This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Good luck with your car, Bookluvr. You tried to do all the right things. Glad you found a new car repair place.
The only reason I did it was because I KNOW that there's something wrong with the front of my car. I can FEEL it but I don't know the problem. That is only ONE of the front end problem of my car. I Know that there is more. I have gone several times to my new car's dealership for these repeated "ghost" problems that their mechanics INSISTED there's nothing wrong...as long as my car was under the warranty. Example, I kept smelling this chemical smell coming from the air con vent. I took my car in several times. They told me condescendingly that the car does not have freeon. (I said that maybe the freeon is leaking out from the air con and coming in the vent.) I told them that when it gets fogged inside, it's Green fog not white. Green??? (Made me feel like a hypochondriac with my own car!) For years, while under warranty, they kept saying that there's nothing leaking. There's no freeon. Nothing that is green should be coming inside the car, etc.... Then, one day, my air con was dead. Completely. I took it in. My car was 5 years old when the air con died. There was a leak in the air con. It's a $1300.00 repair job. Fortunately for me, when I got the car, I took the extended warranty. And I took my car in faithfully for maintenance - which I paid out of my own pocket. So, they repaired it without any cost to me - under warranty. I bet they were hoping it would conk out after the warranty. The warranty ended this past February.
I have taken my car in Several Times about the car almost dying out when driving slow, or wobbling when going uphill, or how the engine screeches so loud when I turn it on in the morning... and nothing. These past 6 years, they kept shrugging it off, saying that there's nothing wrong. The most recent was 2 months ago.
So, I took my car Outside the dealership, to another automotive repair shop. They were very nice. The job work I chose was to be $875.00. But, they just charged me $600.00 for the front struts job ($875), an oil change($45) And a front alignment ($75)! I guess they must have cut back on all the 'unnecessary' repair jobs. Except..... now my car is obviously now shaking while idling and going up the hill. Ugh! That is Also one of the problems I brought up- several times - with the dealership while my car was still under warranty. sigh..... I'm venting because money is tight. My car is 6 years old, in this salty environment, all parts will start breaking and be needing replacements. And I don't have the money for these repairs.
Also finished up most of my holiday shopping today, and waiting now for items I had ordered on-line as I dislike mall shopping. I just hope I will be able to wrap gifts next week. Sig other said to mail them unwrapped, and if the gifts are late getting there, so be it. Now if only I could turn off my ODC to do that :P
But today she was happy and grateful and the sarcastic, hurtful person from Wed is someone different today.
Healthwise it turns out she doesn't have a prolapsed uterus but a dropped bladder.
Also all her tests on all kinds of things came out fine. No UTI.
I see that I need to be as flexible as she is variable for my own mental health.
Keep trying to find the good. Keep trying to be tolerant, detached, give a hug when it's a good thing to do, don't hold the grudges, don't try to correct her or inform her about myself. Let go as much as possible of the old junk. It's good for me to do so.
I deal with that on a regular basis with my own parents. Like tonight on the phone, my Dad once again asked for me to schedule them to see the eye doctor for new lenses... and once again I had to tell Dad that I am very busy getting ready for surgery next week, there's a lot of prep work I need to do. And after surgery I won't be able to be their tour guide for the rest of the month. But Mom is having trouble seeing... yes, Dad, she has macular degeneration and has had that for several years now, her eyes have not change from 6 months ago when we last saw the eye doctor....
oh where is my helmet, I have a wall to bang my head on :P
I have a terrible cold, sleep 15 hours a day and at the point of running away. The hospital was wonderful - the rooms very nice - I thought about collapsing so someone could bring me food and tuck me in and let me sleep for about 2 weeks. My dad has decided that they should move back in with me since they were doing better than at assisted living. They can move back in with full time nurses and I will go to assisted living. God knows, I need some assistance. My mom keeps saying she will never walk again and that she doesn't understand why I put her in this place. She now thinks that she lives in Kentucky - we live in Florida and that she has hiding places that she goes to so no one will find her.
If I could only find that place. After five years of this, I have bottomed out. I have given up all hope that things will get better. I get by one day at a time - and even one day is too much. Sorry for the rant. Instead of burnedout13, I am burnedout-one million.
Don't these authors have IMAGINATION!! Why, oh WHY, must the main character be accused of murder and have to prove their innocence? {{gritting teeth}} In frustration, I grabbed a sci-fi book, chapter opens up with a kick-a** hot female, going into a bar, and arrests the ugly monster bloater. Monster keeps bloating and bloating until he blows itself into smithereen. Yucky goo all over her. And she's pissed off at her 'intel' and the bar owner is 'hot' himself...typical bad guy, etc.. Now THIS is a book. Thank you! Finally, with book number 5.
Dad did not take that same antibiotic he refused lastnight. I came home after work today, and it's still there on his bed. Frustrating....
I need to finish the nasal spray. If my headache continues, the doctor said that I can then make an appointment with the neurologist. After we got all our bases covered, then she will get me a referral for the ENT. I wish we could just bypass the neuro and go to the ENT. These headaches are awful. My whole right side of my head/face (cheeks) are throbbing in pain. Can't take asprin for the pain. Ty
There has been a successful cancer battle and a lost battle in my family. I have learned each person is different in their fight. I know you have your boxing gloves on. Start knocking out those bad cancer cells. Sending you a Very Berry Shake!
My grand daughter will help me a lot and I can play with the baby and Lilly, great grand daughter. That will lighten my heart. Sending love to you all! I am so happy she stopped yelling. I shake when she does that. It is nerve racking because I can't figure out how to help her when she doesn't listen to me at those times. Next time I should take her to the hospital to get a shot or a pill. I will call the doctor for sure before I take her.
The doctor made me smile, here she is a successful Cardiologist, and she, too, has elder issues. She said another doctor in the practice is dealing with the same issues with his parents.
Sometimes, I wish that oldest sis can just help out a bit. I don't get as frustrated as before. Now that I was made aware of here that she's being passive-aggressive with me. It's her way of getting back at me - for being able to leave the house and not caregive dad for hours from Mon-Friday. I looked at myself in the mirror at nights in the bathroom. My face has aged a lot since dad had his stroke. I think helping him caregive mom since I was age 23 or 24 has taken it's toll on me especially when he had the stroke. We shared the work. With sis and I as tag teams. I feel as if I'm doing the bulk of the work. Where I'm sure that She thinks she's bearing the bulk of caring for dad. Nurse-to-be niece says that the house smells like cigarettes. Oldest sis is now going outside to smoke like 2 or 3am. She never did this before. According to you all, a smoker usually sleeps and has no urge to smoke until she wakes up. Well, lately, she's been smoking at 2-3am every early morning. So, I guess sis is really stressing out, too, from dad's mouth.
Last night, she kept laughing so joyfully, carefree in her bedroom. I was walking behind her when she entered her bedroom, while I was going to the bathroom. The minute she walked in the bedroom and closing the door, she was getting mad at 'someone' in the bedroom. My eyes widened. I tried to listen in. She was getting mad for a while. When i came out of the bathroom, she was laughing, talking. Sigh.... I'm so torn.... Mental problem? Or Boogaloos (spirits)? But you know what
Dad is on antibiotics for his returning UTI. Tonight, he has absolutely refuse to take it. I knew this would happen sooner or later. Before his stroke, he would never ever take any white man's medicine. I was surprised that since his stroke of 2 years ago, he took it. Tonight, he won't take it. I've tried reasoning, warning him of the consequences of not taking it, etc... He won't take it. I will need to remember to leave a note for the home nurse when he/she visits while I'm at work.
I guess I'm stressing and not realizing it? I've been waking up lately so exhausted. It feels as if I haven't slept in a long time. That kind of exhaustion. Weak, foggy brain, very very sleepy and can't think (due to the sinus headaches since yesterday.) I must be stressing big time and don't even know it.
At least I was able to post one comment today. Oh, this makes it 2 comments. Night all.