This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
OK... so I need your support (lol) here. I am starting a diet again tomorrow. WW as it is. I feel fine when I look in the mirror. but then I see a picture of myself and What the Heck??? How did that happen?? My fat clothes are tight! Mom eats almost nothing, and hubs and I cook ALOT to try to tempt her. I am sort of short and this is no longer avoidable! First I have to dump the beer drinking...LOL but fruit and veg are in the house!
I know it's been said before, but these people have no flaming idea how lucky they are to have you. Cash would be nicer, I know, but meanwhile here are hugs in lieu.
He goes to play dominoes Fri. afternoons.... at first he was 5 minutes late, then 10, and this past Fri he is an hour late... J bouncing off the walls worried about him, me trying to calm her down, the youngest daughter calling to make sure the weekend was covered....and I went over the edge. Told the youngest daughter I was being taken advantage of and I would not keep doing this...
Go to do my last night and all kinds of chaos !!!! It is one medical catastrophe after another with this family... the kids, their spouses... and I finally had to draw a line....I just hate it that I give a damn, get taken advantage of every single time. But with a deep sigh of releif I drove away from there last night knowing they were either going to sink or swim.....I am simply the caregiver, not the glue that holds all that chaos together.... so onward, with a smile on my face, to do what I was hired to do.... lots of hugs to all of you..just sucks that we can do this, and we do, every day. love to all of you.
Veronica, I am sure would like to hear from any of us!
Ms. V, please get to feeling better soon. What you have missed!
I remember a time when I could get all of my school clothes for the year for what I paid for this purse. Scary.
By the way, if you think my spending $160 on 2 medium size bags is frivolous. You haven't met my fave sis who spends $300 on a Michael Cor stiff purse that doesn't even have a zipper on top! $300!!!! Since our weather is either rain or shine, i asked sis what happens when it rain? Won't her stuff get wet? SIL also buys expensive purses. I still buy the $15.00 ones if it catches my eyes. Yes, I do have lots of purses... and lots of shoes....
Talking about shoes. I bought my very first rain boots! Nice shiny black. I found it in the children's dept @ kmart. I couldn't believe I fit a size 2! Now when I take out the trash to the road, or go to the washing machine in the back, I can wear this rain boots without getting my feet wet. I hate it when my flip-flops get wet and squishy and slippery. It was $17.99. I only found out when I got home that it was on sale for $10-some. If I had known, I would have bought the bright red ones, too. =)
I've read of so many posters whose mother sounds like yours. She sounds narcissistic. On the top right of this page, there's a SEARCH box. Why don't you try typing 'narcissistic mothers". The ongoing theme is that they tend to hurt those around them, yet hug all the attention.
Have you seen this thread:
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/borderline-personality-Narcissistic-mother-142833.htm
JessieBelle, oops, I almost thought you were talking about your health. But the more health problems you mentioned, I figured it was her. Does your mom need a new bed? If my dad needs something but it's not necessary, and he's being wishy-washy, I tend to ignore him. Hmmmm, yes? Okay. No? Okay. In one ear and out the other. ... If it's something I think he needs, I approach him like a salesperson... It's very old, lumpy, filthy- see how it's black? That's mold. Moldy pillow is not good for you. It causes all these health problems - breathing problems, coughing, etc.. Once I'm done with my pitch, I would conclude, " I think we should get rid of the old one. I'll get a new one." This can go on several times before he finally says yes.
I just took my mom into my home on 8/31; she is comfortable there and used to it now. I don't know what I will do now... I have court on 10/6 with my rotten brother who is petitioning for guardianship too! This has truly been the absolute worst month of my life. I feel broken now; like why bother going on? I really can't handle anything more being thrown at me.
She said "someone is in here"
My husband said " oh good then you don't need me". Lol
I reassured her everything was fine!