This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Leah, I found an old photo of Nana and her grown up children. I took it to the photo shop and asked if they can make a copy of the original. They did - and they gave me the film. I also asked if they can blow it up so that I can frame it. They did a very good job of it.
On another note, I was reading on the 'You know you're a caregiver if ..." thread and saw tons of people mentioning tissues/napkins/other paper products. That is SO my great-aunt. Every time she is asleep or out of her room, I can gather up ten or more used napkins, paper plates, paper towels. Good grief, she even cuts up her (thankfully clean) diapers sometimes when she's in her 'getting back into art' mode. I almost had a cow when I saw that for the first time.
Another thing that drives me batty is, she'll take some photo that she's had for umpteen years and write on it ... and not even the right information. I saw a picture of her granddaughter, about three years old in the picture. Quite obviously taken in the 1990s or early 2000s, and she had written on it that it was her youngest sister, who was that age in the '50s. Aaagh.
She has only one picture of her first daughter, who died as a baby, and the other day she brings it in with her large, illegible writing scribbled on the back of it. I'm just like ... WHY? Why would you do that? (Not out loud, of course.) It's just more sad than anything, I guess, that she has so little understanding left that she'd do that to the ONLY COPY she has.
Let me be very clear about infection control Book YOU are doing the right thing - your sister is not. I buy a dozen boxes of gloves at a time and they don't last long by the time you have washed, wiped, creamed etc.
You should never ever ever use gloves twice unless it is absolutely unavoidable and the only time I might is if I was by the roadside and there had been an accident and more than four people wanted help (I always carry four pairs in the car just in case)
The worst thing is to keep the gloves on when you touch the bathroom door handle - so many people do this and you have effectively transferred the germs to the door handle which you will then touch with ungloved hands .......
You're not a germaphobe hun if you were you wouldn't touch anything. I can be very OCD about toilets showers Mums personal hygiene. I cleanse and sanitise every time - have a sanigenic bin so that nothing is left to chance. When Mum goes for a wee or a poo I wash the area dry it and cream it every time - so at least two pairs of gloves. If I cream her legs I use gloves especially if I am applying medicated creams - I don't need the medication on my hands!
Better to be overprotected than under protected in my opinion. xxx
IHop is opening up soon. It's such a big building. I wonder why they make it so big? I was shopping today near the almost finished construction of the building. That's a very nice soothing blue color. I found myself smiling as I stared at the iHop logo. Did you know that the logo is a smiling face? I never realized it until today as I admired the blue coloring and the logo.
As for plates, utensils, I would put aside only enough for everyone in the house. All extras - goes to the highest shelves or packed and hidden where they can't find it. I'd buy several cases of those Lysol Wipes (not necessarily antibiotic - but the bleaching one) Strategically place it all over the place that is often used. Do your best NOT to let them see you taking wipes from the container. Because they will take the Lysol and do it too. Just make it a habit to swipe the handles or to open the door. Make it a habit to automatically re-wash the dishes before using.
My dad didn't care about hygiene. But he likes this one specific caregiver. For weeks I told him that his special water/applecider vinegar/honey mix is no good if over a day old. That he must Not drink it if it was made yesterday. He got mad at me and yelled, etc.. telling me to shut up because I know nothing. This female caregiver comes along, talks very nice to dad, and she sees his water mix. It's gross. And it stinks. With white stuff floating. And she tells dad that it's spoilt, no good, etc... and she told him that he must only drink it when it's made on that day- and immediately. Not hours or days later. Sigh.. He listened to her. Now, he insists that we make it fresh so that he can drink it.
My dad won't do his leg exercises. But same caregiver tells him why he must do it, and how to do it... and he now does it..when he remembers to... What I'm trying to say is - does your parent admire someone who most likely is not a family member? Would this person be willing to visit and casually say something about the importance of good hygiene?
I'm turning into a germaphobe, too, because Great-aunt Y never washes her hands properly. I think she must just put them under the water and then dry them. Touching her hands is not for the faint of heart. Sigh. And then of course you can hear her rummaging about in the kitchen, going through the dishes to find a cup or a spoon, and there's nothing you can do about it. I could tell her her hands are not clean, and she'd either deny it or flare up and then forget all about it by the time she's ready to go back for yet another cup.
If anyone has some good ideas for making someone stop a nervous cough, please share!!!
Stacey, I'm guilty of humming or talking to myself. I've never noticed it until a friend told me that I was talking to myself out loud. I was about 23 years old at the time. 26 years later, and I'm still doing it. Well, I'm back to doing it again. Boss wife told me in exasperation to please keep quiet. I didn't realize I was doing it again. The only thing I can think of to trigger this - is I'm struggling with depression, hating work, hating to come home. And so I'm very distracted and can't seem to concentrate. Hence, the mumbling aloud- to help me focus.
Take care.
I haven't started searching for the Saturday caregiver. Procrastinating.
College - acid reflux is awful. I can get it for months, being miserable. And then months with no sign at all. I really do need to keep a food journal. So, that I can see what I'm doing wrong that is causing it, and what I'm doing right when I'm 'normal.' As for hubby and the CPAP, even baby bro refuses to use his. And he has no excuse not to use it.
Chrissy you did the best you could do! One day at a time. GOD Bless! We can only take so much and then we do what we need to do! You are still doing a wonderful job and loving your Mom. That's what it's all about, LOVE is the answer! You got this!