This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Oh, I'm sorry I mistakenly thought you'd written about high blood pressure.
Sorry about that.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I agree with others.......this does sound like a very severe allergy, no matter what is causing it. Have it checked. Many of any restaurants, whether they be fast food, or even fine dining.......use enhancers and as someone even mentioned the spices and things such as MSG, if your're unsware first of all as to the exact cause, that's one problem, then if one doesn't know what's in the food for sure, that's a double problem right there. Maybe this will be a motivator for you to start learning to cook for yourself. You really are the only one who can have control over the cooking and ingredients aspect. Besides, I don't know why you aren't doing this already
with some of the health ailments you have written about, like the blood pressure,
high cholesterol, etc.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Don't even buy it for Dad or have it in the house. cross contamination is very common. Wear gloves and clean all surfaces with bleach if sis brings anything home. Frozen food stamp fish can do it if you wash her dishes. I don't want to read your obitury in the Pacific Times next week!
I meant that when I ordered the fish sandwich at Wendy's, I wasn't thinking "allergy". I guess it would be safer to go to the doctor and make sure what I'm allergic to? I want to test that tuna theory. Since the tuna macaroni came from that same take-out place, I cannot rule out completely that I'm now allergic to tuna. I want to make my own tuna sandwich but now I'm afraid that with the swelling tongue, that I'm now playing with fire. So, I'm truly agreeing with you. That maybe it's best to check the doctor on this. If I start swelling, my dad won't even know it. Even if he calls 911, they may not understand him, he won't be able to hear them, and I would be slowly dying a slow death - choking on the floor.
I'm so tired. I don't know why I had such a broken sleep this morning. I kept waking up throughout the night. I woke up at 1:15am and couldn't believe it was only 30 minutes since I fell asleep. Then woke up at 2:30, and again, and again.
Later.... I'm going to see if I can sleep early tonight....I had a difficult week at work. It's very very hard to look busy when you have nothing to do.
Book, if it's shrimp that you are allergic to ( and I agree, you really should go to an allergist to get testing; I resisted doing it for years, finally did it and with one daily Zyrtec, I've stop getting sinus infections and headaches--I'm allergic to DUST!) you have a reliable way of telling if packaged items have any contact with shrimp. Any packaged item that it Kosher Certified--there are various symbols, OU being the most common--will have no shellfish in, near or around them. Something to think about.
The last time I ate the corn puffs was Sunday night. That was the last time I ate it because when I woke up Monday morning, my lips were tingling. I checked the mirror and for the first time - my lips were swollen. Lesson learned. No More Corn puffs.
I didn't even think anything when I ordered the cod fish sandwich at Wendys on Wednesday. I ate just fine. No reaction. No tingling lips. Yesterday, I had a take out lunch - pancit with hamburger (very thin noodles with ground beef and carrots.) I've had take outs from this place and lately been getting tingling lips. The same with the pancit - even though I saw no seafood anywhere near it. Today, I got take out from the same place - this time tuna macaroni. Oh, boy... Within 15 minutes after the meal, my lips were tingling. As I was driving to work, my right back tongue was tingling. In the office, I noticed my back tongue felt funny...like it was getting bigger. Oh no! So, I quickly opened my purse and swallowed an allergy pill. Within 45 minutes after my lunch, my back right side tongue definitely felt swollen. I kept an eye out on my swelling tongue for the next 3 hours. It's back to normal now. I think this restaurant is using the same chopping board or oil or pan which was used to make shrimp meals. Because I have noticed that whenever I eat food from this place - even if it's completely no seafood in it - I get tingling lips. So, like the corn puffs, I now must avoid eating food from this restaurant.
Now, I'm scared to eat the cod fish sandwich from Wendys....
Is there anything sis won't touch because she doesn't like it? That delicious fish sandwich is probably not healthy eating by the way.
Try and think about sis as someone with dementia who has no control over her actions. If you are going to bring pizza home to eat make her hand over the $5 before you go buy it. Can you take stuff to work with you so she can't get at it? is there a fridge you can keep stuff in there? Put it in a sealed container with your name on it. Other employees may think it is fair game.
"K's food for Dad's dinner DO NOT TOUCH" Whatever will work. Think of sis as an uncontroable todler who will do stuff on impulse just like many of the loved ones other caregivers write about. if d was not bedbound he would be into everything while you were at work. As far as everyone praising sis try and let it go. You know the truth and she has nothing in her life. You probably won't do this but anything you are saving at home label in the same way. "K's dinner Wed night sis please don't eat". if she eats stuff she has not paid for and won't give you the money you could deduct it from the money you give her for babysitting Dad. I know you won't do that but just knowing you can may make you feel better. As the saying goes ( sorry Hope and Jeanette) there is more than one way of killing a cat!" As i type my bundle of fur is sitting on the arm of my chair. If I kept still she would have a paw on my arn ?holding hands!
I just wanted to say that our local radio DJ, every year, raves about the Wendy's fish sandwich during Lent season. I never ordered it because it's so expensive. I finally decided to give it a try. OMGoodness! It was delicious!!!! Now, for the past few days, that's all I think about. I'm going to rearrange my budget to include eating it again. Oh, I need to go and do the survey online. If I do, I will get a $2.00 off for a large sandwich or a full-sized salad. I want the salad! That will make it go down to about $5.00. I will do it after I change dad's pamper.
O.K., I get it.. that's a great ideal about having your sister do the cooking.
But it doesn't sound as if that's going to happen.
But gee.........that's not a good thing what you are doing to your body, eating this way. I'd be starving too. Aside from looking up allergy foods, try reading about nutrition a bit. Where there's a will, there's a way.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Before my dad's stroke, because he was home and mom bedridden, he was still able to garden and cook dinner. I almost always came home with dinner waiting for me. No matter how late I came home, dad would wait up dinner, So that we can eat together. Together, we changed mom's pamper. We were a team.
Sis is an isolated island. Not a team player. Each to their own. SHE cooks only for herself. I cook for us to last the whole day. Sis doesn't like the food I cook. I throw in lots of onions, veggies, etc.. She prefers plain food....
I'm sure that you could be having a reaction to anything with shrimp/prawns.
It sounds to me as if you eat a lot of products with this ingredient in it.
Another thing.......sometimes all these snack kinds of foods are loaded with other horrible food preservatives, enhancers. They can also trigger allergies, so watch out. I avoid MSG at all costs.
But listen.......I read a couple pages ago your post about food. It seems to be a recurring issue in your household. You'd probably do yourself and your father a huge favor if you learned to cook. I know you've written about being exhausted.
When one resorts to fast foods, and then snacking as one's only nutrition.......we have to wonder why we may be having certain health issues too.
If your saying your dad is drinking less water.......precisely these shrimp snacks,
canned soup is loaded with sodium. Sodium although known for fluid retention,
raises blood pressure. When blood pressure is high it really agitates the systems in the body and can have a drying effect. So just so that you are aware of the actions high salt has on the body, thus leading to constipation and high BP.
This could be a major cause of those headaches also.
The other thing, is that is there some way that you could negotiate something with your sister? You and your dad shouldn't have to be skimping on nutrition, and then be watching your sister waste her food. I don't know the whole story as to how she ended up in your famliy's home. But by what I do know, it appears she could be there out of her need too, since she has no other place to be. Use that as a bargaining chip of sorts. Tell her that sure she's there watching your dad, etc. (can't remember whether she's paid for that), however, she's still being provided a roof over her head. So the least she could do is stop being so self absorbed and stingy.
But if you learn to cook, and it doesn't have to be like a gourmet meal, you would save money instead of relying on snacks and junk food. I know that stuff costs a lot! Really not good for the health, either.
O.K., well I won't even go into about the corn. I don't eat it anymore.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Today, when I got home, I asked dad if he wanted his pizza for dinner. He said yes. Oh my! He had 3 leftovers from yesterday. Today, there was only 1 piece left. I had packed my 2 leftovers in a plastic bag. Sis didn't touch that.
You know, one personal pan is cut into 4 small pieces. Based on what she ate, sis ate 3 pieces. She should have reimbursed me with some of her cash since she practically has eaten one personal pan pizza! My dad paid his $5 for his pizza. I paid my $10 for 2 of mine. I know this is nitpicking but.. if sis has all that food from food stamps and has not offered any to me (canned and microwavables) then, shame on her for touching mine and my dad's food!!! Now when dad is craving for more pizza tomorrow, there will be nothing left.
I think that after 57 years years on earth that I've learned that the only person that I can control is me and even that is tough at times.Sad to say but buried emotions like anger have a way of creeping back up and biting us with injured physical and/or emotional health.
Take care of yourself for you are valuable.
How about setting a certain day only for shopping? I basically know what my dad needs. So, I already have my list in my head. I go through the house to see what's lacking or becoming low on. I put it down on my cell phone notebook so that when I go to the store, I already have the list.
Appts are difficult. Several times my dad said he will go to his appts. Then on the day of the appt (I take off from work to take him), he decides not to go! It drove me so mad because I wasted one of my 'vacation' leave.
Yep, I agree, vent away!
P.S... I've learned here that there's also the option of just walking away - as in out of the room. Go and take a break. When you're ready, go back in. That works, too. Now, I grab my book and go to my bedroom. 30 minutes later, I come back out.
Sometimes, I just need to come here and vent. Helps to relieve all that pressure I've held in.