This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
You will have to be nominated as a saint, I'm sure of it.
I didn't sweep the front porch. Too hot and humid. I didn't feel like sweating. (Procrastinate).
Oldest bro was out on our porch resting from bushcutting our land. I went out to talk to him. I told him how oldest sis is improving. How she must have overheard me talking about her to fave sis. That I had always thought sis and I would move in together to rent an apartment when dad dies and whoever gets this house kicks us out. Oldest bro owns a house and a 2 story duplex apartment (with a total of 3 units. Two on top - which he sold one unit to a tenant who is currently not using it but bro can rent it out and keep the proceeds. Until the owner decides to move in and make it his home.) Bro told me that he has already told his wife and kids that one unit will be going to me to use - if I ever get kicked out of here. The thing is, my bro's kids are.... Let's just say - you don't want to rely on that as your retirement plan.
It's almost time to hang dad's laundry. I've put an extra soap in the first load. On the 2nd time washing, I added vinegar to help take out any smell that the first wash did not clean out.
Such as, wearing mask and gloves?
It would be very impossible to clean up after a family member. I am wondering if some kind of professional detachment can be developed, or like in nursing, one would be born to be a good R.N.?????
I am sorry the old man keeps thinking his poop is something to play with.... maybe if you got him a 'squishy toy' to mess with he'd leave it alone.... that by itself will drive me up the wall, confronted with poop first thing in the morning...... In some ways it's good to be depressed, we just go thru the motions and forget to gag...... love ya book....
Sendme, ya, the fact it was a nurse, a respected nurse in our community, that had my back was a blessing.... and the bottom line, that old lady was pure evil..... like so many I read about here, and they are family members... at least I could walk the h*ll away from my situation......
So God bless us all, sucks that we will have to wait for our 'reward'....... thanks everyone for the support, even after the fact.... hugs to all..
After cleanup, I will sweep the kitchen floor and then the porch, throw in My clothes into the washer before dad's. I finally bought a spray bottle. So now I can make a nutrient water mix to help our dying pepper plant. (Oldest sister told me not to touch it since plants tend to die when I do. And I didn't listen.) I brought some work home so that I can reconcile an account without phone interruptions. I'm still so behind in responding to all who have encouraged me and made me wonder?? PTSD?? I just never thought of that. Just called it the really bad depression I get yearly. And change the avatar photo....
Maybe caregivers should interview their charge to see if this is a likely risk, but then how many patients would go without care? Sorry for them, but I wouldn't want to be bad-mouthed by a patient who can destroy one's reputation. I always feel so bad for the lone siblings who do all the care-giving and get bad-mouthed behind their backs, either by siblings, or by a parent to their siblings. That makes caregiving so much harder.
"And The Caregiver Of The Day Is..."
Time to get up and start the day. Dad touched his poop about 4:30 am. I told him to stop it, but it's too late. I will now have to deal with the mess 2 hours later. I don't even know how bad a mess it is yet.
This morning while lying in bed, I realized that I must stop buying these healthy food using my credit card. I'm sinking into more debt. I spent $27 yesterday on those small tomatoes, 2 apples, 4 bananas, loose granola (not bars), 2 tiny avocados ($3-some!) and a wheat bread ($7!). I will only buy it if I have cash. I really need to stop procrastinating and get up and face the poop.
A little back story.... it didn't take her long to 'no like me'.... she had traveled the world and always has 'servants', and that is what she expected me to be... UHH NOO... I am a caregiver...... so she got a resentment and never let it go....
Ok, when I left that day in tears, and thinking if her evil mouth spread that around, I would never work in this community again.... so eventually because it was eating my brain, I had to let it go.....
This past week on of the HH nurses came to check on J, she has a UTI.... and when she walked in, she said, "I know you".... I didn't recognize her...but she kept on until she remembered where she had seen me.... finally, at this womans house...
On her visit to this womans house she asked where I was....and the woman tells her the STORY...... to make this long story short ... it had to be reported, She did as she was mandated to do, but this nurse came to my defense and said it could not have happened....ect....so it was dropped...
So all these years later I find out that she had reported me, but thank God the RN had been around me long enough to know it was absolutely not true... so I was really able to let the whole thing go... my only prayer about it now, is to put forgiveness in my heart for that old woman.....
Part of the reason I am sharing this, is to say, that at some point, no matter our situations and the heartache we endure.... we are vindicated.... we are honored by the people that know us...and in my case it was a professional that had my back... I am finally able to let that not haunt me any longer....Thanks for letting me share this..... hugs to all of you.
I went to the grocery store and bought more 'healthy' food. Then, I went to Wendys and bought a large chili, a fully loaded potato and strawberry salad. This is to be my lunch, dinner and tomorrow's meal. I ate lunch at 3pm. Ate dinner at 5:30pm. Bro of next door brought BBQ meat around 8pm. And then around 10pm, they brought fish. I'm stuffed. But I'm still craving that midnight snack. So, I then ate the fruit/nutty granola mix. Not even 11pm and I'm so tired.
FYI, this is my 2nd day of the apple/cinnamon stick/water detox. I keep forgetting that I must drink lots of water in order to make it work. Sorry, getting bad dizziness. I think it's time to shower. Maybe the shower will perk me up. Later!
Every time I go on FB using this laptop, my AVG pops up about a spyware. I don't have that on the iPad. Why? Because I didn't download any antivirus, antispyware on the iPad. Maybe I'd better do that before going on FB.
I don't know of any patterns or triggers. Before I found this site, I always had these death wishes in the back of my head. I recall the severe sadness(and terror) as a little child hiding under the dining table. Hiding with my younger sibs from mom. I remember, being so little, praying to God why he made me be born. I don't know what the pattern and trigger is. It's just IS since I was small.
I just figured out that I'm very active on this sit in the beginning of the year and then really slow down around Sept to Nov. It was Ladee who solidified my observation. I usually notice the individual things, not the overall picture.
Every year, for years, I will struggle to NOT quit my job. It's happening now. I fantasize on ways to tell my boss. But I can't. I won't find a job as flexible as this (for last minute emergency with dad). I have to go now...
You're so stressed, honey bun; it's no surprise you're feeling all kinds of effects. But deep breaths and don't panic. You are not getting dementia, you have not got Parkinson's and you are not losing your mind: that's not you or us, it's the people we're looking after. Repeat after me: "the ***patient*** is the one with the disease." You just have too much for any standard human being to cope with. Hugs to you, you know we all care for you.