This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Take care and keep cool. : )
We are having a heatwave, there were also alerts coming in and calls to seniors for where to go (a cooling shelter) in case your a/c breaks down.
I have heard that this winter there is expected to be El Nino plus a blob? It is getting difficult for me to believe these reports, since it only rains once for every ten reports of rain. We did have thunderstorms this summer!! So happy you are safe.
FYI, my SIL (sis-in-law), the very, very few times she helped me with mom (as in hold mom in place while I do the cleaning), she would be gagging so hard. She never got used to it.
Ramiller, if all else fails after urgent care, then try the ER. I had spent years telling my GP of no longer being able to handle my PMS pain. Because we were poor, I learned in my teens to handle pain without meds. I would only take Midol when I'm at work and couldn't concentrate. But one day, that changed. I was taking Midol all the time. And the pain changed for the worse. In my medical record, the doc wrote that I described the pain "as if there's a bowling ball inside" pressing down. Because the doc knew that I hated taking pills, she would tell me that there's nothing wrong with taking pills for your pain. Finally, I walked into the clinic in such severe pain, I was walking like an old lady (bent over and shuffling.) The front desk was so concerned, he offered to get me a wheelchair. I refused. That's when an xray was ordered. It was a battle for my GP to get an ultrasound approved from my insurance. There's a lump. She wanted to do more tests but this time the insurance denied it. Weeks go by due to red tape. One Saturday, I couldn't take it anymore. I went to the ER.
When the ER doc asked me what I was in here for, I told him all this. He said in exasperation, "the next time your insurance denies tests, just come to the emergency room. We will order all these tests." (My insurance won't cover ER visits unless I'm in the middle of a life threatening event. They even gave examples.)
So, if your arm's pain gets really bad, and if it's affordable, go to the ER as your last ditch plan. I do hope that urgent care will be helpful.
...My bedroom window! I forgot to slant the upper window panes! I might as well get up and hope that my stack of books on the dresser is not wet. (I purposely put the 4-drawer dresser against the only permanently unshuttered window in my bedroom. If a fire, open the drawers to climb up to reach the window, remove the lower panes and jump out.) Room is fine, not wet.
..6am. Oldest sis goes to the restroom. (I think she goes to pee way too often to be normal.) I need to go. Bathroom floor is wet. Reader's digest on tank is soaking wet. Seat cover is down. Toilet seat is wet. I forgot to close the bathroom window. Why didn't sis close it? Why didn't she put the tissues on the tank to a dryer spot? Why didn't she wipe the toilet seat? I closed the window and wiped the seat.
...laid down. Cellphone1 status message alert went off. Hmmm. I texted fave sis lastnight at 11:40pm and it just now pinged?
...laid back down. Cellphone2 wakeup alarm went off. I thought I turned the alarm off since this is a Sunday. Got up and walked to my purse.
... on the way back to the sofabed, I see dad's hand inside his front pants. I said, "dad, uh-uh" He quickly withdraws his hand.
...laid back down. And a neighbor's car alarm just went off. My nephew's car.
... 6:25am. All these things conspiring against me trying to sleep in a little late. =(
Our home is in the lowest lying area. Water from all around us are coming to our land. So, once I'm done getting the flashlights ready, I will be going through all the rooms making sure that everything is off the floor (Depends, boxes of gloves, gauzes, my shoes and the luggages filled with my purses...my..4 boxes of unread books(!!!)... Okay, getting a headache just thinking what I need to do. Instead, I'm logging off and will just do one thing at a time. That is better than thinking the overall stuff I need to do - while oldest sis is in her room. Hmmmm.. is that resentment that I'm seeing? sigh..... Later.. headache is coming on. I think, as a reward after doing all this, that I DESERVE that can of Pepsi hiding in my fridge, tempting me daily. Yes, that is a good incentive to hurry! Later...
Did you know that you can get photos for free on istock photo. Did you see the feet in the hot springs he put up for me just now? Reminds me how relaxing bathing can be. Is it you that has been changing avatar photos? I stock will help you.
If I google "Bugaloos" will I be scared?
Tonight, after dinner, I went to wash my dishes. As I was washing, I felt as someone's One finger reached out and pressed against my back while moving downward. Again, I was thiniking roaches or lizards. And did the same 'shake-the-roach-off-my-body dance. Nothing! Yet, I swear both incidents were right at my center back.
I'm doing my d*rn best Not to think it's the bugaloos. I'm terrified of these spirits. I hope it's not them playing games on me. I don't know.... Torn between modern thinking and my native customs thinking.
Okay... time to change dad's pamper, shower and then figure out my budget.
So, I toast the wheat bread on the lowest setting, then cut thin slices of the avocado and just place it on top of the bread. Sprinkle a little of Morton Iodize salt (our body needs iodine). On the side is the cherry tomatoes and the baby carrots. I have discovered when I bite the bread with avocado and take also a bit of the tomato, the flavor of the avocado and cherry clashes and blends. I think the tomato's 'sourness' with the light salted avocado blended to a taste that I love.
I have this terrible way of eating food. If I go to a buffet or a menu plate is ordered, I must eat a bit of every single type of food into my mouth at one time. I just love to taste the different flavors while chewing the food. For example, most people eat their salads first. And then wait for the main menu to be served. I won't eat my salad. I wait until the main course comes. It's served - rice, variety of meat sources, etc... I then proceed to take a bite of the salad + the rice + Each meat + green beans (veggies served with the meat). I have a small mouth (per dentist - even gave me a children's toothbrush!). I've learned to put small amounts of each food in and chew - without my cheeks bulging out (like the cartoon squirrels do). I just love it when I have so many flavor food in my mouth while chewing it. Yum!!!
Sendme, I'll respond on my laptop. Typing one-finger on iPad is hurting my bone (carpul tunnel).
Sue the transition from non-caregiver is THE most stressful time imaginable but you do learn how the transition affects you eventually so you don't cope brilliantly but you do cope better than that first time when the next transition and the one after that occurs.
Doctors don't seem to know the difference between carers and care-givers. I pulled our consultant's registrar on this for a reason. I truly believe and I may well start to campaign on this later (after my care-giving days are over whenever that may be) that carers and care-givers are two entirely different sets of people and need to be treated as such.
When I first came on here I noticed that the Americanism is care-givers but in the UK we call them all carers but you are all so right.
Carers get trained and paid to care and are held accountable for their work. If they didn't get paid they would find another job - for that is what it is .....a job.
Hands off care-givers are not paid or trained either but they manage and monitor the care of their SO or LO
Hands on care-givers are not trained do not get paid (in the UK at least) and are still accountable for their actions. Additionally, theirs tends not to be a job but a full on life style. They have to be judge and jury of the care - they control and monitor and anyone who thinks that is being a carer needs their head examining - it is SO much more and when you broker in the emotionally ties and the financial issues then NO I WILL NOT ALLOW DOCTORS TO CALL ME A CARER
Then there are those who manage to work and be care-givers as well and let me tell you I am in awe of you all for I just didn't have the strength (nor to be fair did Mum have the health) that would allow me to do both.
It is shameful that governments berate people for scrounging off the state yet do nothing to help people who give up their entire lives (or put them on hold for years and years) to give free care to a LO while other families opt to just dump them on the state and walk away from it all (you know it happens). Yes we are valued - they tell us so at every opportunity - but their actions don't show us - far from it. For the most part we are left unsupported untrained in even the most basic training of infection control and safe handling of meds - I have seen countless family members rubbing on prescribed creams without gloves - because they didn't know the risks.
I have asked numerous family carers what are the side effects of these meds - as in do you know what you are looking for if your LO has an adverse reaction? Answer ....erm no?
This is basic stuff yet no-one is trained - it is utter madness - rant over packing done passport found now all I near is my travel money.
Sounds like you are struggling like me to just figure out what to eat and don't have extra pounds. Give your Dad the peanut butter sandwich with banannas when he gets up at 4 a.m. Know two elderly that ate that everyday into their 80's and 90's.
Think the one with parkinson's goes back to sleep til 7, but he gets up and makes it himself. Do you put bread, then butter, then peanut butter, then the bananna sliced the long way and thinly? Enjoy. I give up, that sounds good, no diet for me tonight. Have a good night!
Okay, I saw on FB someone used as a brunch a wheat bread with slices of avocados on top, one peach and 14 cherry tomatoes. (Remember how I bought those 2 very dinky avocados at $3.75 total?). I tried this lastnight as a snack. I cheated. I lightly salted my avocados. Oh, yummmm!!!! Who would have thought wheat bread can taste good?! (I very much prefer white bread.) Anyway, I felt bad eating the wheat bread. I've done research and wheat is one of those food that feeds endometriosis. I don't want anymore surgeries and I really should avoid wheat. It was delicious! =)
Uhm, I tried the peanut butter on banana. It takes getting used to. I don't know yet if I like this or not. I will need to eat more and see.