This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Charlotte, I actually was relieved when I read your words above. I have toned down a bit since I found this site 3 years ago. Bedridden dad and I always argued a lot with lots of shouting. I would keep everything in and when he push me too far, my anger just boils over. I lost my temper. We rarely do that now. He's deteriorating fast physically and mentally. And he still refuses to assign anyone POA.
Dad is sneaking his hand into his front pants. Ha! Caught him!
Charlotte –I admire you having the patience to just allow her to always be right. I’m still struggling with that – with my dad.
Luckylu, my dad is just like your mom. I can explain my full day’s work and he just gives me a blank look. Kind of hard to reason with someone who no longer can think reasonable 24/7.
Ladee1, Ha! I didn’t even know we had new hugs. Shows that I haven’t sent a Hug to anyone today. Hmm.. did I send any yesterday? Can’t remember. {{chuckling}} oh, yeah… grateful today…that uhm assignment completely slipped my mind… Oh yes! I did stop very briefly when I left the office this afternoon and saw the quarter moon was out – in the daylight. I briefly stopped to admire the moon. I love looking at the moon!
Hi Johnjoe, yep, I agree, this is a great place to vent or find tips or share some humor with those who Get It. Unlike family, when you make a caregiver’s joke, they have this blank look.
A special Thank You to Admin for the new hugs !!!!! Love them !!!
Hope everyone found one thing to be grateful for today.
And yes LadeeC, we will save our little money and finally have some freedom...one day.... hugs to you my friend, so happy we are both here again... Hugs and love to you all.
Sendme2help; Oregano oil is fabulous. Did you know that you can take a few drops under your tongue (it has to be PURE oregano oil) to ward off colds or to help cure them quicker?
I Sat down on the table, drank the iced tea and took a few bites. Not even 2 minutes into my meal, the person across me asked if I was okay. I misheard her and said that both of my bosses are fine. (Since she did ask me how I was when I first sat on their table, I figured she was asking about my bosses.) She gave me a puzzled look. The person beside her looked at me, and asked me if I was okay. I said yes. They both asked me if I'm sure. Yes, I'm sure. They asked me if I feel funny.
I sat there thinking. Their questions reminded me sooooo much of my brother and his gf asking me repeatedly if I was okay - after I had put on the sunblock and immediately turned super red and face bloated. I asked them Why are they asking. They said that my face is red. I don't have a mirror on me. But just in case, I immediately took Benadryl. I sat there staring at my plates. Which food caused me to have an allergic reaction? The only unknown thing - is the salad dressing. But just in case, I decided not to eat my side plate of salad. I got full fast because I didn't know I was attending this function and drank my ice coffee throughout the morning. Too bad I didn't make a pig of myself - esp. since it's Free food at a hotel! Oh, I'd better refill my Benadryl supply that I keep in my purse. I took the last one today....
Now, all I have to do is cope with at least two deaths, before that will happen.
My good news tho, I filed for my SS, was informed that I would not receive it until next year. WHAAAAT??? There was a box at the end of the application to ask questions, ect... I stated I thought I could get it this year. Got a call from someone from SS Saturday morning.... I had done something wrong on the application, she fixed it, right then, so will be getting my SS AND retro pay.... I finally have a tiny 'nest egg' to start building more savings....... I let go of so much stress that day, I had an adrenline headache all day.... it's about time I finally got a break.... thanks be to my Higher Power..... so much pressure off of me.... now I can really get serious about getting out of caregiving..... I feel like I can breathe. I won't abondon the family I am with now. We are working things out... after this one ends... I AM DONE CAREGIVING.... woot woot !!!
Hope this idea helps, cause sinusitis can make one grouchy. So can gerd sx.
Be well.
Ladee1, sorry, I didn't realize I haven't visited this thread since 3 days ago. Great that you're slowly but surely making snail-pace progress with the family. Let's keep our fingers crossed (is that superstitious?) that it continues to progress.
LADEE1 is the friend of Veronica who keeps us posted about V's health.
Maybe LADEEC doesn't yet know about Veronica's hospitalization and amazing recovery, enough to be at home for rehabilitation. Welcome back, LadeeC !
Posting the link to Veronica's page again for any that would like to send her well wishes now that she has returned home though still weak.