This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I came home late from work at 7:30pm. Microwaved my dinner while chopping up my avocados, and taking out some hot (hot pepper) pickled papaya that Uncle makes so delicious.
The new caregiver will start this Saturday. I saw how yucky our sink is and how stuffed our fridge is with 'old food'. Right after eating, I tackled the sink. The left side of the sink haven't been clean in months. The drain strainer was stuck. Poured dish soap, pulled hard on the middle thingy - and broke it. Drano finally worked to unclog the hardened sides. While clearing out the fridge, I realized that I haven't came on here to read the current update. (Referring to you, Ladee.) I almost left my cleaning undone. But had more self control. I hate cleaning and I would have conveniently forgotten to finish where I left off.
Okay, 9pm and dad keeps yelling out. He wants his pamper change now. Gotta go.
So, am feeling better, a ways to go in the resting department.... but my bed thinks I have become it's new best friend.....lol.... so each and every one of you are so special in my heart... I don't have to know you personally to appreciate what you do every day, and night..... we are not alone... one of these days, we are going to have a Caregiver Convention.... wouldn't that just be awesome... we would be the ones with sweats on, chocolate around our mouth and dripped on our shirts, ratty hair because going to the salon is such a far fetched idea most of us never even think of it....and wrinkles, not only on our faces, but our clothes too.... we have no idea how to dress anymore.... and sorry, my comfort is one thing I won't give up and could care less what others think..... so hope to meet some of you someday...... if not here, then in Caregiver Heaven, cause I absolutely believe there is such a place , reserved just for us... thanks to you all... feeling better today.... so lots to be grateful for.... ya'll are included in that list... hugs to everyone, and boxes of Caregiver Crack to all those that want some.....
Moonflower, ask the OT to help her/show her how to bathe.. they can and should. after all, its part of activity of daily living. Good luck!!
LadeeC
Hope you are doing better and will be home again soon!
Ladee, you must nap as much as you want!
Breakfast is going to be late.
So glad you are better, with sense of humor intact, Ladee1.
Did end up going to ER, the pressure on my chest continued to worsen, so called my son and off we went... this is so hard to explain, I just didn't feel like myself.... I am 'body aware' and this was just different... they did the requisite blood tests and chest Xray, asked 12 million questions. I do have an appt with a cardiologist next month, if things get worse, the appt will be moved up.
I woke up so tired yesterday, but it was a different kind of tired, again, hard to explain..... and as the day wore on just felt worse and worse... and don't think I haven't thanked God a million times for being in the Dr's office when it happened....I just pray I wasn't 'saved' for more caregiving..... lol.... that would be a punishment... but think I will be taking some of the awesome talent of mine and applying it to myself now....lol.
Hopefully there will be medications to take care of this, as cutting on Ladee is not an option , at least not now.... so I am going to take my exhausted butt back to bed. Love you all, and thanks for prayers and love and support... It means more to me than words in a forum... hope you all know that...will keep ya'll updated.... if you don't hear from me, only means I am sleeping... hugs and chocolate!!!! I told the Dr that chocolate was Caregivers Crack.... we couldn't function without it..... love to all.
I can't remember nor have the patience to scroll backwards to find the 2nd book.
By the way, via a recommendation from another poster, the $4.00 hardcover book "August - by Judith Rossner - finally came in. I ordered it in 26Aug, and I finally got it today, 30Sep. Hmmm. Seller described it as Very Good. Ha! Liar, exaggerator. The cover was torn. It reminds of how a paper looks after a cockroach has eaten the portion of it. So, I took off the cover.
You know, I never got to finish reading "Love Never Sleeps by Mary Summer Rain" . A book of the writer's friend and her mother's journey through Alz. Can you believe her friends siblings objected to her adding a room for her mom when she moved in? They only had 2 bedrooms and it was one for each roommate. Doesn't this remind you of some of the siblings we read here? They don't want her to spend their mom's money for their mom's sake.
But, now with your mild heart attack... I couldn't believe that you had one! And how very fortunate that you were at the clinic when it happened. They were able to catch it and send you to the ER. You know,most women get the signs of a heart attack but it's not like the men's symptoms. We tend to shrug it off as stress. So, you were very, very fortunate! I don't see this as coincidence. Divine intervention - because you have done so much good to others, that God made sure you had your mild attack in a medical facility.
Something similar happened to me. Dizzy spells all the time. I went to the clinic for severe stomach pain (undiagnosed complex ovarian cysts). At the end of my appointment on my way out of the room behind the doctor, I had another dizzy spell. I felt myself falling and couldn't block my fall because I had no control of my body. Since I was looking up as I was walking out, my head remained in that position as I was falling. I saw the nurse eyes widened and screamed as she saw me falling. As I continued to fall, I saw the doctor quickly turn around, before I slammed onto the wall. The doctor reached me before I fell to the floor. THAT was when we discovered my heart sounded awful. From a scale of 1 to 7, 7 being the worse, it was a 6. I don't think that was coincidence. Just as I don't think yours happening at the clinic was a coincidence. Someone up there - is looking after us. Of course, YOU got the message and getting out of caregiving. {{frowning}} I'm stubborn and foolhardy, and still caregiving despite the wake-up call.
I'm just so glad that you caught yours in time. I'm really, really glad. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Dad's new paid caregiver will be starting to work this Saturday. I sure hope Dad really likes her. She works regularly at the nursing home. I think I can learn some stuff with her. We will see. Oh, I just reminded myself to type notes for dad's care on Saturdays... which pills for which time, etc...
By the way, you guys made me laugh talking about your bra. I wish you can 'give me just a tiny bit'. Not too much. I hate to look funny with a skinny frame and an oversize breast under 5 feet tall. I'm not greedy.
Pam, I've been researching on how to lose weight (more like the tummy.) From what I read - several mini meals a day, no late snacks, etc... I'm failing on the drinking water. and other stuff too.. .at least I shared that grape soda with dad (and not drink the whole can)!