This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Hi Yankeeluver, welcome to AC (Agingcare). Feel free to post whatever is in your mind or to vent, etc… Sorry about your father getting a stroke. My dad had a mild stroke but he refused to do physical therapy. So, now he’s bedridden and refuses to leave the hospital bed – not even to sit on the wheelchair. I hope your dad is a fighter. That he’s willing to do PT so that he can be as independent as possible. If staying a night at hotel will give you the rest you need, then do it. Doing that is so rare and hard to come by. Do it while you still can.
57twin, that’s nice that your dad can still visit you and eat normally (although slowly.)
Pam, I don’t know how to take a urine sample. I recall reading here that there is a way for you to collect it. It’s like a container you put on the toilet seat, and when he urinates, you can take your sample from it. I never really paid attention to the details since my dad is in pamper. Great! You got the respite. Don’t feel bad. Or that it’s a sign of failure. Think of it as everyone getting a vacation – even your dad. I’m so glad for you all.
Windy, you have a lot to contend with. Mom will just have to spend her weekends at AL if your son is not around due to unforeseen circumstances. Just don’t over extend yourself with hubby being only one-handed now. Watch that heart of yours as you clear the snow. And I think your SILs were brave to be able to get the key away from FIL! We all knew that dad drove awful. Good thing the car died out twice on the main road with oncoming cars and a tourist bus coming straight at him. He was able to start the car immediately to get out of the way. After the 2nd time, he became too scared to drive. He’s afraid of dying so.. not driving was not a big issue as compared to almost being run over by a big bus.
Okay, now I can try to do my d*rn tax return. I'm terrible it at. I once paid oldest sis ($20) to do it. She had me getting a tax refund of $700.00. I did Tax Act online, and I got much more than $700.00. Only problem is that I cannot backtrack on Tax Act to correct something that I misunderstood the question. So, I then went to TurboTax to redo my tax return.
My husband was on a ladder taking down Christmas lights on Saturday and the ladder let go and down he went onto concrete steps. I had no idea he decided to do that. I was in the back of the house when I heard a big thud. I was mad because I always hold the ladder when he does stuff like that and he didn't even let me know. The result was a broken elbow and 6 to 8 weeks of healing. I feel bad for him and am helping him out as he only has the use of one arm now.
My mom is only concerned and mad that she may not get out of her AL every weekend. My husband is her 'lifter' in and out of her wheelchair. Our 18 year old son is committed to help, but come next year, he will be away at college. I realize that will not be in play then, but geez, mom is already worried about what ifs...
I'm 54 years young and will have to deal with 4" of new snow tomorrow by myself. Our son comes home from school, has a short time to eat and has to leave for work right away. *blah*
My husband feels so bad being not able to help, but his hand started swelling in his cast today from trying to do stuff. I had my nurse friend across the street convince him to keep his hand above his heart and sit still or bad things could happen. Thankfully the swelling went down.
Six to eight weeks of this stuff will be fun.
My sisters-in-law tried to take FIL keys away yesterday on a conference call as I was driving hubs and I home from the ER. That was not enjoyable.
Hugs to everyone. This journey is a pain in the arsenal.
In other news we are closing later this week on the foreclosed property next to us. Quite a bit of work to be done and once it's nicer outside dad can help for a bit. He will like that.
I felt so bad. Learning on that online course on Alzheimer, I know that I should be getting him involved with activities. But when he gets mad at me, I just forget all that and withdraw from him.
I'm back to procrastinating. I need to make another appointment to get new RX for my depression. It's such a struggle when I don't want to get up in the morning. I just want to stay in bed every day. Then I get more depress when I Have to do dad and Have to go to work.
I'm procrastinating on therapy. I need to talk to my doctor. I have absolutely no interest in therapy. If I go, it's just doing the motions. I won't do the assignments. I won't think hard about what we talk. Most times, by the time I leave the office, I forgot most of what we discussed. First therapist didn't want me to take notes. He did an outline of what we talked and gave it to me. When I got home, I completely forgot what A, B and C were. I remembered coming here asking you all what he meant by this. When I'm nervous or if I have headaches, I Don't Remember Much. Heck, even with Therapist 2, I took notes - and it was totally not what she meant. Her words and My comprehension of it - were skiltered. Most of my assignments were Off course, off the grid, etc....
I've ordered more books related to Alzheimer. These were books recommended by posters on the online course.
I caved in and got the ebook for Still Alice.
Paperbacks:
Inside Alzheimer's: How to Hear and Honor Connections with a Person who has Dementia.
Finding the Joy in Alzheimer's: When Tears are Dried with Laughter
There's some websites that they recommended. I copied/pasted it. But haven't looked into it yet.
SIL came in to pick up her mail. I whispered asking how it went. Sis finally figured out something was up when they all were sitting down with the healer. And he kept talking to her mostly in our language and in English. She turned to them and asked, "Why am I here?" And bro told her that he thinks the spirit is bothering her. She said, "Okay." So, they bought 2 blessed rosary cross necklaces - one for dad, and one for sis. Since I'm not Catholic, they did not get me one. Sis still needs to go back to the healer the next 3 days for the healer to do whatever it is he's doing. He did sense the spirit vaguely on sis. He also gave her the advise to not be outside from 6pm-6am. But the worst time to be outside is from midnight to 5am. Sis is a heavy smoker. I've heard her go out to smoke even around 2am. I wonder if this will mean she's going to buy an air freshener and smoke in the bedroom.
As for me, I'm biased. I've always figured that mom and her mother had Alzheimer, that we might get it too. Mom got it in her early 50's. Oldest sis is about 57 yrs old. I just figured that she's mentally unbalanced and needs some help on it. Plus with her being able to see and talk to the spirits, she's open to their influences.
I totally agree that it is important for people to make a differentiation, when it comes to mental illness vs. a demonic possession. Another thing that I have heard over and over again, as I listen to a radio show which many times features healers,
old belief systems, and the impact they can have on people's lives, that cling to those belief systems.......That is that they warn against people looking into, becoming involved in occult practices that tend to be negative. They have talked of people, who are very confused, say as in drug addiction, or even an undiagnosed mental condition. If these individuals seek out negative practices.......these dark energies can take over a person's already damaged psyche, definitely people who believe so strongly in them. This is why I think it is very important to discern, and really be careful about what one believes also!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
It is very hard to keep pretending they don't exist. 2 years ago, I just laid down to sleep in my spoon position on my left side. I had closed my eyes when I heard a child sigh contentedly in my spooned space. Needless to say, I panicked. I pretended to stretch while turning so that now I'm in a spoon position on my right side. As soon as turned to my right, I felt this light sensation of soneone crawling over me from my back side to my front. I decided to ignore the spirit child and just go to sleep.