This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Going to visit mom today take her lunch and going to color her hair in the beauty salon at nursing home. I've tried to get her to go grey but that just wont happen...hope everyone has a great Sunday
I spent all day catching up with all of dad's accounts like reconciling his credit card statement, checking and savings accounts-starting January. I really need to stop procrastinating on this. I tend to dump the statements on the in-box. All day! Now, I need to do my own statements...maybe tomorrow night.
Fave sis hinted that I need to find a paid caregiver for Saturdays. I am now gun shy on hiring strangers. Too bad the security camera is only for viewing. I downloaded the camera app on my iPad. I can take photos from work, but no sounds. Later, it's getting late.
The area I live in illinois had such a long waiting list for memory care units but i think this one is the perfect fit its a smaller one and she seems to be fitting in well. I still worry about her everyday but nothing like before. She doesn't cuss me out like she did at home. Now when im leaving she says I love you and when will u return. Sometimes her sundowners is really bad at night but if she is having bad episode I dont stay long. I try to get her settled in bed before I leave before I leave I get there after 6pm because of my hours I work.
As for L's daughter, when he was home with you, she rarely visited. Just like the TS rarely visited their mom. Perhaps they have a lot more in common than you thought. I was very disappointed when she started changing towards you. TS are very very good at doing this. Watch your back, Glad. I think eventually, when all is over, to completely have nothing to do with TS and Aunt, L's daughter, etc.. {{{{Hugs}}}
Caregiver Personal Assistant
Multi tasking Multi tasking
Taking messages Taking messages
Managing appointments Managing appointments
Driving essential Driving essential
Attention to details Attention to details
Financial recording Financial recording
A willingness to learn A willingness to learn
Computer skills Computer skills
Able to work unsocial hours Able to work unsocial hours
Some weekend work involved Some weekend work involved
Able to handle awkward situations Able to handle awkward situations
Now tell me there is one of you who could not be a PA
And not only staff at the facility, also L's daughter is now consulting with ts2 on L's care, like she has a freaking clue about that! The blind leading the blinder.
Glad, I somehow knew that the TS's would eventually turn the staff against you. I really really hope you find a job soon. Do you think the 'blot' from your former job is following you? Hence, you made it to the top, but got dropped out?
My mom has had a very difficult time adjusting and even tried to climb a six foot fence to get out. Her hubby went to assisted living at the same facility. Initially, they would wake him at 7:00 each morning to have breakfast with mom the early riser. That lasted about a week, until I put a stop to it, he is a late sleeper. They had all meals together in the beginning, now only lunch because mom's sundowning behaviors are quite impossible. She had to have a 24/7 outside caregiver for her first five weeks. Then another week and a half of someone from 1-9 to assist with the sundowning. I am still waiting for the facility to say they are not able to provide the level of care that she needs.
So, Chrissy, we are now retired from our 168 hour a week caregiving jobs. Trying to figure out what is next in life, and a roller coaster of emotions. Keep coming back.
If there is anything I first learned was to call 911 myself when things got bad.
Would you please make it a point to check in here with your caregiving friends regularly, while you are feeling so low? How about every 3 hours, unless you are sleeping?
My brother (years ago) came over and said: "No wonder you are depressed, there is no light in here!" So raise the blinds. However, brother did not know why I was depressed, but his visit helped me.
Just checking in.
I wish I could just give you a huge bear hug right now. I know you're feeling low; I know you are hurting so much; I know everything seems bleak and hopeless. Just please, please don't give up. There ARE people who care about you. WE care about YOU! And please keep posting here, even if it's only to vent your grief, anger, anything. We want to know how you're doing; if you stop posting, we'll worry about you. Just don't. give. up.
I am so terribly sorry to hear that your dog passed, he is now with your Mom. Take your time, this has got to be very depressing. When you are ready, consider adopting a shelter dog, there are so many of them that need good homes, and I know you have one of those.