This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I will be praying for you, your rest, and common sense to go without guilt.
I will be praying for Mum. As a devout christian, a loving mother would have taught / there is therefore, no condemnation, for those who are in christ jesus, as the song and verse goes. You will rest and figure it all out.
P.S. A Ca. diagnosis is no longer the immediate death sentence we all were scared about when we grew up. (There are cases). Your Mum is rallying.
A neighbor of 85 is still alive after moving away, into her son's home, and then with her daughter, now 89. There is no way to generalize or predict your Mum's lifespan. Please don't put your life on hold any longer. My jesus already died to set you free. Love you Jude, and so does everyone else!
When my mom was still alive, she was always (in my eyes) at death's door. My therapist kept encouraging me to go. I always worried, "What if mom dies while I'm on vacation?" Like you, I knew that it would affect my conscience- that I wasn't home when she died -but away enjoying my vacation. The really bad or sad part of my internal conflict? A part of me asked (in this internal dialogue) if I have to come home immediately if she dies. You see, air tickets are expensive ($2100.00) and I only have 2weeks to travel. A very expensive 2 weeks vacation. I even argued with myself that if my siblings want to come home immediately, they can. But I didn't want to. Why should I? I've been helping with mom for the past 23 years of my life. But then the conscience would argue what you have said - that I would not be able to handle the guilt for not being here.
Falcon, I go through this internal dialogue every time I travel far. You've been there for your mum. Your body and mental health obviously need some time away from the constant stress of caregiving. The guilt will always be there. This rare opportunity with your family is rare. You've done all you can for mum. You may not be of your mum's faith but you can still pray to God to give you the strength to go and to help you deal with the guilt. I have found that for most people, God is everything, everywhere... And these are people who are not in an organized religion. {{{Hugs}}}
Mum is a devout Christian so please for those of you who do believe I know she would appreciate your prayers...sadly for her I am not of the faith at all xxxx
Then I woke up this morning, head and tummy felt awful. I kept burping a lot, and had to go to the bathroom twice. I think I ate like a pig because for the past 2 days, I behaved and ate 'healthy'. No frozen microwave dinners (salty) It's 9:30pm and my tummy is a bit sensitive.
I didn't remake the water/apple/cinnamon detox yesterday. So, I made a pitcher tonight. I won't drink any since my tummy is being sensitive. Tomorrow, I will try again.
The detox I researched is the kind that I can still eat. I'm just trying to lose my pregnant stomache. No, I'm not pregnant or gave birth. I'm just so embarrassed when someone asks me how many months am I. So, the detox I found - I can eat. Usually I'm suppose to drink it an hour before meal to help kill my appetite / cravings.
I like all your avatars.
You know who keeps confusing me? Every time I see Falcon's avatar - I think of Gonewiththewind.
I put lemon in my water often.
However, if it is going to treat or cure something I might try that as long as there was no breaking out or threats of dying from anaphylactic shoke. What'cha doin?
How is the job hunt going... think of you everyday on this new adventure in your life... it can be unnerving and daunting if you haven't had to do this in awhile.. but sooooo very proud of you for simply surviving the TS's and caregiving.... so lots of hugs to you sweet lady !!!
I have mom on a nursing home waiting list, but as I wait I am selfishly craving---craving being able to have the free time to go and do--heck, just do NOTHING!
So, I'm now on Detox 2 - just 1 thinly sliced apple and 1 cinnamon stick placed at the bottom of the pitcher (mason jar with spigot in the bottom in my case). Fill halfway with ice, then add the water. Place in fridge overnight. I don't like the taste of cinnamon. Apple juice causes me to be very itchy. I can eat the apple fruit with no reaction - just the juice. I'm on day 3 of this detox. I drink it once or twice a day (2 cups max). I drank the first cup today. And my lips started tingling immediately. Well, that was an immediate reaction. So, back to googling detox that does not have ACV or apple in it. I still can't find cucumber here! That's the next detox. Well... since I have all those unused lemon in the fridge, I might as well make a pitcher of lemonade. I just googled how to make lemonade. Oh, man, I will need sugar! I don't have sugar. I have honey, and those small sugar cubes (which belongs to sis and not me). Oh well.. good intentions...
By the way! I was in the backyard spraying the pepper plant (poor thing is all denuded from any leaves - just twigs) I saw that we have growing our lemon tree which is bearing fruits! Our local lemon is small -like the size of a gumball and it's not as sour as those yellow lemons you buy in the grocery store. I really need to start going out in the yard more often. I would try to grow a garden but... Unfortunately, we're also being invaded by large rats. It seems the apartments next door to us - have their dumpster next to our boundaries. So that's why we've been seeing an influx of giant rats. (Not mice. Rats.)
Our porch was built with a low wall on the border. We live in a low lying area that gets flooded. The wall will help keep the water from entering the house. So leaves and dirt blows in but can't blow out. So, I need to sweep it once a month.