This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Therapy to me is a form of spiritual healing. We can get stuck in our therapy when we keep our focus on the bad in our lives without allowing good in to replace it. That is like eliminating a bad food from our diet while not bringing in a good food to replace the lost calories. Pretty soon we'll crave the bad food again because a void has been left in our diet.
I enjoy reading one of our members who is into yoga and other things because I see her chasing out bad things with good. I know we can all do this in our own lives, but I have to admit I am not a good person to wrestle with other people's demons. They are always a lot stronger than I am.
One of the worst things to happen in the field of mental illness was the belief of some that demons caused mental illness. Some churches have held on to that view and it is no surprise that some people with a mental illness have found churches to be of little help and sometimes a lot of harm by telling people they either have a demon, an unconfessed sin, or just lack strong faith. It is a good thing to be able to report that not all churches are like that and that groups like NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) are working with churches and other faith groups to find ways that faith, spirituality, mental health meds, and therapy can all work together on treating the whole person in helping them recover as much as it is possible a life with a mental illness. Change is moving slowly, but it is coming.
Thankfully, most of Western society has grown past that old view of mental illnes and demons, but sad to say Western society has gone to the other extreme of believing that there is no role for faith and spirituality in helping a mentally ill person recover. In a few, rare spots that is starting to change not only in churches but in hospitals as well.
The other thing that Western society is for some strange reason it appears that many Christians in the West no longer believe in the reality of demons which can be cast out in Jesus' name and the reality of the devil who can be resisted with God's help. Sometimes, we are too quick to give the devil or demons credit for something that is some dark thing someone chose to do. There is a balance in their between either extreme.
Before the title of borderline personality disorder, therapists use to just call those people mean. Now, we understand that a combination of nurture and nature makes them the way they are.
From my understanding there is a differentiation between a mental illness and the demonic possession of a person. Otherwise people would be casting the demon of depression, the demon of bipolar, the demon of narcissism, the demon of borderline, the demon of OCD and so on out of people.
When I lived in Kentucky, I sometimes hear about the old days in which revivalists would preach against the tobacco demon or the alcohol demon. Those are addictions not demons.
The chapter that differentiates between mental illness and demon possession can be found @ www.schizophrenia dot com/media/strength dot htm
I hope this does not develop into an argument about this. I'm just sharing my perspective and I believe we are all entitled to our own perspective without getting angry at the other person.
We must somehow discern the spiritual/mental dynamic of the situation. Are they acting like they are because something is physically wrong with them? Are they mentally ill? Are their personalities disordered by something that we can explain? After all of those questions are answered then we might consider something demonic going on.
One pastor who has a brother with schizophrenia has written a chapter in his book that differentiates between demon possession and schizophrenia. That chapter is online.
I think there is room for both the old ways and the new ways of healing. In the US, spiritual healers tend to be quacks, which discredits the importance of spirits in healing. I do think that we inherently realize that much of our mental problems can be helped by opening ourselves up to goodness. But there seems to be people who are closed to receiving a spirit of goodness, so the evil keeps a strong hold.
Many pastors in the US try to attend to spiritual healing, but I don't think their hearts are really into it. I don't know if many even believe that problems can be caused by demons. Maybe it would be more palatable to people to think of these things as self-and-other-destructive characteristics that are firmly entrenched in the mind. They don't have to look like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Perhaps they look like a mental illness, a personality disorder, or an abusive parent. If so, then spiritual healing would be very useful. I don't think you can order a personality out in the name of the Lord. I think you have to wash it away and replace it with a good spirit. Our old saying of "Only love can conquer hate" is a good example.
The Pharmacist is quite right to tell you to stop the citropam. I am glad you did not start the headache stuff because one of them interacts badly with all SSRI which is the family of drugs citropam belongs to. Talk to the Dr but I am wondering if you try the migrain drugs and you get rid of the headaches that alone may be enough to help the depression. Pain is very depressing. It is always a good idea for everyone to get all their medications from the same pharmacy that way they have a record of everything you are taking.
there is supposed to be a nationwide system introduced this year where all the computer systems are linked so each Dr can see (if they make the effort) what ever other things are wrong with you and what treatment you are recieving. Everyone should always give their Dr a current list of all medications which was why I told you to take all your meds to the new Dr. If you get something new you
can always look it up and see if it interacts with anything you are already taking plus possible side effects. i keep a list of medications in my purse which makes it much easier for the nurses. Many time the assistants in the dr's offices these days are LPNs or medical assistants and they don't know their drugs so I also add the reason I am taking it. Look forward to hearing what happens to eldest sis.
So, this morning, they went to 'check him' out. See if this medicine man is the real deal or a fake. They got educated from him. Our people's medicine healers are dying off. But the newcomers from other islands - they're 'healers' are more like cursers. They 'heal' you but not enough to make you stop coming to them. They're 'healing' is not a true healing. He said that he's met several different healers from the different islands. He said that some of them are much stronger than him. He avoids any negative 'healing' (or also known as curse.) He has even said that some of these 'healers' practices are closer to 'voodoo' than healer.
When these 'healers' curse people, the victims come to him to be cured. The 'healers' don't like this. They've tried attacking him by curses. That didn't work. So, now they're attacking his family. Before these attacks, he would heal people at all hours. Now, he has cut back - because now his family is in danger. He no longer leaves his home/land at nights from 6pm-6am. That's when the spirits are very strong. And because these 'healers' are from less civilized influences of the 'white man', they're powers are much more stronger than our people's spirits. So, although my family each have our 'spirit', it's not strong enough against these newcomer's spirits. Our local medicine man's Majority of clients are from these other islands. Their own people curse each other a lot. Then they come to him to undo it. Our local healer said that these newcomers are now cursing our local authorities and people in high positions.
I know from when I was in my 20's, I was told by people who were missionaries of these islands - that when we meet these people at their homes, Do Not Drink or Eat anything they offer you. Because they can curse you from that. According to our local healer, he advised my oldest bro to Do Not Shake Hands with them. That is one of their most common forms of transforming the curse to you. He said that the curse can also be in the form of you now suddenly liking that person. And would do anything for him. Wow....
I have noticed in my posts here that I tend to be so ... modernized. Then my culture/beliefs comes along and I'm back to thinking like my ancestors - spirits, voodoo, curses, etc.... I also know what the Bible says about this. So, now I'm so torn on what to believe - and so I see-saw.
The reason why I'm bringing this all up is this. Once my brother had determined that this man is a real healer, he told him about oldest sis. The local healer told bro to bring sis tomorrow morning at 9am. Now, my brother wants me to figure out on how to get sis to go. I told bro straight out that I'm a terrible liar. Plus sis will get mad at me for Tricking her. The local healer warned bro that we must Not tell sis where she's going tomorrow. Because if we do tell her, the spirit will fight it. And sis will not go. Bro decided to invite oldest sis out for breakfast tomorrow morning.
Later, I was talking to sis. Since she saw me with them, she will know that I knew about this - tomorrow. So, to delay suspicions (note Delay not relay. Sis is very smart, astute), I told her what we talked about (except her and healer). I hope it all comes out fine. I'll update you all tomorrow. After it happens.
FYI, SIL doesn't think she's cursed. She thinks sis has some kind of psychological problem. You see, her brother also has mental problems. My new doctor told me that I really need to get help for sis. We're just covering all our bases. First the local healer. Then the white man's way - as in the clinic.and therapy.
When Member HH (head of household) goes to Pharmacy Coconut for his high blood pressure pill, the integrated pharmaceutical system will log this down. Let's say Member HH is on the way home and decided he might as well fill up that new RX for his headache. Pharmacy Hibiscus is on his route to home. Pharmacy Hibiscus pulls up his name, logs in the headache meds but notices that the RX has a major reaction to his high blood pressure pill. Pharmacy Hibiscus informs him of this. Integrated Pharmaceutical System. FYI, I made that up - IPS.
But, there are a lot of very very intelligent people out there. I'm sure someone can come up with this kind of a system.
A couple of years ago, the doc had called in a refill for Mom's seroquel. When I picked it up the staff told me the script was more than 1K. I thought something was wrong, but was assured that everything was correct. And it was very hard to tell anything since ts2 had just started monthly billing on mom's meds. Home I go. When filling up the pill minder the new pills looked different than before, so compared the labels. The pharmacy had dispensed nearly three times Mom's current dosage! And had I just given it to her without checking the result could have been tragic. After checking further, the doc actually called in the incorrect dosage since I had requested 50 mg instead of 25mg pills be called in because of having to give Mom three of the 25mg tablets. The actual dosage did not change, the 50mg woukd be cut in half. So, somebody was not paying attention, and the pharmacy ended up disposing of over 1K worth of medication.
The docs office messed up by not changing the quantity to be dispensed. And you would think that the pharmacy would question the drastic increase in dosage. Neither occurred. We have become ao reliant on our computer systems, people just assume that computers cannot make mistakes. What we all tend to forget is that the information does not get in tge systems by itself, that people have to enter it, and we do make mistakes. Garbage in, garbage out.
KMD, I was thinking the same thing as Babalou. Was your mom medically diagnosed as age related decline? It makes a difference how to treat that vs. dementia vs. psychological imbalance of the brain. With the bathroom issue, I think it's because of lack of privacy. Hence Veronica's advise that you talk to your mom while she's in the bathroom doing private stuff. Your talking will kind of distract her from what you're doing. Hopefully. I know that it sure helps when I have the TV on when changing dad's pamper!
Which one is it and how big is the dose?
One possible side effect that you don't want with a anti-depressant is for it to kick you up to high.
Take care.
You know, there's a book you might enjoy. It's called August. I believe it's by Judith Rossner. I think you'd like it.
Solution? Think of the person with D's background. Before she had dementia, what was her habit of choosing clothes? If she used to choose her clothes the night before, then we will continue this. First of all, get rid of as much distraction or unnecessary items in the closet. Keep it simple - like only for clothes - more simple, like only summer clothes. Put away the winter clothes. Next, have her choose the clothes she will wear tomorrow, and Hang it behind the door. If the door is white, and her clothes have color, she will easily see her red dress hanging against the white door. No confusion, no distraction. Red dress against white door. This will continue to give her independence to choose her own clothes. That was the first scenario.
CBT does tend to be difficult because of its focus on dealing with the present by living in the now.
A CBT therapist tends to want to know more how can we put the fire out today than who started the fire yesterday and how did they start it which tends to be more short term. Who started the fire yesterday and how did they start it is what psychoanalytic therapy does which takes much longer.I'm over simplifying, but you get the basic idea. Some therapists, like mine, tend to be a bit eclectic in selecting parts from each school of therapy to use with their clients, but the ultimate goal of a CBT is helping you deal with and live in the present.
Since you already have so much self-awareness, it will be helpful to communicate this to the therapist that you select so that they will know where you are and can make whatever adjustments they need to make in their approach as a therapist in meeting you where you are and then guiding you in taking small steps in a new direction at the pace you are open to moving at.
You are making progress. Google on, think it all over and when you are ready, I'm sure you will make some good choices.
2 of the male listed specializes with childhood and teens. 1 female - I know her and she's related to my boss' wife! So she's out. Thanks for the tip about CBT. Ahem.. that was what my last therapist was working on. More like for me to confront people when I'm not happy instead of holding it in. All she had to do was mention role-playing, and I panicked. She saw it, too, on my face. She was amazed that only just her mentioning it - made me panic. I think CBT will be very difficult for me - like dragging the horse to the drinking trough but not being able to force it to drink the water. Have to go now.