This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Dad's place had first ever family bonfire night. I think Dad enjoyed despite the fact he thought some of them men were wearing his jeans, shirts and belt.
Could only stay an hour as I have to work early tomorrow to cover for my ailing co-worker.
Now, back to sleep, the comment about it being narcissistic to want to care for ourselves got my blood pressure going. Hope I can get back to sleep now.
No, everybody! Do not feel guilty for wanting me time, it is normal and necessary!
The trouble is when caring at home some of us don't have a shift end at all it can be 24/7 for us and then the me time isn't 'when we need it me time' its when they eventually sleep or snatched between a and b. I think we would all benefit from a dedicated 2 hours a day when we KNOW we can do as we want we can plan for it (H*ll planning for anything is nigh on impossible - I can guarantee Mum will fall, get diarrhea or throw a real tantrum if she gets wind that I have planned something for me (no that's not fair sometimes she just sulks).
Narcissistic as this may sound I would really like to have me time when I want it. OK OK self self self but I'm human too at least I used to be!
Just bite your tongue and remember you hate the disease not the person ........my mantra most days!
I wish you well.
P.S... I don't mind, really, if you do hop back in and tell us what the twisteds have done (or not done) when it comes to your mom (or trying to - with L.) {{Hugs}}