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Prayers for your complete recovery real soon!!!
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Answered prayers for our dear Veronica, still quite a ways to go. We are all pulling for you, get well!
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Thank GOD her spirits are up. Veronica, you are such a blessing to us. You have helped me so many times, you were the first one to reach out to me. Love & Prayers!
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Poor sleep last night as I was overtired and probably coming down from stress levels from dads visitors yesterday. Stopped in this morning he thought we were going somewhere? But sad to say he did not remember all his guests yesterday.
I have photos on my iPad and phone to show him and get copies made.
Today I did not accomplish much but had a late afternoon nap which certainly helped.
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Hope your health continues to improve Veronica!
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Hooray, Veronica! Keep getting better!
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Just copied and pasted his email, easier that way.... so sounds as tho she is on the mend, the stuff going on with her lungs can be treated.... so it is sounding better every day..... he is reading to her as he said..... thank you all for loving one of our own back to wellness..... love and hugs to you all.....
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Update on Veronica, via her husband

I am going to write a general update for everyone. I am so busy and stressed out that I just can't get everything done, pay all the bills, travel 140 miles round trip and help a tenant who has been unjustly charged with assault by a sociopathic woman who actually assaulted her first. So far the Public Defender looks useless, as is the norm around here. Tell Book she can call me Mike if she wishes, or even Dr. Mike if she wants to be very formal!

Veronica has been on the mend for the last 2-3 days, but I think she has developed pleurisy, which usually means some form of pneumonia underneath. It may just stay localized but I have to check if they did a sputum culture. The chest X-ray they just did will tell us much more.

She feels like she could try swallowing again, which is a very good sign. It means that she is regaining a little muscular strength. The Docs are making sure she does not have some generalized neurological or muscle disorder. I think the consensus at the moment is that she has severe malnutrition. They are feeding her well IV. They plan to insert a J- tube in a couple of hours under a general anesthetic. This will allow them to start feeding her via the intestine as well as the TPN.

Apart from the pleuritic pain, her spirits are on the up and up. I have been reading messages to her as they come through, but I think I'll do it again in a day or two when she is feeling better.

My main worry now is that they will postpone the J-tube due to a chest infection.

I would just like to add that it has been wonderful of you all to provide such abundant care, love and support. I appreciate that too.

I will update you all as things progress and as I get a chance.
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I bought a bottle of EsterC (?) before my trip. I was desperately finding ways to immunize my body before flying. I always have to be careful when taking pills or food. I think this long term caregiving and full time tense job- constant stress daily for over 20 years- had finally affected my immune system. I'm just barely under age 50 and I'm allergic to more and more things. (Thank goodness Excedrin isn't one of it!). Well, stress and having had severe endometriosis for years. Anyway, because I don't know how I would react to pills, I started off with 1 EsterC daily. Every night my ears will be screaming this high pitch noise. I ignored it. A few days later, teeny tiny rashes on lips. Okay, time to stop. Lastnight, my eyes landed on the EsterC several times. No, I will stick to chicken soup and OJ. Thanks for the tip though. Last night, all I could think of is that this Saturday is my turn to work.

I woke up this morning with the alarm screaming. Tried to ignore it. I looked at the time. 6:29am! I slept through 2 alarms. I'm soooo tired. Well, typing one finger is long. Now, it's 6:54 am! Time to get up.
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Yes, Send, though I am feeling it a bit, especially in my legs. Though I did not do much of the heavy lifting. The worst part of both moves was that SIL put a gallon bottle of liquid laundry detergent in a box upside down? Who would do that? Well, it got on many things! I sat on my butt and washed and rinsed things that got detergent on them. I was a sticky mess by the time we were finished.
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Glad, you made it to be with your daughters! Good for you, not allowing 'stuff' and T-1 & T-2 stop you. You are seeming to do so well in spite of challenges.
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Book, you need to get some EmergenC. I swear by the stuff, if you take too much it will cause diarrhea. I did that the first time I took it, but sure knocked the cold out of me! When I get sick, it tends to take at least a couple of weeks to start feeling well again. With EmergenC, only a few days. Thought I felt something coming on yesterday, no EmergenC, I think it was exhaustion from helping both daughters with moves over the weekend. I am not feeling at all sick this morning. Thank goodness!
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Ladee, I remember the time I hired a paid caregiver for Saturdays. When I come home tired, she had mopped the livingroom, fed dad real food (not just the nutrient drink) and changed his pamper. There was that one time, I was soooo grateful for her, I wanted to hug her. I still envy you Paid Caregivers. It would be soooo nice to go home and just destress from it all. Of course, just like my current job, I would dread every morning to go back to doing caregiving. Even in my fantasies, I dread going to my caregiving 9-5 job (work for the gov’t caregiver). That’s how I know that I just cannot do caregiving at all – as an occupation. But, I can also see first hand how my dad verbally mistreats them, and they just continue to smile as if it’s nothing. They continue to cajole him to do what they want. I soooo do not have the patience for that! Yeah, you’re right. I would have to be a very good actress to do your paid job!!!

Today, at work, I was so not feeling well. Lethargic. Front face feels like it has a fever, yet when I touch it, it’s very very slight. I just didn’t feel good at all. Still don’t. But just in case I’m getting sick, I stopped by the grocery store and bought some chicken vegetable soup (can’t stand the chicken noodle soup) and some OJ. I drank that OJ as if I was dying of thirst. I’m getting sick. You see, I don’t like OJ. At all. The only time I can drink it – is when I’m sick. And then when I do drink it while sick, it is so very delicious! When I’m healthy, I drink it, and I’m showing faces of distaste. I’m so tired. I have to change dad’s pamper now.
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Crowded, your FIL is only 82 years old? And you have a 3 year old? As the years go by, FIL will get worse healthwise, and your 3 year-old will be growing up. Have you all checked in your area for respite services? Someone who can come to your home and be with FIL so that you/hubby can go out? How about strongly encouraging FIL to attend adult daycare (which costs money.)? I’d also do a follow-up visit with your doctor about your head pressures. Don’t keep putting it off. You really don’t want to wait until whatever it is – causes you seizures or black outs. As for me, I would find it scary – and keep putting off seeing the doctor. But, I’m not married nor do I have kids. So, no real incentive to go to the doctor. At least you can find out why the head pressures. Right?

Jillybean, I hope you took advantage of today being easy. Recoup for tomorrow, when it’s busy.

Jazzy, that’s a good goal – to put some time for our health. I tend to do mine all in 1 week. Set up all these appointments – dental, medical (like mammo), and don’t forget my car’s maintenance.

SherylBeth, when I first found this site, about 3 years ago, I was reading all over the site – even on subjects that doesn’t deal with my situation. But as I read all over, I learned what to expect in the future, what some posters did and did not do. I took all kinds of notes and saved in file – with the weblink for easy finding. After 2 years of reading people’s advice of Document, Document, Document – I finally started doing that last year. Thank Goodness I did that! Dad is beginning to accuse me of stealing his money. I have all the receipts.

Hi RuthAnn!
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CM, no , I think we all pretty much would like to be doing something else...but there always has to be a few who are so miserable they want everyone else to feel the same way... it all works out in the end.....and there are some awesome folks on her now.... love the atmosphere here now....
No news on V, wrote to her last night via her husbands email... have been doing that everyday, guess we have to look at it like no news is good news... I do know because of her caloric and protein deficit, that is why she was unable to swallow...that is why they did the feeding tube, .she will have a long rehab.... if you want to send her a note, I will PM you my email address, her husband wants it this way..... he is reading them to her.... so just let me know....
So ya, running like the wind sounds sooooo good..... deep sigh... so catch ya later after I go do my good deeds for the day, remember, I get to come home at the end of the day !!!! lol....
Love, hugs, angels and chocolate..... be good to yourself today...
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LadeeM, whoever said 'at least you get to go home' kind of missed the point that every single day you have to force yourself to go to work, too. How many of us wouldn't, on a given day, just run like the wind..?

Any news on V? Have I missed an update thread? Hugs and thanks to you x
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V E R O N I C A G E T W E L L S O O N ! ! !
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Ladee, there are a few here that have gotten terribly nasty with many, a few that started to try with me. If I ignore it, they will go away. I think sometimes that we take out our frustrations on each other when we are over the top stressed. We all work with the stress of caregiving one way or the other. And I will tell you, I certainly would not have cared for my mom and L for four years if I was sensitive to criticism, vindictiveness, you name it, from my own twisted sisters. This experience has made me stronger than the two of them together. They tried to fight me for so long, and I eventually won, was able to get most of what I wanted, the sibs look like idiots just a bit more each day. You would think they would realize it. But, those darn narcissists, it is all about them, what they do right, and what everybody else does wrong. I do not know if I had been able to do the four years without the support of many excellent caregivers, regardless of their daily tasks or hours, and there are many, many of them.
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Thanks Glad, I think I was having a 'knee jerk' moment..... because one comment sticks in my head to this day.... ' At least you get to go home', and at the time, I was also taking care of a grown son who had had a terrible car accident.... many broken bones, almost lost his leg. So ya, I got to go home,or to his home. I was fortunate to be working for a family close by and was able to run to his home and help him use the bathroom, get him some lunch, ect... he was in bed for a long time.....
I did understand intellectually why the person said what they did....she was tired and NEVER got a break.... so I think i just tried to be more sensitive to those that are doing this 24/7. Ya, the feelings are the same.....but I also have limitations..... I can not slam a door because I want this person to just stop whining for a few minutes.....I can not get irritated, and let that be heard in my voice....and then trying to juggle all the yammering family, that have different ideas and ways of going about things.....One lady wanted a 'servant'... uh, excuse me.... not my job description....
Maybe I just add all this extra stress on myself... but my name and caregiving reputation is what makes my living..... I have excellent references..... and this is a small town.... one lady I have worked with in the past, another caregiver, called the police on one of her clients, accusing abuse..... only because she was angry..... that woman will never work again, not in this town anyway.....so it's different, yet the same..... I don't always know how to share I guess.... I am very vocal, and straightforward....and I am passionate about elders receiving good care.....I apparently have trouble taking my job seriously, but not taking myself so seriously...if that makes sense..... Thank God I have a sense of humor tho and can laugh at myself..... after the fact!!! Not during !!! lol...
So I appreciate the support, and none of those people who gave me such a hard time are here anymore..... and being PAID and on this site was a struggle....so I got a lot of negative messages about sharing what was my JOB.... that I was TRAINED, well, uh, I have never been TRAINED to not be human......
Thank you Glad, for providing a safe place for me to share some things that have been bothering me for a very long time..... maybe I won't be so reluctant to share the bad times....Tho I do like to share the positive outcome also.... I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.....
Mercy, what a can of worms I upended.... thanks for all of you who support a PAID caregiver , and realize that I am human first, then a caregiver..... feels good to be back.... hugs across the miles to all of you...
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Jazzyfox, glad to hear you are taking care of you! My sister and I joked last night that mom will out live us ( shes 91) and doc said her lab work was perfect he couldn't believe it. Well I said when so many people are focusing on one persons health they are in better health than we are. We all must remember our own health is important too! I hope to take my own advice soon. Have a happy week all summer is almost over, soak in a bit of sun before its gone.
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Sherylbeth, the journey you enbark on is a well traveled road with many people to help show you the way. Always remember focus on the day, don't look forward don't look back this will help you through. Many great people here will give you the support you may not have at home. Share as often as you like. I also blog about my experiences( when I have time) that seems to help me. It takes a village, lets us be your village. Best to you and those you care for. Ruth Anne
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Yes that is my question. Any replies would be appreciated. Thanks all!
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Ladee, some people here, I think, sometimes look for an opportunity to criticize and help us feel even more guilty than we do already. This is a very difficult job and until one does it, day to day,paid or not will never understand. I am sure others in non-caregiving jobs have their rough days too. Hearing about yours is supportive to others. It is difficult whether you do it eight, ten, twelve, or 24 hours a day many of the issues are the same.
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The start of a new week is always challenging. I am looking forward to dealing with my health concerns and not the parents. Going to make a special effort to look after me this week!
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Today is an easy day. Tomorrow is gonna be busy.
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V E R O N I C A , We are missing you while you are ill and in the hospital. Sincerely hoping and praying that recovery for your appendecitis with sepsis will be rapid, and you will soon be able to return home with your husband. We thank your husband for notifying us of your illness, and thanking Ladee for keeping everyone updated. Your husband and you are in our prayers. I am trusting God concerning you. Be well soon. You are missed by your friends here.
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I read all the stories here as i prepare to take care of mom, 86, who has mild/moderate ALZ. My only remaining sibling has cancer and has had 2 strokes, so its just me. I pray for strength, as much as all of you on here have. Mom gets along ok now with me assisting with all finances, appts, shopping, etc. But i know that the next 6 months will find me in a different level of care for her. I see what you all go through, paid or not, and i respect you all for the love, care, and strength you show daily. There is a special place in heaven for your sacrifices done in the name of love and compassion. I do wish that each of you time for yourselves and family...and pray that some day the laws change so that there is more help for us that doesnt put our lived ones and us in the poor house while we try to care for our loved ones, mostly on our own. You are all an inspiration to me...even in your bad days!! Please never doubt the support and appreciation you have from those folks like me who know your sacrifices and welcome the insight into what will also become my world soon enough.
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ramiller,

I see that an answer has been posted on the thread, "What do I do about VA Aid benefits if mom go to rehab" Is that the one you are referring to?
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crowded,

You and your husband are missing out on things as a couple and parents by your husband being so absorbed in his dad's care. Are there not other options for your FIL's care? It appears to me that your husband is putting honoring his dad ahead of honoring his marriage and being an involved dad himself. This is not an infrequent theme, but that does not make it right.

The other day, I gave a wife who had been overly involved with her mom and was detaching some advice about going out on a date with her husband and do romantic couple things that would just fully engage her and her husband in the fun of just going out as a couple.

I think we can get so stuck in the serious things of adult responsibilities that we loose the fun of being alive as a couple which is re-energizing.

Your constant head pressure from that car accident needs to be looked into by a neurologist. Please take care of yourself and call to make an appointment in the morning.

I further think that once addressing this head pressure problem, that you and your husband talk about his dad's care, how the current situation is impacting your marriage as well as your young child, and ask for ideas for change which is needed now.

Let us know how things go.

Love, prayers and hugs!
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A caregiver is as a caregiver does. Love you all!
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