This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Glad: Hawaiian salt is mixed with volcanic clay. (no thanks) and li hing mi is a salted dried plum (not for me thanks)
Hope, I live pretty far North (43 degrees) near Buffalo, New York. The only carabao we can get here is dried, and about $5 US per pound (500g).
You should ask your Shaman to speak to the spirit who resides in the tree and ask what his/her wishes are. If the spirit says to share the mango or not share the mango, or to plant more mango trees, follow the spirit's advice.
1 Large firm green/semi-green papaya
1 teaspoon Salt (to taste)
2/3 cup of white Vinegar
1 teaspoon Sugar
1 cup of distilled white water
Chopped red peppers
1. Peel papaya, cut in half and remove the seeds. Then slice the papaya into thin strips
2. In a bowl, sprinkle salt, sugar, and chopped red peppers over the papaya and mix together.
3. After allowing the flavors to marinate after 15 to 30 minutes, place the papaya in a sealable container.
4. Pour the vinegar and water into the container. Add water and vinegar and water until it flows over papaya.
5. Refrigerate overnight before serving.
Sam Choy's Kitchen recipe: Pickled Mango
1 gallon sliced green mango
2 cups sugar
1 cup rice vinegar
4 Tb. Hawaiian salt
¼ pound li hing mui
What the heck is lu hing mui? What is special about Hawaiian salt? I understand the rice vinegar part.
My dad's family, my mom's family, cousins all look forward to mango season. We're the only ones in the family that have Haden and carabao mango. Most of our relatives have the local one. So mango season time, everyone has put their requests. And I'm not talking like 3 or 4 mango. They're used to getting a bagful.
When we tell people that the mango is bitter when not ripe, they insist that they can pickle it. I don't know about that. I'm allergic to mango. So I cannot tell if you can pickle a bitter mango to make it taste good. But niece of next door said that you cannot. It will be wasted.
Gasp! Waste the mango to make pie? Oh no, for locals and Filipino, eating the mango "as is " with salt and fresh pepper is the way to eat it. You can also find different ways to pickle it. The hotter the better. Or even in a salad. I don't think I've ever eaten a mango pie. Nope, bro is very territorial with those mangos. It's some kind of a social thing...favors...etc...
I recall mentioning here how one of our mango tree had mangos growing. Our home and the mango trees are all way inside the back of our land. The front of our home has a huge expanse of land that can park like 12 cars in 3 rows, side by side. Our land has fence links as an L-shape. Then bro has a cement wall between his and the apartment. Our front side is open - no enclosures. When the trees have mango, the neighborhood thinks that they can climb over the link fences or just walk in from the front and pick our mango without asking. They will pick the carabao mango while still green. Carabao is actually bitter if it's not ripe. So picking it while green is wasting it. Through the years, we've had to tell people that they're trespassing. One time, last year, we've even had cops drive up to the house and ask if they can pick mango from the tree in front of our porch. They proceeded to get our ladder, climb up to our roof and pick the mango! I was aghast when I found out. This is Liability for us - the home owner! If that cop fell and got hurt, he can sue us! The same applies when the kids from these apartments sneak at nights to climb the trees to get mangos. FYI, the apartment behind our house has a gate guard. He's just as bad as those kids. I've caught him sneaking mango in the daytime but I just watched from our kitchen window.
With the new apartment, we've been having problems with these 2 high school boys. They walked to our side of the house to pick mango. When the odd caregiver asked them if they asked permission, they just ignored her. That night, I caught them standing on the cement wall, just watching us. I walked a few paces forward and yelled at them Not to stand on that wall. To get down. One kid jumped into bro's land! The other just sat there staring at me. I backed off, texted bro what happened and said he better deal with this. Because when other kids from that apartment sees them doing it, they will follow.
A few days later, bro saw these 2 boys walking around our mango tree in front of our porch. He asked them what they're doing here. The boys were quite rude to him. He ordered them off his land and they didn't listen. He told them that he's the owner of this land (Not, my dad is). Pissed off my bro because he knew that them being minors, he could not lay a hand on them. His son came out of the house and started to try to cause a fight. The boys quickly went to the road and called my brother rude names - like ugly old man, etc....
Bro followed them to the back of the new apartment. Their mom heard their raised voices and started yelling at my brother to leave her kids alone. Bro got mad and told her to tell her kids to quit trespassing and taking things without permission. Her son got mad and told bro to not talk to his mother like that. And bro's son got mad and said, "What, you can talk to my old man like that but he cannot talk like that to your mom?!"
During all these yelling (remember -cliffline - sound carries and bounces), my cousin up the hill heard it. She sent her husband to go down and check. One of mom's distant relatives - from way across - heard the yelling and came to check it out. The boys had five total (3 friends). They were acting tough towards my bro and his son. Until my cousin's husband and 3rd cousin from across came up and confronted the kids.
The kids and their mother threatened our side by saying that they're from this village "A" which is known to have gangs. My bro got pissed off and said that he knows the "P" family from "A" village (very dangerous family - what you people would call 'rednecks' who don't give a damn about the law). When the mom heard that name, she quickly backed into the apartment.
Cops were called from both parties. Cops interviewed everyone. Cop was shocked that these kids had the nerve to just walk into private property, disregard the owner, etc....
Now, the fall out. Remember it's a low income housing. They have very strict rules. When the govt is paying for you to stay in a home, you are allowed to have a guest stay with you - but I think it's about a max of one month. This woman had her boyfriend living with her. The building manager told him to leave. And the woman now has 2 strikes (the boys trespassing and the boyfriend illegally living with her.) The manager told her that one more strike, and she's out. Since then, we have not seen those boys.
That was the first incident from this brand new low income apartment. Incident 2 involves my nephew getting bitten by another renter. That will be another story. It's midnight now and time to sleep.
Sanity, I think you truly understand the meaning of ‘respite’. Whenever I get respite, I use it to pay bills and shop for the house. Then when I get back home, I’m still exhausted. I like your way of doing it. Set aside a day to do the errands and the other one just for me.
Brinoz – yep a travel agent. I’m the only employee working for my 2 bosses –husband and wife team.
Glad, I didn’t even catch it about looking for her son. I forgot that it’s only girls. Yeah, I would check for UTI first. The moon was almost full a few days ago. Every time I got off work around 615pm, I would look up to the beautiful moon against the almost clear sky. Whenever I look up at it, I think it’s so beautiful. I feel myself calming down. The past few days, it’s been rainy weather. I haven’t seen the moon behind those clouds. Too bad. But I believe the full moon can affect people. But due to her age, maybe it’s UTI.
And last couple of days when I pick her up from day program, she is in a panic, very depressed, too grateful to me for picking her up, and thinks she has been gone for months. And it goes on and on and on. :/
Dad was pretty funny at happy hour though. But he did ask where "she" was that is how he has referred to mom for quite some time. I asked who is "she" and then he said she's dead isn't she. Wow through me off I relied yes for a year now and he had no response.
As far as dad banging on the bed rail just tell him if he breaks his hand he is going to the ER and that may stop him.
Does sis need another visit to the spiritual healer by any change? Just don't know what you can do except maybe dock her pay for the things she doesn't do that she is suposed to. Here's another hug. Love you.
She just sent me an email - not to add the warning about electronic devices...
BUT I have respite for 3 hours this afternoon.... Im treating myself to getting my hair colored at a salon .. they even will give you a glass of wine.. so that and a magazine.... just what the doctor ordered. Thank goodness for a tax return!!!!
I get 6 hrs of respite a week. tues I use for errands.. and I decided to start taking Fridays just for me... No making lunch. laundry. bills. whining. commodes lifting mom in and out of bed.... otherwise Im going to blow a gasket !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's stopped relining the trashcan. She's also cut down by half, making hard boiled eggs. I had Assume she would do it on Monday. I came home, saw at 11pm that she did Not make any hard boiled eggs. So, I had to do it that late. I do 6 or 7 eggs at a time. About every 4 to 5 days. She's stopped cleaning the bathroom sink. I'm not cleaning it. I was able to clean the toilet tonight. But was just too tired to do the shower. And the sink is so filthy. The floor, I will try to do in the weekend.
The thing is - sis is pushing me too far with this passive-aggressive thing. I'm really tired. I'm popping those prescriptions headache pills almost daily. I go to sleep at nights, and wake up so exhausted. I was coughing with runny nose a few weeks ago. Yesterday, I'm doing some heavy dry coughing. When I cough, my upper chest feels heavy.
Today, I came home. Dad spilled his drink on the floor. Sis did not clean it or wipe it up. By the time I got to it, it was wet and sticky. After the 4th time of bending down from the waist to wipe up the mess, I stood up, huffing and puffing. I could barely breathe. It felt just like that time when I did the jump rope - heart beating so fast, difficult to breathe and light headed.
Sis needs to stop this passive-aggressive before I end up in the hospital. If she thinks she has it bad now, wait until I'm not here to change his pampers and to lighten dad's moods. I will need to make time to stop by the clinic and make several appointments - yearly physical, mammo, my coughing/chest problem, etc... I was able to cancel my luncheon date for tomorrow with bro's girlfriend. This will give me time to drop by the clinic...maybe if it's not so busy, they can squeeze me. Every time I try to breathe in deeply, I cough hard...
D*rn. Dad is slamming his good hand hard against the bed railing. I told him that if he keeps doing that, he can break a bone. Then what is he going to do with no hands? He just muttered a cuss word.. wonder if that was directed to me? =)
I was going to post yesterday but decided not too as it was the one year anniversary of mom's death. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle the dad mentally. But I did ok as I was busy trying to take of some items for dad then work and a meeting so I did not have time to think about it too much. I did not visit dad though as that is the only time where I could have lost it. I think mom would have been ok as I think she gave me me I do not know what to call it, healing vibes? as I slept soundly through the night which rarely happens.
Also have you considered a chore list for your sister?
If you have a list of everything that needs to be done around your house not just your fathers items maybe she will do more.
I like glad's statement and is very professional sounding!
I came home today. Soooo hungry but had to clean the sink because it had dirty dishes and clogged up strainer. I saw that sis took out the pamper trash but did not reline the trashbin with a new plastic bag. You know, I take out the trash of both bins all the time. I automatically replace it with new plastic bags. How hard is it to do that? What? Just because she took out the trash, then I should reline the trashcan? If that's her thoughts, then how about next time, I take out both trash and Not reline it? Will she do it? NO. I can see her just dumping the trash in the bin with no trashbag. Venting because .... I'm becoming resentful and angry. I need to let it out instead of keeping it all inside.
While I'm venting, the boss' wife read one of my emails to a client. In that 'tone' of voice, she asked me why I put that about the devices in the eticketed itinerary. Who said that? Well, United Airlines, Fox news and CNN news. She had this look of disbelief.
I put on the bottom of the itinerary:
Please ensure that all electronic devices are fully charged. TSA may require that you turn it on. If it does not turn on, it will not be allowed onboard.
I told her that I'd hate for a customer to have a battery almost drained and then try boarding the plane when TSA ask them to turn it on. If it's dead, they cannot bring it on the flight. She still gave me that 'look'.
Later, she said, "You can atleast try to say it better."
Okay, guys. My bosses do not like me to be wordy in my messages on these eticketed itineraries. I've seen that Both of them do Not tell the passengers on paper the minimum date change penalty. They just put, "Changes may result with penalty and any additional airfare." .... I put down, "Minimum date change penalty is $300.00 + any additional airfare." Now of the two sentences, as travelers, wouldn't you prefer My version? To me, I would like to know right away what's the cost if I decided to change my dates. My bosses think - less is better.
So, about the electronic devices, how can I keep it short and yet 'say it in a better way."???? I have tried to find a better way but... I can't.
Nitpickers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sigh... I work tomorrow...whoppee.....soooo not true....
I immediately went to another tire shop, sold me $125@ tires. These were really great tires. Lasted 5years except I found out that every time I turned too much, it would hit the side wall. I didn't know this. I took it to the dealership for that thump when turning. It seems I bought a tire that was too wide for my car.
Next sets of tires I bought, my brother came with me. This time to Good Years Tire. $125@..that was the tires I just changed. A few days ago, the road was wet and my tires were having a difficult time turning. It wasn't really gripping the road. It's been raining off and on. I work in the tourist district with lots of pedestrian and stop/go traffic. I didn't want to chance skidding, hit someone,they die and I go to prison. I went and bought the tires at Good Years Tire. Yes, I thought it was way too expensive. But I'm running out of shops to go to. After I bought it, I've decided that I will no longer go back to them again. If it's like their previous tires, I have another 3 years to decide the next tire shop.