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This is so embarrassing. As you know, I'm trying to find the right detox for me. I now know to avoid apple cider vinegar - which is in Most detox. There's one that involves cucumber. So, I went to the larger grocery store (further from where I live - in another village. Our grocery store in my village had no cucumber or cinnamon stick. I went through the produce sections like 4 times. I recall how a cucumber looks when mom used to cook. Heck, I even had to peel it. So, I keep walking around and around, staring at this or that green oblong veggie. Is that a cucumber? Looks too fat to be one. Oh, zucchini. Maybe that's a cucumber. Stared at it hard. No, it's some kind of bean? That fruit next to it is egg plant. Look at the sign - oh, okra. I've learned something today. I know how ochra and zucchini looks cooked in my food. I sure don't know how these food look raw, uncut. All this time, I thought cauliflowers came like that. Today, I saw it in a large 'bunch' like a bouquet. 11pm and I'm so exhausted. I'm going to see if I can sleep early today.
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What is the purpose of the new Facebook Twitter, Pintarest and LinkedIn buttons? I don't want my posts on these forums for the world to see!
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BOOK, see your doctor or a neurologist, or even go to the E.R.
T.I.A.'s are transient ischemic attacks (like a mimi-stroke), and while your symptoms could be anything, they point to something neurological. When I was having episodes, the symptoms were very strange, always a little different.
Of course, have your doctor check for side effects of your medications, especially if you have stopped taking one, or missed, or abruptly stopped Klonopin/clonazepam. OK? Can you check back in here?
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Book, it's not so much that you want to die, as much as you want absolute relief..... I understand, I really do.... when my client before this one passed away.... it broke my heart.... I loved her soo very much.... and then I hit a bottom like you are in right now.... I didn't CARE about anything..... I had already planned on taking a month off and it turned into three, because I was so depressed I had thoughts just like you are having now....maybe the difference is I let it play itself out... because I know it changes.... your situation is different, and I understand that also..... Like we discovered, you go thru this about this time every year..... you know I love you very much, and I DO understand.... that does not change your situation or your feelings, because like you, I didn't care who loved me or what was going on.... it was one of the worst depressions I have had in about 10 years..... I am chronically depressed, and sure you are too, most of the time we can just go on about our business and cope.... but sometimes, it is just a dark, dark place to be..it will pass, it always does, it may not get better, but it gets 'different', you came here depressed.... I believe to some degree everyone here is depressed.... Just feel you are more honest about how far you wish you could take it.....
I wish there was a med you could take that would just help for this time in space... I know how you are about meds, and I know there are many things you can not take.... I am sending you gentle hugs.... and I am waiting WITH you.... you know I am there with you ...... give it some time, continue to share.... you know what to do.... the fact that your brain is going back and forth... means that you really don't want to DIE, you just want a different life and some relief from the one you are having to live....
You don't have Parkinson's.... our body can only handle so much and not having an outlet, our body does strange things..... my eyes jump, drives me insane..... other physical things.... so if nothing esle you get from this post, please hear that I love you..... and you are not alone.... and I DO understand..... gentle hugs to you sweetie...
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Oaktree I am in almost the exact same position as you and I think we are a similar age too. Mums illness is progressing in a different fashion though so in that regard very different. Do remember you don't have to do this any longer if it is getting too much for you. It is a wise caregiver who says I can't do this any more and it is OK to say so hun....so do think about the alternatives although I suspect that by giving up your job and home you have put yourself into a difficult position too.

BTW This is NOT what children are for sweetheart. I want my children to live a useful happy and healthy life - I do not want them to be looking after me at a time when they should be enjoying their lives ... just a thought
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How am I doing? I can honestly say, I do not know. Been caring for mom full time for over a year. Retired early, gave up my apartment and moved in because she was a candidate for the nursing home. Could not live alone after her last stroke. I am single and my two kids are grown with their own familes. Brother lives in state many miles away and has no desire to help. Im in this alone. Moms sundowners is progressing. Last night was about the worse ive seen. I just wish she could sleep a full 6 hours. Ive tried everything the experts as told me to do. Like others, she see people in her room. She is obsessed with her top sheet. She will spend hours trying to fold down the part around her neck. She wears depends and almost everynight she will take them off and process to wet herself. She has osteoporosis, to where she is so bent over I have to get down and listen to what she tries to say. Some days I tolerate all of this and other days I think I will go out of my mind. I can still leave her in morning to do errands. Get her and dressed and in front of the tv or just listen to music and sge will do fine. As the evening come she turns into another person. If I do take her out sge has to be in her transport chair and she wears out easy. Life as a 24/7 caretaker is a loney one. Not being able to have a complete conversation is very hard. I remind myself im doing the right thing, this is ehat children are for, taking care of my parents. I eas really close to my dad. My dad passed away really quick 5 years ago. He was doing ok, for being 91, the day before he died. Still working atoubd the house, still driving, but heart said, no more! Its been really hard without him. He was my rock. Mom and I were never close like my dad and I. So back to the question on how I am? Im tired! Thanks for listening!
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Hi book. I do retail therapy also. I sometimes fill my cart and then put most of it back lol. I am a stickler for keeping our parents home but in your case i would recommend a nursing home. Working fulltime at work and at home is insane. Please try and think of life after caregiving, thats what i do. What will it be like having freedom? Hard to imagine now but it will happen. You have a heart of gold, you will get your time so plz get help in venting to us or a doctor. I am sure getting to a doctor is impossible too with your schedule. Know you're a great person and your life, and mine, cant go on caregiving forever. There is life after this. XOXO
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Book, this must be frightening, though I would think you are too young to have these neurological problems. Have you ever seen a neurologist? Sounds as if you had better do that. Has anybody else asked you about this?

I imagine stress can cause this sort of thing as well. You know how we all feel about the caregiving you have done for your folks for many years at the cost of fulfilling your own needs. You have been a wonderful, caring and giving daughter to your folks for many years. Caregiving is very stressful and we each need to care for ourselves first. I am not going to tell you what I think you should do, you already know what that is. So Book ask others if they have noticed you doing this. Get to your doctor for a referral to a neurologist. Do not panic before you have consulted a doc. Sending you hugs, my friend.
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I think I need to have my memory tested for Alzheimer. Last year, while driving, I suddenly realized that while driving and looking forward, my head was turning left, right,left, right - back and forth. I had to consciously stop my head. It happened again, at another time - while driving. Eyes forward but my head was turning left and right repeatedly.

Today, I had a client in front of me. As I was putting her flight reservations together, I finally did it - 3 hours later. Towards the end, she asked me what's wrong. When I gave her a puzzled look, she said that I kept shaking my head as if something's wrong. OMG! Not once did I realized my head was was turning left and right! Parkinson's??
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book,

Retail therapy often leads to depression. You don't sound like you are in a good place. I don't remember you being quite this low in a long while. Please call 911 and get yourself some help!

Love, prayers and hugs!
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When I get really depressed, I shop - even though I shouldn't. Because by charging over $100.00 on my credit card, I get even more depressed because I sunk in more in debt. So, I decided to go to Ebay and spend frivolously. Since when did they change the site? It no longer shows the cost of the item. I have to tap on each one to find the price. (Yes, I even adjusted it to "lowest price plus shipping) and it still wouldn't show the price. I have no patience. So, after I change dad's pamper, shower, I will go shop on Amazon.

Last night and this morning my depression was so bad. My thoughts were turning to death, which seems so - wonderful. I even went crazy lastnight looking for that prescription I have for depression. Remember, my doctor got me a lower dosage and different drug? But the part of me that doesn't want to live won out. I didn't take the med. I'm so torn inside, mentally. I want to die, I don't want to die. Ladee was the one who noticed a pattern of my really bad depression that I get yearly. It's around this time? It's so tiring this mental fight in my head.
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Dreyfuss, heard you loud and clear! We are here for you. See us also on THE WHINE THREAD; and THE CAREGIVER AND DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES thread.
Then, if you're not feeling better, come on over to: These are a few of my favorite things, thread. Keep posting, until you feel better.
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Hi my dear friends, Friday with dad was stressful and very unpleasant due to a showdown with him demanding that I return his car keys. He spoke in a nasty way when I explained the Dr forbid, lawyer agreed, he is 90 has Parkinsons and is on a feeding tube. Mother has AD and had accidents. I was crying and my feelings were very hurt. He even threatened to call his lawyer and have my name taken off some papers that were recently drawn up. I pleaded with him to tell me what he planned to do with the keys and he was secretive. I felt like I got bullied into handing him a loaded gun, so I stayed and supervised what he did. He called a tow company to take the car to the closest dealership. I followed the tow truck, got the paperwork to take back to dad, and the car is now sold! It took me a day to rest from this upset. I am sensitive and hate confrontation. Also my frail mother with Alzheimers was backing him up and told me I don't know how to handle men. Ha! Our CNA probably didn't give him his Clonopin Friday and I got the brunt of it. Today was lovely. Spent the day with him reading newspapers and watching Dodger baseball. No mention of the car. The weekend CNA gave him a benadryl for his runny nose and he was mellow, perhaps mellow from that. This road we are on is never smooth. I hope my week is calm and yours too.
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Dreyfuss, happy you are here.... Sounds like things are not going so well for you.. pretty much all of us know about caregiver burnout....and sorry to hear of other difficulties in your life... come back and tell us more about yourself and your situation.. many loving and supportive people on here..... you will end up with great friends..... hope things get better.... hugs
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Sick. Caregiver burnout. Bipolar disorder. I am weak and sick. How r u
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Oooh Ooh they do do them for women but they call them jumpsuits
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Stacey the clothes they have for men are amazing - they look like two pieces of a leisure suit but are an all in one - they have lots of stuff for women too - I was really impressed and saddened that we don't have one over here
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Way to bribe the staff, Jude! At least they got a 'clean snack'.
Did they wash their hands this time? So glad to hear that you are having 'parties' there at the hospital, meeting Mom's needs. Hope you are having some fun too.
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Just call me Sherlock my dear Watson!
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Buckandbuck, really, so I looked that up, and I'll be, what a great idea? Who'd a thunk it, that really should solve the problem, and quite a variety too! Men are disgusting beasts, always scratching this and that, lol! Jude, you are a super-slueth!
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Ive just come back from visiting Mum in hospital - would I bring the sandwich toaster in she wanted a cheese toast?! Okay I think just this once. So now 1 loaf and a huge block of cheese lighter the staff all had one too!

Oh well perhaps it will keep them smiling
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Well I know we aren't supposed to but when we find a site that has exactly what someone else needs it's hard not to help them
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Maybe because the higher percentage of hands-in-their-pants are men? =)
I wasn't fast enough to get the website the first time you posted. I'm able to do so with these. I once posted here on how to get around doing the www... and the moderator came on and uhm... reminded me that we're not suppose to post websites on here. Part of the rules. Now I do like you said on the last one...Google "......"

My laptop is facing my dad. On my right is the TV. As I was just typing the above paragraph, I saw my dad lift his butt up and his hand was proceeding to pull down his pants. I said, "Ah! Ah!" (Not Ah-ha. But Ah Ah as in No.) He was so fast to pull his pants back up - not once even looking at me.
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Jude, LOL! Maybe a version of the old drop seat jammies. If the elderly woman ever used an outhouse regularly, they would be familiar with them.
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Ian now looking for a woman's version so hold your horses peeps - now oddly enough they don't do them for women - I wonder why?
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If you google this:
Keeping the undresser clothed can be a challenging task. In an effort to preserve the dignity of those suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's disease, this garment gives the illusion of a 2-piece outfit, but is actually a 1-piece jumpsuit designed to discourage undressing.
it will take you straight to it
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buckandbuck
Might be better if I had done it right first time
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let me try that link again:
buckandbuck

Hope that works for you book
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Book, maybe she needs to overhear you talking with fav sis about cleaning under the rim and about how you are fed up with all of your Dad's shenanigans!
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Oldest sis overheard me complaining about her to fave sis. She must have heard me tell fave sis that I always thought of oldest sis and I moving in together when dad dies and the house goes to the new owner. But, with oldest sis slacking off and not sharing her food, not helping with the cleaning of the house and she always explodes on the toilet - after I cleaned it!

Since then, I've noticed that she cleans up after she explodes on the toilet (but she doesn't clean underneath the seat) and she now keeps offering me her frozen sausage link (Ugh! It's that small round sausage that you usually eat with eggs.) I've always hated that meat - even as a child. Never outgrew it. She went grocery shopping today. And she bought me a case of my favorite ice coffee - Mr Brown Coffee. She packed our small fridge's freezer with lot of frozen dinners. I, uhm...was hungry a few weeks ago and took one of her Stoufer's Lasagna frozen dinner. Eewww!!! I couldn't eat it. I offered her the 2/3 of it and she didn't eat it. I threw it away after a few days in the fridge. I had told her that I thought it was going to taste like the one I used to buy (until the price went up) - Michael Angelo's. So, today, she bought 3 boxes of Michael Angelo's lasagna and said it was for me. And she bought some cans of Roast beef hash - and offered me some of it. Ohhh... I'm touched. And I was smiling more with her. But - she still won't eat the food I cooked today. I had to warn her ahead of time that I drowned it with onions. There goes my eating healthy!
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