This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
As far as the Dr is concerned, haven't you had a hysterectomy? do you still have a cervix?Pap mear is no good without one. Don't worry about a male PCG doing a GYN exam they do them all the time. Most of us prefer a female but it really does not matter. The caucasian Dr is the kind I was recomending so why not make an appointment with her anyway so at least you have one set up. You can always cancel it if you are really comfortable with the one you have booked with.
Never accept the kind of treatment you recieved the other day. Your disabilities are real and you feel pain. Just because they go away when you see the Dr does not mean you don't have it whatever the cause.You are paying him so make sure he earns the money. Even with good insurance that has to be paid for. you would not tip a waitress that threw the food in your face so don't accept p[oor service from a Dr either He may be right that holding your hands above the keyboard is more stressful. you were probably taught to type on a typewriter where the keys are very seperate and it's more difficult to glide your hands over the keyboard hence you were taught to hoverover them and that made your typing faster. I am not a touch typist but I personally, who was never taugh,t rest the balls of my hands below the keyboard and glide on them.
I saw an interesting article the other day about using a stand up desk. it was basically a regular desk with a mini desk on top that just held the computer and monitor. you could try it with a coffee table on top of a desk or table and stand up to type with the momitor at eye level. It is suposed to be less stressful because you move your body more rather than remaining in the same sitting position. you get more exercise too and less indigestion because you are not slumped over all day.
As far as the teeth grinding is concerned there are devices you can wear over your teeth at night that can prevent this damage to your teeth.
On top of all this you really do need some medication to ease your level of stress or you WILL not might have a stroke before you are 50 and who is going to change your Pamper? Many hugs Book. You are #1 so take care of yourself. Your abuser has plenty of others to look after him. they choose not to.
you may not like the idea of taking drugs produced by big pharma but we no longer live the simple life where a little herbal tea was enough to calm the troubled mind and hard physical work ensured a good nights sleep and there was no instant communication to make us worry where the next terror attack or disease was comming from.
Did you know that the importation of tea into England led to the industrial revolution. Was that good or bad? Do you want to go back to weaving your own cloth and washing by hand (No disposable pampers either) tea had to be made with boiling water and that killed the water borne diseases that had killed so many infants and children. Thus more family members survived and there was a greater demand for manufactured goods so the need was met with mechanization and more workers to work the the new machines. off topic again but it is very important for everyone to understand the good and bad of modern medicine and not dismiss everything as being driven by the almighty doller which of course is the bad side of life if you are not a 1%er and I would place a bet that there are non on this forum.
I think my neck pain is stress, pinched nerves, and arthritis. or may osteoporosis. Because my shoulder bones ache, my shoulder and elbow joints pop when I move it. I had tentatively asked my current doctor if I might have arthritis. He shot it down. Just as on my last visit, I mentioned my neck pain with the vein hurting - and he said that because I'm on the computer all day at work, and I don't rest my hands on the surface but above the keyboards, I'm putting stress on my shoulders/neck. Which sounds quite logical. Now, the problem is - I learned in high school that we're not suppose to type with our hands touching the surface. I'm now trying to type with my hands resting on a surface, and I find myself automatically correcting it by raising it off the table. And yes, I can now feel the strain on my shoulder/neck area.
Anyway, I kind of panicked when the nurse started setting up the stuff for a pap smear. I only see this doctor for my general medical needs. I refuse to have him do a pap smear on me. Only a male gynecologist is allowed to do that. (I figured they see so many private areas all day, all week, one after another, that seeing mine is 'just another ..ah..." You know what I mean.)
Anyway, I've had the neck pain since Tuesday. My appointment was Thursday. All those times, I had headaches, neckaches, and can't turn my head too much. While waiting for the doctor, my throbbing neck vein started scaling down in the pain. (I've been known to have a rapid heart beat when they take my vitals. I tell the nurse that I get scared when I go see the doctor.) By the time I saw the doctor, I couldn't feel the pain anymore!
I told the doctor about my headaches, neck pain and how these past few days I couldn't turn my head. I then said, "I was so scared of seeing you, I can now turn my head! Look!" I then turned my head fully right. He burst into laughter. Again, he said it's my typing on the computer without resting my hands on the surface. Yep, I keep now trying to rest my hands and I automatically pick it up off the table. I will have to relearn typing.
My appointment with the new doctor is Nov 12. I cannot take off from work. So, we have to do it when I have the Wednesday afternoon I'm off and she has available slots. Sounds like not much patients because she has a lot of openings. It was see either her or an intern doctor who only works Mon-Fridays until 5pm. Well, I will give her a try. If I don't feel comfortable with her, I can go to the internist - who is located on the annex building. Who happens to be my dad's doctor - who is avoiding my dad's phone calls. My dad is still on that stage of calling people and harassing them. Until someone deems him as incompetent, I will not stop him from making phone calls. He is still competent legally, this is his house, and that is his phone. He can call anyone he wants to. =)
Don't you hate a nagging support group? We wouldn't be friends if we didn't push you toward looking more closely at what is going on. Sudden onset severe headaches aren't something to ignore.
Give it to the Dr when he or she comes in and don't leave without some investigations ordered. Stress may cause headaches but it does not cause viens in your neck to hurt. Is your insurance from a mainland company? They usually have a nurse help line and often a case manager. I am concerned about you Book
so make sure you tell the Dr everything. Hugs
Your father and his overt way of threatening you of elder abuse... Don't know who has it worse - you or me. Maybe they're both worse - equally. I had this week off. Unfortunately, fave niece was home most of the time I was at her mom's place. I didn't really have the 'me' time I wanted. I ended up being the good guest who made conversations with the host. So, today, Friday, I'm tired. I wanted to be rested before work next week. All well.... I did enjoy our conversations.. but I also wanted my isolation.
I have posted before that my dad always tells me that he is going to report me for Elder Abuse since he isn't happy about assisted living etc. He constantly cuts out newspaper articles about people going to jail for stealing and wants me to read them. Personally, I think a stay in jail might be an upgrade for me. I would get more time to read. Not trying to make light of this situation but the person who gives the most care, gets the most grief. Its one of the laws of nature.
I had flashbacks of my childhood. I don't think I can last long caring for him as he becomes more and more violent. When he grabbed my hand and I looked into his eyes. He KNEW he was hurting me and didn't care. I was ... terrified. When he finally let me go, I couldn't help myself. I kept telling him over and over that he hurt me, I couldn't believe he hurt me over that comment and that I cannot help him for the rest of the night. I grabbed his blanket and threw it over his legs. I told him that I refuse to go and fix his pillows for him (it would bring me close within his reach and he might hurt me). I left the room and left him all alone for 2hours. He's covered, the doors are locked, he has 4 cups filled with water. I don't need to be in the same room with him. I stayed in my room to calm down.
It's true. When you have an abused childhood, it definitely is best not to caregive if your parent is becoming violent. When he grabbed my hand and started hurting me, I automatically reverted to childhood. I had the full terror and panic. Just recanting this event is bringing tears in my eyes. I always swore to myself that when I became an adult, I would never allow myself to be helpless and just take the physical abuse that I had to do as a child. After every time my physically hurts me, I always remember that promise and I find myself getting so bitter. And he's just starting in his road to senility. I'm so ashamed of what dad did, that I didn't tell any of my siblings. I know to you all - it's just a hand. But... my dad used to punch me in the head/face. I know that this - just the hand - is going to escalate.
Veronica, Glad - I think I was holding everything in. As I was typing this post, my headache started easing off. I guess I needed to let it out what happened. It's 1030pm. I'm going to shower and sleep early tonight. My headache may have eased off but my neck vein is still hurting - can't turn my head fully. Pain radiates from the top of my neck and then goes right down to my back.
FYI, Veronica, on my last visit, the nurse asked me what I'm in for. She types it in the computer. She left. The doctor walks in. Before, he would ask me what I'm there for. This last visit, he greeted me, sat down and started reading the computer. He did NOT ask me anything about the increase volume of sound inside my head, etc... he read the computer notes and said he's going to prescribe Motrin for it. ??? Tomorrow - if it's the same thing - nurse takes note, he comes in and reads the computer notes and does NOT ask for clarification or more detail, then it's time to change doctor and clinic. It would make it obvious to me that they have a new policy to fit in as many patients as they can. The nurse gets the details and the doctor just comes in,reads it and prescribe meds. We will see when I go in tomorrow. And I used to complain when the doctor refused to look at me as I tell him about my reason for the visit!!! At least we talked. Night all!
More worrying is the headaches so be sure and tell the Dr the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. In the meantime would it help if you wore dark glasses when using any electonic devices and make the print as large as possible.
I told cousin that if dad reports me and I get arrested, then I'm packing my bags and leaving. Oldest bro would most likely move in. Cousin displayed a face of dislike when I said that. He told me that I need to try to stay in the house as long as I can. We will see. I have my limit. Being arrested is that limit. Not that I would be arrested. I have proof of dad's bank account showing increase since he was bedridden. He has no bedsores. He's gained weight. shaved, hair cut, clean beddings daily, etc... No neglect, etc...
I'm just so tired lately. Headaches again. Hurts to read here. And hurts to read from the kindle. I can still read from paperback book. But the kindle and the computer's background light just hurts my eyes. Even dimming the kindle hurts my eyes because now it's so faded, my eyes are straining. I need to remember to tell my doctor tomorrow that my darn neck artery/vein has been hurting these past few days. I hope he's not going to tell me take the prescribed motrin. It worked yesterday. It did not work today. Neck vein kept throbbing in rhythm with my pulse. Later.....
He loses most of the bills and double pays others. If I try to take responsibility for the bills, he gets very agitated and says he can handle his own finances. I am tired tonight and really frustrated. So looking forward to tomorrow - another day dealing with craziness.
I have been known to have a sense of humour failure when people say it to me, though, I must admit. Glad you've had such a successful weekend, good to hear.
My mother and I had a fun day food shopping and visiting a thrift store. Now that I don't have to see her every day and she has plenty of chances to socialize, I feel my love coming back and my anger that disturbed my inner peace is now a comedy. Progress!!
Researching switching Medicare supplemental plans for dad as I am really paying a lot monthly for benefits he isn't using.
Have some recommendations from relatives and friends on what I should switch him too. Dad does have 6 month doc visit Monday so may pick her brain too.
Yes, give me the back roads, I find the slow 25 mph, lot of Stop signs, routes are the easiest for me. And lots of snow a good distraction, maybe because everyone is going 10 mph :)
My parents got their flu shot today, and the doctor that my Mom likes and had seen in the past reminds me of Hugh Grant [I wouldn't mind getting sick].
Since this doctor office is under the same group as my parents current doctor, all the paperwork is already networked into the computer. All I need to do is tell the new doctor's office my parents want to come to this practice, set up an appointment for a check-up, and they can get the ball rolling.
What a relief... whew.... as my parents go to the doctor on a regular routine basis every 3-4 months just mini-check ups because of their age [mid 90's] and how I hate that drive on the 6 lane highway... yikes.... there were times I could barely get my parents to their appointment and then dreaded how was I going to get them back home I was in such a panic.
Freqflyer, I also hope that your dad decides to choose the doctor closer to home. Hopefully your mom is subtly aiming him to choose closer to home.
Big problem now is that my parents primary doctor is now too far away for me to drive. I suggested they use one of the doctors at the urgent care facility that is 2 miles from their house, and easy drive for me... the doctor there takes regular patients, not just emergencies.
Dad was hesitant because of all the paper work with the current doctor. Told him current doctor and possible new doctor are under the same umbrella thus everything is on their network computer. Mom liked the idea, there is one doctor there she liked.... whew. Keeping my fingers crossed this works out. I hope the doctor is taking new regular patients. I will find out tomorrow when I take my parents over there for their flu shots :)