septembers books - which I haven't even started on. Yesterday, I didn't even email 3 travel requests from my clients. Work is very stressful as it is - when dealing with the customers. It's doubled and tripled stress when bosses are nitpicking every single word I say, I write in my emails and my Decisions. Wife and I almost had it out over my client's situation. She got the call, took notes and handed it to me. Then when I dealt with the situation, she starts nitpicking my decision. I did my Very Best to Not Raise My Voice at her. She needs to back off. She didn't want to deal with it, gave it to me, so - Back Off! I rudely interrupted her and said, "All that other stuff is not important. What IS Important is - can we make the change NOW before the client leaves or after the client leaves? The airline answered my question. And I told the client that we will change his return flight After he leaves island tomorrow." Wife kept her mouth shut. If she wants to micromanage my clients - then she should have dealt with it when she got the call. When she gave it to me to handle - then I will handle it My Way. They are driving me crazy!
Sometimes, I want to give up on everything. I read an online blog about depression. I was surfing the web. The blogger said that people would ask her when their depression gets so bad, that they don't want to work at all, hate their jobs, etc.. - should the quit their job? Or should they continue to force themselves to get up and go to a job they hate. The blogger said that we each know our situations and need to determine it accordingly. However, from her experiences, it's best to keep the job and continue. I didn't finish the rest of her comments. I had what I needed. I will continue with my job BUT I will also need to keep track of ME. The other day, I was almost pushed over the edge at work. Fortunately, the boss did not 'have a talk with me.' There is only so much I can handle - and I had reached that limit - on that day. I still have $6000 car loan left to pay off.
New caregiver didn't show up today. Back to looking for another one.