This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
http://www.hospicepatients.org/hospic64.html
or if this doesn't show
http://www[dot]hospicepatients[dot]org/hospic64[dot]html
I had signs of severe endometriosis but my doctor never caught it. The pain progressively gets worse until one day you cannot walk far or even sit up to eat. If you want to continue to give your mom excellent care, then you need to follow up with your health issues. Otherwise, you end up bedridden in pain and someone doing their version of caregiving.
Am I recovering from four years of 168 hours a week?. Slept until 8am this morning. Haven't done that in nearly 40 years at least. I did not think I knew how. Couldn't believe it wien I woke and looked at the clock this morning!
On the way home, I stopped by the Japanese store and bought salmon something (never tried it before) and Octopus kelaguen (raw octopus soaked in vinegar, onions, cucumbers, etc...) I don't usually eat raw meat but I wanted sushi and that was all they had left in the store. I ate the octopus with rice doing my best to avoid thinking the word 'raw'. After I change dad's pamper, I will Try to eat that raw salmon rice sushi-like food.
By the way, I don't know how sis can sit in that living room and not choke from the horrendous smell of dad's poop. Sigh... Off to change his pamper and quit procrastinating!
I'm not really afraid of great-aunt Y; she's 80 years old, and too unsteady on her feet to do much damage. If she tried to hit me, I'd probably end up keeping her from falling over.
I did tell her son everything I could remember about what she'd said and done yesterday. I think that whoever is around her at the time is her target, really. She just likes to pick fights when she feels like it (and she'll take advantage of her granddaughter, asking her for things she'd never ask us because she knows we would say no), and apparently years ago she was actually in a physical fight (maybe more than one?) with her own daughter, who was very much like Y in personality.
I do sometimes worry about sharp objects, not for personal safety but because I'm afraid she'll hurt herself. She once cut her finger pretty badly with some sharp scissors.
But I'm happy to say that today, it looks like she's completely forgotten everything that happened yesterday and is back to her normal self. I actually thought she wouldn't be, because although yesterday she calmed down after a while it was obvious she was still mad at me. But hopefully today will be a calm day. Fingers crossed! (Also I fixed oatmeal for her, lol; no more raisin bran ever again for her!)
When my mom died after 2 years of progressing dementia, I said I would not go through this with my dad (the difficult narcissistic person). But now I am here and realize that I am it. This time I set up very stringent boundaries. I will help him with things that AL can't do, and I make sure that AL is doing the right things (medicine, baths, shaving, etc.). I didn't have any type of life for 6 years but now realize that I would do things that other people could do for them. If you are in the situation where you feel totally alone, look in your community for agencies or support groups that can help you. In most communities there are agencies that can provide some support. Please look for them. It was a big mistake to think that I could do everything on my own.
Watch your back. Never walk in front of her. No matter what you say or do, she will find something wrong. Always remain alert. And never leave yourself in a corner. Make it automatic to be vigilant on where she is, where you are, etc...
A word of warning, don't rely completely on her facial expressions. When my mom went through the violent stage (dad refused to give her the meds), she chose sister-in-law as her target for months. Then as she worsened, it turned to us. Such hatred and anger. She would walk towards us with a calm face. But when I looked at her hands, she had it very tight fisted. I turned and ran. She removed her calm facial mask and revealed her anger and hatred. She chased.
Leah have you written your log down for today because if I were you I would hun.. I would also speak to the son because HER behaviour is something HE needs to know about because its not the norm I imagine even if she is not the easiest person to get on with. get that log written gal and try to remember everything even the times when you were assertive