This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Another weird thing is that once in a while she will literally get where she can't stop talking. I mean, literally. She will talk and talk and talk. Then she'll say "I guess I need to stop talking your ears off." And then she'll go right back to talking. We were wondering what in the world made it happen; but after a while I figured out that it seems to happen when she's either really excited (such as looking forward to some event like a family reunion) or really stressed (going to the doctor for a procedure). So, adrenaline, maybe? Her DIL told me about a time great-aunt had been in the hospital; she was in one of those rooms where they have several patients in the beds in one room. Great-aunt was gabbing on and on and on and ON to this poor old lady in the next bed. When that lady was moved to a different room, as she was leaving she said, "Good riddance!" to great-aunt. LOL
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I wonder. I just found this out recently - when mom died and my brother laughingly admitted that HE was suppose to take over the parents when they got old. (Maybe some kind of deal he made with them when dad gave part of his land to my brother so that he can build his house right next door - as in 20 paces away.) I wonder...if mom stared at bro hard because he did not do what he had promised. FYI, when mom was dying, bro never came in to see her. He may have lived next door, but he never came in to the house to visit the parents or mom all these years with the holidays. He cried hard when mom died and we were arguing over the funeral arrangement.
Jude, I got distracted. Sorry about that. I wonder, if your mom experienced what my mom did. The IV and the oxygen (if she is wearing one) may have helped clear her mind. And hence made her more lucid. I'm just guessing - based on my mom's one-time 'normal, alert' situation.
I was thinking of a crockpot too. When I was at Ross this morning, I saw a slow cooker (is that a crockpot?) Anyway, would food be overcooked? I leave the house at 8:15am. I usually come home 6:30-7:00pm. I hate food that is overcooked and too soft.
Lastnight, I tried the detox with 1 TBS apple cider vinegar, 1/8 tsp cayenne pepper and 1 lemon. Drank it down like that. Well, Tried to drink it down. It was very sour. I kept showing face as I tried to drink it down. The 2nd sip, as it was going down, it was burning my esophagus. Hit my stomach, and that too started burning. I was only able to swallow half of this mixture. I will try again tonight. This time, I'm going to sneak a teeny bit of honey in it. Hope it doesn't dilute the mixture.
Oh, and if you scare me... like today, one of the daughters stopped by before work.... I was walking out the back door and had my head down... she jumped at me and hollered BOO..... in a matter of two seconds I screamed S*** and shoved her... OMG... I actually put my hands on the poor lady..... she was a good sport... told her later that since that did not come up in the interview.... oh, hey, if we scare you, do you get violent?.... that I would do a penance of taking J to the dentist next week... we all laughed, thank goodness and H and J did not hear me......for once them being hard of hearing was a good thing....
So, hugs to you all, have a moment to yourself and find one tiny thing to be grateful for...... hugs, angels, love and chocolate...
Our version of Rice Krispie bars is margarine, marshmallows and Rice Krispie cereal. some add peanut butter or melt chocolate chips for the top.
It is quite the challenge to eat healthy with only a microwave and a hot plate.
You need to let us know what you can and cannot eat and together we can put together a good food plan for you. You will feel a lot better eating foods for you vs. fast food/microwave food all the time.
Interestingly, though, out of our small collection of professional caregivers it surprised me that they were fine dealing with the bottom end but went to pieces when it came to vomit - they weren't being precious, you could see it made their head swim.
Last night, when I changed dad's pamper, he had poop on his lower belly, all over his front area, his side. He insisted that he did Not touch his poop. He's not stupid to touch his poop, you know. When I first untaped his pamper and opened it up, I started sneezing and sneezing - at least 3 times. Oh my! With my nose not working, I could Barely smell his poop. But, for me to sneeze like that - his poop must have smelled very bad, really awful! Thank goodness my nose doesn't work well. Otherwise I would be gagging. Not exaggerating. One time, for a few seconds, my nose completely cleared up and I could smell everything! And I smelled his poop, and my stomach started heaving and I started gagging. He also had poop on his wash cloth, the waterproof bed lining and the bedsheet. You know, I've been changing pampers for over 13 years. One would think I would be used to the grossness of poopy mess!
Try mincing the garlic raw (crush it with the flat of the knife and then cut very finely and adding the following, a chopped onion, cucumber also cut finely, some coriander fresh a little mint fresh or dried and a very small tomato, top with a little yogurt and eat with crackers (I am not sure your crackers and my crackers are the same - let me check - think they are they a thin sometimes plain sometimes slightly salty and very crispy - sometimes being a Brit makes life difficult) and perhaps a little cottage cheese?
Or you could take some celery carrot and cucumber sticks to work and dip them in hummus oh heavens do you call it hummus hang on yep you call it hummus but keep it chilled it can lead to listeria bacterial poisoning if you don't
Or if vegetables are cheap or you can get lentils why not make yourself a parka dhal - it is spicy and delicious - just google it for recipes and you can use that garlic in it too!
Or a vegetable casserole or bean cassoulet - what are you cheapest vegetables? I will sort you out some recipes
I've been craving fruits lately. No, not apple or oranges. But fruit salad - with a Variety of fruits. With nuts - like walnuts and almonds. I went to the grocery store after work. OMGoodness! A small container of strawberries and blueberries would cost me $13.00. That doesn't even include buying the red onion, lime, apple and the nuts (walnuts and almonds are about $8 each). So, that went out the window. Money-wise it's Not worth it - for maybe 2 salads. That would be one very expensive fruit salads! I've decided that it would be worth spending $7.00 on Wendy's Strawberry chicken salad. I can eat half with dinner and the other half for the next day's dinner.
Okay, next recipe. Let's try the healthy snack. I can make it, put it in the ziploc sandwich bag and take it to work to eat when I'm hungry. Rick Krispies cereal is $7.00! I haven't even bought the marshmallows, the peanut butter, butter (we don't have margarine or butter here. We use olive oil for our cooking), sesame seeds, oatmeal and peanuts! Sigh... That is also out the window.
I want to make Chicken Estufao in the weekend. I didn't even go to the frozen area to check how much a bag of chicken wings cost. A couple of years ago, a small bag of those chicken winglets cost about $10.00. I recall passing by one and was shocked how much it went up on the cost.
So, I bought what I could afford. 3 lemons and 1 clove of garlic. Now, what am I going to cook with those garlic? Sigh.. I don't know why I bought it. Maybe to remind me - every time I see it - that one day - I will cook real food and not worry about the cost. In the end, I bought my frozen dinner - Marie Calendar's 2 piece chicken with mashed potatoes and corn for $5.50. (Can you believe, in the mainland these froze dinners were only $2-some!!!! )
Price comparison... Revlon lipstick cost $10-some here on island. When I was in Virginia Beach, it was $5-some! I bought 4 to bring back home with me. My dad likes the Special K nutrient drink - which cost about $10.00 here. In mainland US Walmart - the same brand Special K was only $5-some! A large box of Boston Baked Candies - (well if I can find it here) would be close to $2.00. I mean just a small M&M candies is about $1.10. In the Mainland, a large box of Boston Baked Beans was $1.00. And they weren't skimpy with the box size! I bought - several. I can't find it here on island.