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I agree Daughter. It is strange to be alone with no requirements on your life now. I don't have to make breakfast and dinner unless I want to. I can do what I want. That does not mean I don't miss him. I do, very much. It takes awhile to get used to the freedom. And, I am NOT going to take on another man. I am 73, Healthy and free. I miss him dearly, but I KNOW he would understand. We were both very active. He just did not know how to cook. Neither do I, but we made it. I made meals that you would not put in a recipe book. But, at least we ate. I am not a women a man would choose if he wanted a hands on caregiver. HOWEVER, I fell in LOVE DEEPER with him over the years. So, I TRIED really hard. It seems unnatural to wake up and not have to get up. It is strange to go out in the car to the store and take as much time as I want. OR to leave the house a mess for today.

Yes it takes time to adjust. I still miss him awful. But, I will make it. He is "Saving me a Place. Have you heard that song? Save a place for me? It is beautiful. Go to Utube and find it and listen. If you have lost a husband, partner or someone you love very much, this is your song.
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Daughter52, so happy you now have peace of mind. Im looking forward to being able to 'be a daughter' again without all the worrying about whether im doing the right thing, or the wrong thing, or whether mom is safe. What happened with her that caused the change to take place??
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Daughter52, Hugs to you. A new beginning for you. Thanks for sharing!
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I'm so happy for you, daughter52. Go exploring and learn the new you. Hugs to you!
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SusanA43...Sooooo true about not knowing what to do with yourself and your newfound freedom. I keep on thinking I should be doing something. It is now my journey to discover what and how to spend the time. It's relaxing and lovely.
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Wow...big changes since I last came to the site. Mom is finally---finally in long term care. She took a big turn last week in her memory loss that began with emergency room visit and bloodwork and CT scan. They all checked out but the memory condition deteriorated to the point that I could not even work part time anymore. Anyway, she was placed and I finally have the freedom and peace that I craved for so many years. Certainly, it is strange. The biggest thing I notice is that I can finally be a daughter again. I can finally love her and her place in my life without the day to day frustration. I was not a loving human being anymore and I am finding myself again.
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AC is working ok for me, bookluvr. It seems slow. It could be temporary. Check back.
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Since I woke up, AC having problem going from my NewsFeed to any topic that I tap. I've been shutting and reopen this site trying to get into a specific thread . Finally got in via my Activities.

That's great news Falcon. Those meds!
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Oh my Gosh Jude, that is AMAZING! I do hope that the changes do last! Isn't it incredible just how some medications can affect people differently? What a Wise Dr your Mum was thankfully assigned to and that he was able to detect the possible affects they may have had on her! I also learned through this grapevine that you have found a new place, and that your move is going forward, thank goodness! We have all been worried about you, especially while you were incognito enjoying your much deserved vacation! I do hope you were able to recharge your batteries for the big move, and for your Mum comming home. She will be comming home soon will she? Well try to enjoy the quiet while it lasts anyways! I'm always thinking about you Sweetie!
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OK I am in deep deep shock. I have been noticing small changes (for the better) in Mum's behaviour before she went into hospital but put it down to the ups and downs of dementia - especially mixed dementia - you know how it goes one moment two of you are int the room then it seems like 3 are there because of the changeover. Well Mum is now home and it is as if she doesn't have dementia at all. She's a bit dithery (aren't we all) she is eating for Britain instead of picking and picking fault with everything. Example yesterday she had already had a roast chicken dinner in hospital at lunch time, she had an 8 oz jacket (baked?) potato for tea with 4 oz of tuna and mayo a banana and about a cupful of custard then she ate 1/4 pack biscuits then wanted 4 dry crackers and cheese and then had a couple more cookies (sorry you don't call them biscuits do you?and blow me down she wanted a sandwich. She is still repetitive (very) and her walking is slow but the improvement since they removed ALL her meds and started again is dramatic I mean really dramatic.

The doctor we have is amazing and I love him to pieces but in fairness he said he was staggered by my knowledge - all thanks to you guys - and that I bothered to look things up I didn't understand and that I do it alone without the help (Hmm help? not so sure they help!) of social services. he is really pleased with Mum's progress and said he would like her to be reassessed in 6 months - he thinks that the meds she was on were interfering with the donepezil to some extent and that is why we are seeing so much progress. God I love that man and I so wish I could tell you his name but of course I won't. But boy does he deserve praise
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If I ever get the time to sculpt her, that will absolutely be her name and I will keep her.... my friend Donna will want her, but , no, think I will keep this wonderful lady for myself...
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Oh I love that too Falcon... possible Enisi Sequoia, yes.... I love that, thanks for completing our lady..... hugs
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if you want a first name perhaps grandma sequoia would be ok or enisi its cherokee for grandma
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Got outside today and went for a bike ride. Feels so good to leave all the negativity at home and have a change of scenery. Of course, it was after I cleaned all three bathrooms, swept the kitchen floor and drove them to breakfast! Still I'm so thankful for my mountain bike!
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I'm glad you guys liked my suggestion. :) I love old trees and old people (well, most of the time). There is no price on wisdom. I pray for my portion daily and come here where there are so many wise people with so much to share. AC is a special place. ((Hugs)) to all.
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Yes, Sequoia!
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Love the suggestion Windy, so that will be her name... she doesn't need any thing else to go with it.... the beautiful,old, forever Sequoia trees make their own statement , just like this beautiful wise woman...I get quite inside when I look at her.... no matter what her life had been, she remained steadfast....so thanks Windy....our beautiful wise woman has a name.....
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Regarding avatar name - if we name her, can we put some kind of 'respectful' title to her name? She's so ancient, it would seem so disrespectful to call her 'Sequoia'. Madame Sequoia sounds like she's in charge of Call Girls. Ma'am Sequoia - sounds so formal, and she doesn't look like she demands it from others. Spanish 'Tia Sequoia' sounds not right either.

Regarding my measly retirement Simple IRA fund, I just view it as money I don't have. This way, if the market crashes, I won't be too angry. It's really measly...My one year income exceeds what's in my IRA. And my yearly income is very very small. Think 'mom & pop' store income. It was an ideal job when I was able to travel before - as business expense. Now, with money tight and mom became too difficult for dad -- no more travelling. Too bad. Boss would send me to Hong Kong, Bali, London, etc.. so that I would experience what it's like to travel, the plane's configuration, how to do transits between flights, hotels something we would recommend, etc.. At the time, this was a Perfect job. Now, in my middle age, it's not... not making enough for a decent social security income.

Don't you get penalize for cashing it in early? And pay a large tax amount to the gov't? FYI, you don't want to bury the money. My dad's father did that. He died and no one knows where he hid it. You don't want to hide the money in your house. What if there's a flooding or a fire? All that money gone.
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Oregon, you don't cash out of funds when they drop! That how you lose money. The market will rebound. Sit tight! Please!

They always say that you shouldn't make any major financial, real estate or lifestyle changes in the fist 6 months after losing a spouse. Please think about that.
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What we don't need right now is to panic. If people go and take out all of their money from investments and the banks next week, that will force the market to fall even further. We've had an adjustment which take place from time to time. Looking over the larger picture the market does go up even with the time to time adjustments. Even with the big recession several years ago when I loss thousands in my retirement investments, they bounced back within two years above where they had been before. So, I'm planning on sitting still and ride out the wave.
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Windy, I think sequoia is perfect! I was never good at naming anything except my kiddos of course.
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Ladee, I vote we name your avatar Sequoia like the ancient trees in the park that have seen so much, yet remain serene.

That photo reminds me of the Sequioa National Forest and the rings on the trees they exhibit. I haven't been there in decades, since I was a child, but those trees were thousands of years old then. Some predate Christ. It is a comfort and a reminder to think about things, whatever your religion.

This big world will keep spinning in spite of us and life will go on. Those of us, probably most of us, that have experienced a painful loss know hard it is to do that. To hang on for the ride even though we're dizzy. Sometimes it seems easier to let the ride just spin us off and let go.

My little 80 pound momma, is okay for now. She's just sleeping so much now, but is good when we take her out. She made reference yesterday that her face powder will outlive her. It didn't help that I had to get into our safe for documents we needed and I found her letters to me from years ago.

Reading 20 year old letters to me made me cry. It's so different now.



.


II made me realize how close we we were and how so much has changed or has been.
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Oregon, be patient. There are always slumps like this, and it was past due. The market just cannot keep going up. It will go back up, though will probably take a bit of time. Good thing it is a weekend.
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Well those of us who have retirement funds invested willl see a horrible report this month. I am furious that I asked to transfer funds day before yesterday. I will probably take a huge hit. So much for my retirement. I sometimes think I would be better off, keeping my money at home and to heck with the management people like Edward Jones. They use our money and we loose our money. I will call them Monday and cash out. HIde it somewhere and get it out of the hands of investors and banks. Next thing to go will be the banks. I was warned this was going to happen. We just never believe it.
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Keeping an eye on the North Korea and South Korea increasing conflicts. If this continues to escalate, we will become NK's target. You know he killed his uncle who was one of his advisers just because his uncle didn't want to discontinue his relationship with Beijing, China. So all the advisors who disagreed with him were executed. And ALL their families. One hear stories of NK killing a whole Neighborhood just because of one person's action. They have opened up to tourism. Who in their right mind would go??
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Ramiller....It appears that our lives are falling apart. But they are not. You will be blessed for what you are doing. I admit this generation is having to care for their parents because we are living longer due to our conscious good living. And sometimes more difficult because the parents did not take serious their health. But due to our caring for ourselves, not smoking, not drinking more than we should and walking quite a bit, our kids are stuck with our care. Imagine how it will be for you? You will live longer yet. Your kids will care for you into your 100's. Believe me. You had better start now to make plans for your care. Save money, put money away, buy Long Term Health Care policies etc. What you are facing now, is not at all what your kids will face. I am 73 and I have the energy of a 45 year old and the ability of a 35 year old person when it comes to walking and hiking and rafting on the river every chance I get. We have beautiful trails here in Oregon. Camping on the River is a very special treat for me. I have a two man tent and you are always welcome to visit. However, with the fires we are seeing more bears and cougars coming into our small towns. I feel sorry for my kids. I am trying everything I can to save money to help them. But, I am getting to the point now (I just lost my wonderful beautiful partner) that I want to travel a bit. First Trip, Israel again. So, my kids will be writing to this group the same complaints I hear here. Sorry, but I am going to live my life. If you younger people figure out some way to shorten our lives let me know. Otherwise, I just don't know what to say. I think I deserve to travel just a little bit. I did my part, I took care of my partner for years and I loved every moment of it. I pray my kids will share in my care and feel the same way. When I was young, it was not uncommon to have one of the parents living with us. It was just that way then. Times were different and people were not so self serving and self centered. Back then, it was mostly cancer that killed the elderly. Hopefully with all the health advantages we have and the education against damaging living, we will die quietly and without too much stress for the younger generation. My Partner was strong and lived a very active life. He died peacefully and without pain. Frankly I feel so good, I will probably be cooking a huge dinner and take my two mile walks and die while doing it. If you are living a life that is damaging, I would suggest you start now to correct that. You will be hurting not only yourself, but also your children. God Bless all of you.
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I don't even remember Glad.... I have all sorts of pictures saved because they resonate with me and I feel sometimes I may want to draw or sculpt a face.. so keep them for references..... but she appealed to me the first time I saw her.... guess we could giver her a name.... any suggestions????
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Well Book, I can't speak for others, but yes, you are that obvious... at least to me... maybe I've known you longer..... I know it's creepy for you sometimes when I hit the nail on the head...... let me know what you see in the sweet old ladies face.... interested in your interpretations.......
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I really like her, where did you find her?
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Ya, I'll change her back... I really liked her... and the look I see is content, serene..
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