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I think ive figured out why i get cranky when i go to take care of mom...groceries, appts, etc. Lack of control over the situation. Not knowing whats going to happen next and when. The worry leads to frustration and then anger. Doesnt really make sense...but im kind of a control freak and when i dont have control of something, it stresses me to no end. I have to learn to not worry about anything beyond today but i dont even know if thats possible after 58 years. And i dont want to deal with whats ahead by myself...but i dont have either of my sisters alive to help...thanks to drugs/alcohol.... and i know i have anger from that. I keep thinking ill go to a support group...but havent and probably because im just trying to not think about things. Just having a little vent!
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Thank,your magnum I needed that ! Hugs to you
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You're not a horrible daughter, you are a stressed out human being who sounds like they are trying to be both saint and superwoman! Take care!
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Exhausted running out of steam , I feel like a horrible daughter when I get mad at my mom ... She is max assist 250 lbs and won't lift a finger ... Thank you for asking !
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I have a funny story to share tonight. Last night my desktop computer's keyboard died. I went out and bought one that was a name brand that I know makes a lot of other products but not a keyboard. However, when I got it home I discovered the keyboard was stuck up. I've never had a stuck up keyboard.. I called it stuck up because the keys were stuck in place and would not hardly move. I returned the stuck up keyboard and went to another store where I bought a keyboard with a company name that I know makes keyboards. I am very pleased to have a keyboard that is not stuck up! :)
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Book, usually the co-payment that insurance does not pay is standard across the board from one therapist to another unless insurance is totally different there. One can always ask if a therapist will charge on a sliding scale for those in financial need. Some will and some want, but you have to ask to find out who does.
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Thanks, Babalou. Yes, I really need to seriously see a therapist. Just worried about what my copayment will be - 20% per visit. It's a struggle right now with my current expenses. I'm still debating. I wonder if it would be tacky if every therapist I call, if I can ask what will be my copayment. Really, my paycheck fluctuates - based on how many hours I work. It's no longer a set 80 hr payday.

57twin, New Orleans! Wow. I've heard how great the food is there. And the unique music, too. I'm glad that you're enjoying yourselves. Any funny stories to share? Or something you thought as unusual from where you're from? =)
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Well I am enjoying my first vacation in 18 months. Met my sister in New Orleans as she has a conference monday-wed. We explorered part of French Quarter and walked almost 8 miles. Yes my feet are aching.
We took some pictures and will email to the activity director at dads AL so he can show to dad. Picked up some neat items to take back.
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Book, please think about turning around your thinking so that when you have a great Eureka moment like using exel to track food, you can experience it as a triumph and not a defeat! That is what therapy can teach you by the way. To rewire your thinking.
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I can't believe how 'Duh!' I can be. Here I spent over 2 hours searching the web to find a food chart that I can log daily my food intakes, etc... Only now, after leaving it to come back later, that I got an 'Aha!' moment. Hello?! I love to use Excel to do my budget sheet, itemize every receipt under which credit card, my paycheck itemization, etc.. I even have on the same Excel budget the years I've been slowly paying off my monthly car loan and the total balance to pay it off. On another Excel budget: Dad's Expense 2015. K's Expense 2015. And each receipt I used for our expenses (whether cash or credit card or to caregiver), I log into our respective sheets with detail itemization. This, I email to myself, in case my laptop crashes. I still have the money trail of dad's and my expenses.

Hello?! I can make my Own Food chart to my specifications. sigh... sometimes I don't use common sense as quickly as I should. Ugh!!!! That is my next project after I log out here. This is for my laptop.

I still need an App for the devices - in case I do an emergency doctors visit/ER. I will have it handy with me.
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This morning for breakfast, had my usual ice coffee (has milk powder) and half an egg sandwich. Immediately after eating/drinking. My lips started tingling. An hour later, the tip of my tongue is tingling... sigh.. Please let it not be eggs! I love eggs... an egg into my Ramen soup. Egg with fried rice and Portuguese sausage.

Anyway, I've been googling on iPad Apps for food diary, the Kindle apps also for food diary. Will also look on WebMD for a food chart diary to download on my laptop. I use either iPad or Kindle when I go out, and the laptop when I'm home. I wouldn't know which digital device I will have when I go out. So, I'm looking for an app for all. Preferably the laptop - which I can print my chart if/when I go see the doctor. I don't have wi-fi on my cell phone. The cost to include this access with our land line/cable bill is...expensive. So, having an app for my cellphone (which I always have with me when I go out) is out.

Previously I was able to eat food that had shrimp on it, without reacting to it. Now, I'm reacting to it so... time to completely any food that has shrimp in it.
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Well Book, at least you can ditch the lip liner now....LOL Hope you feel better soon. Allergies are scarey things, I have to carry an epi pen...hope I never hace to use it!
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Sneaky little things these allergies Book. Guess you will have to do some more label reading when you go to the store
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I was showing fave niece the rashes on my legs that's spreading upward and have had it for months now. She wanted to see it. It looks like razor burns but teeny tiny dots all over my legs. I then said that it's on my arms and spreading, too. She asked to feel the ones on my legs. Then she felt the ones on my arms. She said that I'm allergic to something. Ahem.. I said yeah I figured that much. Look at my upper lips. The edge is standing out (as in redness) and I've had it even before I started any medications. She looked at my lips, and said, "Yep, you're allergic to something. You need to figure it out."

Hours later. It's evening. I got out dad's snacks - which I partake from. The first one I pour into his snack bowl is - Prawn Crackers. Yes, yes, I've been eating this but I never had any Real reaction to it -despite my being allergic to the real shrimp.

Then, I opened a new bag of Cheese curls called Corn Puffs Snack. I was munching on it when I decided to check out the ingredients. .... dried fish extract powder (anchovy).. okay not so bad....
Then I read down to: ALLERGY INFORMATION...wheat, soybean, milk, fish.
This Product was Processed in a Facility that also Processes Food Containing: Egg, crab, shrimp, tree nuts.

Oops... both of dad's favorite snacks have shrimp or have had contact with shrimp preparation. sigh. I guess I will need to stop munching on these and see if those rashes go away, and my upper lip goes back to normal.
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Veronica, yesterday, she offered me some of her powdered donuts... Uhm, no thanks. I like to eat it freshly bought, not when it's spent several days in the fridge. I have always thought that soft bread loses something when refrigerated. Doesn't taste the same...

Sis is okay. The local healer helped pull her from the edge. For now. Gotta go.
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57twin from what Book has shared having a conversation with eldest sis would simply be a waste of breath. Sis is so mentally ill there is no reasoning with her. Also Book is such a kind and generous person she would never let another family member go hungry even if it meant no dinner for her.
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Book I would label your food and then have a long conversation about your sisters buying habits. If you have to keep the non pershiable stuff locked away from your sister. She seems like she is buying alot of junk food and will try to sponge off of you when she is out of food stamps. That is her problem not yours as you have enough on your plate already.
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we are doing OK here, dad got moved up to MC this week, Mom was pretty stessed. But he is setteling in and Mom is happier, so this looks like it will be permanent. He was stuck in AL for a week with a companion due to a GI bug in MC unit.. so one week of our "try it out" respite shot.. and mom loved the one on one.. but I felt like he was sort of shut out. Now in MC he is with people who understand his problem. They are great, and I feel good about this. However, he is going downhill fast and that makes me sad
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Book eldest sis won't be able to ration her food stamps and will have them all used up within a week. Yes don't buy food for her.
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It so sucks when your oldest sister qualifies for food stamps - finally - and buys all that food. It just drives me crazy to see all her food there. And I cannot touch it. Depressing me. Because when I use my money to buy those chop steaks (??), h*ll, I'm terrible in the kitchen. I figured it's time to learn to cook. I don't even know the names of the meat - they all are the same - meat. chop steak, pork chop, etc... Anyway, I use my money to buy the bag of rice of $26.00, the chops for $9.00, a non-stick pan (we didn't have any), etc.. I cooked for Both of us. When I stop by Wendys or KFC to pick up dinner (cuz I know sis never cooks), I almost always buy something for her. With my money. Yet....

I'm just so disappointed. And it's getting me depress and teary eyed that sis will not share with her food. Gosh... maybe I'm being so self-centered - only thinking of my side and not hers. I know that she's being passive-aggressive with me on the darn sink and dishes. And I'm telling you, it's working!!! I've tried and tried to ignore it but... Just because she has food stamps, that doesn't mean she's going to waste that almost full pot of rice! She used to faithfully put it in the fridge before bedtime. Now, she doesn't care. Well, I care, because I spent $26.00 on that bag of rice! Little things like this is driving me crazy. Just because you have food stamps doesn't mean you can now waste food. Grrrrr!!!! ... I got to stop dwelling on this. Best way to distract me - I need to go read my fantasy books.

Now, she has all those food and dessert. Only after day 2, she finally offered me a piece of her chocolate cake. I see candies, powdered donuts, canned and frozen food. And I cannot touch it.

I'm... I would have bought some real frozen meat and some veggies like broccoli. Boy, I sure miss real meat..not microwavables. The real deal meat. I think I will check my budget and see if I can treat myself to a restaurant meal of the local flavor.

Dad's been craving pizza. Every time there's a pizza commercial, he perks up and asks, "Pizza?" I told him, if I remember, I will swing by Pizza Hut after work and get us each a personal pan. I'm seriously thinking of NOT buying one for sis. $5-some personal is expensive. I don't have the money for Her pizza. I will just use my lunch money for the pizza. Dad's money for his pizza.
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No. I know of a couple from a Hawaii. Missionaries for years here on island. The wife's respiratory problems were getting worse as the years went by. Their home, the building was kept as clean as possible. But when you live in an island that rains a lot, mold/mildew will grow anywhere - even on the roof, walls,steps, etc... Her respiratory problem got so bad, they had to move back to Hawaii.

I can tell you this much. I'm okay here at home. But when I go to the office, it's stuffy. And I work in the corner where the central air con doesn't hit me. So, for the past few days, I find myself struggling to breathe normally. It's as if the air is stale. And then my nose starts running, face gets all stuffed up, etc.... I think our office has stale air, no clean air coming through, the carpet may need deep cleaning. Years ago, my primary doctor asked me if my office has carpet, etc... She wanted to speak to my boss that we need to deep shampoo the carpet because I was suffering from it. I told her no, please, don't talk to my boss. I'm fine at home. I still sneeze a lot but I don't blow my nose as often as when I'm in the office. Time to take that knock-out pill and then take a shower. Hopefully, I don't sleep through the several wake-up alarms tomorrow morning.

I gave dad the soup. He was trying to scoop the soup with the spoon backward. He had the scooped side down, and the bottom of the spoon upward. He kept trying to scoop the soup into his mouth. I told him to turn his spoon around. He ignored me and kept trying to scoop the food. I had to turn the spoon. He laughed and said, "I told you I'm going crazy." He ate that soup as if he's starving. Later, all.

Glad, I really cannot see myself spending $2000.00 on an air ticket to Virginia. Bro's gf just text me asking when I would like to go to lunch. I texted back that I'm sick. I'll let her know when I'm normal.
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Book, all of your health problems could be caused by the ongoing mold problems. Best test of that? Go on vacation for a couple of weeks to someplace sunny and dry;-) . have you ever been tested for mold allergy?
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Whooping cough has hit here..3 kids so far. Wife got the coughs after they both spent a wild weekend in Honolulu with friends. I forgot to tell them that it will be very cold there. I went for surgery in Hawaii in February. I was freezing while my mainland siblings found it normal. We had to go to Ross so that I can buy a jacket - which helped a bit but I was still freezing from the legs down. Well... I do have pictures of me in the middle of the day, still hugging myself from the cold. And there's baby bro in his t-shirt.

Veronica, yes, bathroom walls are back to black. I'm able to prevent regrowth in the shower. But I see new growth under the toilet tank. And the high walls... is a lost cause. The mop I bought doesn't scrub off the mold. I need to hand scrub it, then pour water while more scrubbing.

I just fed dad real food. Well, it's not the nutrient drink. I gave him my leftover chicken veg soup -from the can. He said it's very salty. I said yes. (Although I didn't notice it.) But I'm glad that he ate real food. He hasn't had a BM in 3 days. I'm concerned. The thing is, he's cut back drastically on drinking water. When I told him this morning he needs to drink more water because maybe that's why he's not poohing. His body needs the water to flush his inside and to help his poop come out. He said he does drink water. I showed him the overnight urine bag - and said that it's usually 3/4 full by morning. Look, it's only 1/4 filled. And his cup of water is still full from last night. I pointed to his 2 water jars and said it's both full because I didn't pour any water in his cup all evening and night. He didn't drink water since I came home from work. He couldn't deny that. So, when my back was turned, he drank his cup of water. The same again tonight after work. I reminded him of the water, and that he hasn't drank from it since I got home. He drank it. So, now he's having BM problems. Tonight, when I got home from work and ascertained that he did have dinner, I gave him Ovaltine. He loves it. And hopefully the milk will encourage him to BM. We will see. I told him straight out that I'm not sticking my fingers or hands up his butt to dig out the poop. He better find a way to poop or I'm taking him to the clinic/ER.
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PS I like this new avatar the best so far Book.
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Book has Bosses wife seen the Dr about that cough? She has been sick far too long.
Need I tell YOU to get proper treatment for your allergies. Have the bathroom walls turned black again?
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Boss' wife is coughing badly. She had to leave work early yesterday, around 2pm. Yesterday, I was busy having a non-stop dripping nose. My boss, yesterday, was busy sniffling and few cough here and there. Last night, I took 1 of the generic NyQuil. It sure knocked me out good. I only woke up at 7:10am because my dad woke me up saying that he's so cold. He had kicked off the 2 blankets. Boy, that one pill is so strong. I'm so glad that I don't follow the instructions - to take 2 pills. I slept so good though. I need to be careful taking these pills. I tend to get addicted. When I get well and don't take it, I lay awake for hours trying to Not take the pill.

I will try this flu generic Nyquil for a while. If my 'cold and sneezing fits' don't go away, then I'm not sick. It's allergies. I also bought a generic allergy pills for runny nose/sneezing. We will see....
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In the online course, they mentioned negative environment cues. The scenario I gave above was one of those - in which by placing the commode in her view, it prompted her to use it all the time. Another scenario was the husband's wife was having problem finding the commode. When we looked at the photo, the white commode was leaning against the white wall. For someone with dementia, white against white - makes it difficult to 'see' the commode. So, husband decided to make the commode stand out - by putting a colored wash cloth on the commode's back. Now, when you look, you can see the commode because of the wash cloth. Now, he was having a new set of problem. Has anyone guessed it? When I saw the washcloth on the back rest of the commode, I remembered thinking, "Oh no! Don't put any washcloth on that commode!"

Sure enough, the 'disoriented cue of the environment' is the washcloth. She can now find the commode because of it. But, now she uses it to dip into the commode's bowl to wet it, and 'washes' herself with it!!!! (Yuck)... So, although her husband found a way for the commode to stand out, he didn't realize that by putting the washcloth on the commode, that she would use it to 'wash' herself.

Solution, they used a colored tape on the commode's outline so that it pops out from the white wall.
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Lady as a nurse I felt most patients waited for their families to be away from their bed before they would let themselves die-after DNR came into being I would sit with pt's just holding their hand if the family was not around-I never told anyone it was just something I wanted to do-I did not want anyone to die alone-I was with my mother in her room and for the whole week before when he died and it came so softly-I missed it-looked up and saw that she had stopped breathing.
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There was a case study on the course. I never really thought about it until they addressed it. The mother sits on the chair all day and uses the portable commode, which is located on her front left side, every 15 minutes. Her daughter thought that maybe her mother had some kind of medical health issues for her to keep using the 'bathroom' every 15 minutes. By observing where she's sitting all day and what is around her - all you see is just her and that commode on her left view. Because she has nothing to do but sit all day, every time she sees the commode, she gets up to use it. The solution was to put the commode Behind her left side, away from her view. Then set up a routine 'bathroom' schedule and give her some activities.

Tomorrow, I will tell you about the husband whose wife couldn't find the portable commode. He tried to find a solution which even I knew what was going to happen when he did this. And I was correct....
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It's the dementia book's turn to be read. So, I started a while back on the ebook Confessions of an Imperfect Caregiver. I was so struggling with that book.. mainly because it's an ebook in my kindle. The kindle weighs much more than a small paperback book. With the shoulder pain, I rarely carry the kindle in my purse. But I cannot leave it in the car under the hot sun. So, I read it when I have a few minutes free time at home. I also knew that if I carried a fantasy book (mystery, sci-fi, etc...) I would never finish the dementia one. I decided to start on another dementia book Love Never Sleeps. So far in this book, I see my mom as she had progressed in her dementia. Well, several of my used books on the fantasy side (Home for the Haunting ... The Peach Keeper... Left Hand Magic) came in. I am so eager to read it, that I spent hours devoted to finishing the Imperfect Caregiver. I was able to resist skipping to the end - just to 'finish' reading it. I'm done - finally at 11:30pm.

The good news is that the online course on Dementia - they have announced that they will keep the course open - even after it has ended. So many people requested to keep it open because so many posters were posting such great resources on other websites. Unfortunately, Agingcare was not mentioned - except by me. But, I also spent an hour copying/pasting these recommended websites. Hopefully, I can also include this in my 'regiment' of reading. Maybe take turns: Dementia book, then next fantasy, then online website on dementia, then fantasy book, then dementia book. I think if I did it this way, I will also be able to ready those websites. If I find anything new and unusual, I'll pop in and let you all know.
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