This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I was in the livingroom when niece came in. She went out. I then went to the kitchen to help out. Niece came in the kitchen. Walked out. I went back into the livingroom. Niece came back in via the livingroom entrance. Then went right back out. I then went back into the kitchen. Niece came back in via the kitchen entrance door. Then went out. I then went back in the livingroom, typing in the laptop. She opens the livingroom door, pauses and stares at me. I looked at her.
She said, "Gees, Aunty, every time I enter, you're in the room. Kitchen, livingroom, kitchen..."
I was originally from upstate New York where one learned to drive in blizzards. But since I have been living here in the DC metro area for decades now, I have learned to panic along with everyone else :P
Right now we are having our first snow of the season.... it's coming down in quarter size clumps of snow. This is real early for us as we usually don't even have snow until after Christmas.
My heart dropped at the word cancer. I know of only one person who did the natural route when he got diagnosed with cancer. Husband and wife researched and they completely changed their lifestyle and eating habits. They went into herbals and avoided food that fed the cancer. He is still here today.
My ten year old niece and others have gone through the radiation route. Weakened her, lost weight, couldn't keep anything in, and her body just gave up. Her last thoughts in the end was misery.. She could not stop throwing up even when there was nothing to throw up. Her body just couldn't take it. They found the cancer too late. Hospice care would have been preferable, in hindsight.
Omg!! I better get up. Dad is grunting. And now I smell poop wafting in the air. I looked at him. His hand is inside his pants. Darn it!!! It's going to be a mess. 7am. Later...
After 4 years of being on the anti-hormonal meds, I gave up on them... the side effects had done too much damage.... I rather live a more quality life than a lousy longer life.
A former co-worker of mine [I had since left the company] refused any western meds, too... she did the macrobiotic diet and for her her stage 4 cancer disappeared for the past 20+ years... she also had her hubby on the same diet as he also had cancer and he was doing great until he got off the diet and his cancer came back. Makes you wonder what in the world are we eating that is killing us.
I'll be eligible for SSI in June ... maybe I'll be able to save $$ for a car. Yay.
Meanwhile, my dad's wife of 25+ years suddenly died a few weeks ago, so I've been spending my days off with him to help him transition a little. He's doing ok at 86, but is so prideful that he's refusing some common sense assistance. *sighs* He's grieving his loss, of course, and I have to rein in my enthusiasm that she passed before he did. She was a narcissist of the highest order and I couldn't stand her.
And I'm fighting breast cancer. Ugh. I'm going the natural route. All my research indicates that it's my greatest chance. I have a 'long haul' ahead. And I've never looked forward to my future more. Go figure.
Veronica, the sad thing about this? My niece said that in all honesty, she is better at nursing than her classmates. They make so many mistakes compared to her. When the instructor tries to show her as lacking in knowledge, niece is able to answer back correctly. When she finally gets it wrong, the instructor jumps at it to put her down. What's worse, the woman is a local. But she has this major chip on her shoulder against single mothers being a nurse.
Thanks for the tip. I will tell her. I once - while online - found a blog from a nurse. I texted niece the website. That's the site where I found out what the home nurse never told me about dad's catheter. The bag not on the floor, swabbing the tip, etc... That same site also had how to change the hospital bedsheet, etc.. I thought niece might be interested in it.
As you well know taking care of an elder requires many special skills and even after all these years you are still learning of new ways to handle things.
Encourage her to continue to her BSN if affordable because it is required more and more and better paid than a RN with an associates degree. After that if she can become a geriatric NP she can really make a difference. So many nurses settle into caring for old people. quickly burn out and become the "don't care get through the shift" people so frequently encountered.
Time in the military would be a good way to go for a few years because she would be able to get all the training she needs to achieve her goals probably at no cost.
Hmmm... the lack of smelling things is a Plus when changing his pampers. I can tell his pamper is really really bad - even if I cannot smell it. Because I would keep sneezing the minute I open up his pamper. When done, my face is all clogged up and I have to blow my nose. I told dad that I'm allergic to changing pampers.
I was hoping that I would be off on Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. Unfortunately both bosses are going off-island. So, I work. I guess that means I work also on Saturday. All well.... I've been taking off early since it's slow at work. So, my paycheck is going to be less than usual. I'm able to pay off 2 credit cards. I'm down to one left. I got it down from $1500 to $800.00. Plus my $7000.00 loan.
Has anyone ordered any of Dave Ramsey's money managing books? I love to listen to his radio show - when I shower. I'm thinking of ordering one of his CD's on how to straighten my spending habits. If I get a CD version, then I can play it in the car when I'm driving to/from work. But I don't want to order the wrong CD money tip. I'm really trying to cut back on my shopaholic tendency. Very hard. Had some backsliding. But.. I'm doing good on the spending. I need to check my cash flow. To see if I have extra for tomorrow's splurge at Tony Roma's.