This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Told her it would have been no fun for her, had I finally made it there, curled up in the fetal position, sobbing hysterically and wondering who was going to come to Galveston to take me home, and tow my car...... the other option was, her getting a call from HPD saying there was a woman on a ledge saying she knew her... !!!!!
So I tried... told her from now on, if we couldn't find something to do on the west side of Houston, that we would just have to call, text, email and FB... cause I ain't EVEN going to put myself thru that again.....
And did I end up in the WORST part of Houston.... well, of course.... but I am telling ya'll,, had anyone dared to hassle me, I was on the verge of going off the deep end.... after a few seconds of that kind of crazy, ya just leave people alone.......
I'm laughing now.... but that ordeal was hours ago.... I came home and took a 7 hour nap...... so ya, I had an adventure, just not the one I was expecting..........Man it was good to see the rolling hills and trees and cattle.... nope, I am a country girl now..... the end..
Ladee, I'm 6 hours too late to miss your last post before your trip. Still, I wish you some great fun while away!
Ladee, enjoy your weekend to Galveston, there is a song by that name, correct? Just kidding!
More later, getting ready for my little trip.... need coffee !!
He went to Mom's day care, and the people there were some of my strongest advocates. They saw what good care my mom was receiving. That was probably my smartest move, willingly offer him information. I called the day care to tell them he was on his way and asked they make mom available to him. They did. He was quite pleased with what he found and reports he received about me. So pleased in fact, that we did not see the investigator again for about six weeks. Yes, that was stressful, but I also realized that if he was concerned about anything he found, he would have been more persistent about talking with me and L.
It was my twisted sisters that requested the investigation, though the day care is required by law to report if they think anything is amiss. At the end of the investigation the twisteds received a response that there is nothing to investigate, that was all there was to it. When the investigator came to tell us that he was closing the case, he was so kind to me. Told me what an excellent job I was doing, that I was doing the right thing, and gave me a big hug. That would get those twisteds if they had any idea of all of the places I have received emotional support.
So, Deborah, try to relax, if it was your brothers that requested the investigation, APS, I was told, sees vindictiveness in families all the time. They will recognize if there are any issues of concern. If you try to hide anything, that will make them suspicious. So, just cooperate with whatever they want. In fact, I would call them today, tell them where Mom's day care is, and tell them they are welcome to go chat with Mom there.
As for your brothers, rant and rave all you want here. Get the bitterness out of your system. The anger will always be there until we decide to set boundaries and cut our ties with these negative relatives. (I'm still working on that - because I don't want to completely cut ties with my siblings.)
Will you be okay? Please keep us updated on what's happening with APS. I hope your mom is enjoying the adult daycare. You take care.
Veronica - I miss you. Your friends miss you. All I want to say is - it's okay to speak out if you think something's wrong or needs attention. Wishing you a speedy and accurate recovery!
Ladee... I noticed you changed your avatar. I copied and pasted it on the Word document so that I can enlarge it. I saw the cat's expression. And laughed. Of course, you would choose a tough cat! Enjoy your weekend!
Sendme - I could have sworn you had another avatar this morning. I just can't remember what it was. A dog? Anyway, I read that the eye was from a cow? I thought it was that big white flying animal in The Neverending Story. Guess I was wrong.
Glad - I laughed at your comment. I sometimes wonder if I no longer have this job, would I be desperate enough to apply for a position in the gov't caregiver program? I think about it for a few seconds, and then reject it immediately.
Sendme - Sudoko? I can't stand that game. It requires too much thinking. I get hooked for hours playing on the kindle the 'find' this hidden object. Love those colorful faeries and the background music is good, too. When done playing, I have a terrible headache and neckache from staying in one position too long. Connect Four sounds good.
Veronica - maybe hubby can get playing cards? or download Solitaire and Spider Solitaire in your electronic device. I rarely play it. I prefer the real cards - so that I can cheat ... and win. Can't cheat on the electronics. I also love to play the Pyramid.
Yesterday I got a call from APS - Adult Protective Services. My brothers filed the complaint on me; as if I would ever cause my mom harm. I am keeping her safe and comfortable. I have been caring for her for two years while she lived independently ~ which she can no longer do. We are transitioning right now between her apartment and my house. Hoping that will make it easier for her, but it's exhausting for me. I have so much resentment building up in me towards my brothers. They saw mom on Christmas and then not again until Mother's Day. They don't spend any time with her; take her food, or even call her and now I'm the one being investigated. My heart hurts and I'm having trouble focusing at work today. I keep crying unexpectedly and am worried about the outcome ~ this has been a BAD week!
Even though you can probably win, just let him win a little. Enjoy the game. There is always Sudoko.