This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I was watching the TV special of Toy Story Terror ..something. It's a kids show for the Halloween theme - scary. {{chuckling}} Just as I scream aloud with the original Scooby Doo cartoons, I was screaming in this show. I really cannot watch any kind of 'scary' shows - whether cartoon, animated, etc... Well, at least it got my heart beating fast (without even having to exert myself physically.)
Austin, don't you hate it when someone is hired because they know someone and not because they know what their doing?
She screamed & threw a punch, he evaded, while calling her name. It was the male main character. After her pounding heart calmed down, she said that she was surprised that no one came running. (They live in a small village community.)
The man replied, "I'm not. You don't scream very loud. It comes out as a little squeak Eee, eee." he mimicked in a strained whisper.
Her face went hot. "I don't believe you." I'd been screaming. Loudly.... Hadn't I?
Solemnly, he replied, "It's true. I can help you work on that." {{{he he, I and the female main character must have naughty thoughts!}}}
The female thought of some of the ways how, and her face went from hot to burning.
He must have realized how suggestive he sounded because he quickly added, "I give self defense seminars every few months. It might be good for you & your sister to attend one. You already have a good right hook. We just need to work on the vocals."
...
I couldn't help it and laughed. So far, this book has been making me laugh. Unfortunately it has toooo many characters (the whole village community) and who owns which shop and who has powers and who don't, and what kind of powers (healers, etc...) I'm having to write down notes on all the characters. This is one time that I wished the book was in the kindle. I can use the orange highlights for names, blue highlights for businesses, and yellow for short notes. All well... time to sleep.
College - great that your mom is finally accepting the Depends. Very important to make sure that she cleans herself well down there. Otherwise, she might get rashes and then start digging into it to scratch herself (and then spread the 'dirt' all over the place.) FYI, from experience, they will never believe that they are spreading poop. It's DIRT. They are Not children who touches their poop. So, it's dirt.
Hazy, I think I may be slightly allergic to it. Every time I use it on my cheeks, my eyes feel like it's stinging. Thanks for giving me the heads up.
Glad, I don't think there's any normalcy. Just when you think he likes this, the next you thing you know - he doesn't. Lastnight, my dad kept asking me almost every 5 minutes if it's morning yet. Morning as in 6am. Then when midnight hit, he said he has 6 more hours to go. Then 1:00am, he said it's now 5 more. He got bored waiting for the hours to go by until 6am, so he started talking loud and singing off-keyed (he used to sing so well). We both had a difficult time waking up this morning.
My days of doing my own yard work is long gone. It stopped when I became my parents set of *wheels* to drive them. My yard time became highway time :(
Ho,ho Book were those Chinese eggs?
Sis is now beginning to share her food that she buys. If any of you remember, one of my complaints was that I buy the food and she eats it - without offering me some of my food that she cooked. She still does that. The other day, I walked into the kitchen, she was cooking dinner - her dinner. I was too embarrassed to ask if she was making enough for me. After she was done eating, I checked if she cooked enough to include a meal for me. Nope.
The other day, I decided to make some hard boiled eggs. I can make soft boil. I rarely do hard boils. So, I googled to see how long to boil it. Waited until it was boiling, turned it off, and went back to the livingroom. Yep, I forgot to empty the water and put new water in it. Eggs came out funny smelling. Tasted awful, too. All well....
Oh my gosh, I remember growing up back in the '50's and '60's I was told you need a separate purse to match your shoes... thus if you have a dozen shoes each a different color you would need a purse for each. I never had the patience to put everything from one purse into another one on a daily basis :P
Rfox, maybe you can do what I do. Share some stuff that you liked on this site. I share with my sister some of the funny things that people share from like the thread...What is the funniest thing your parent said. (Something like that..I'm using the kindle and trying to get the title from memory.)
I've also been telling my sister and niece some of the situations here and how bad that dad might become (like accusing me and might call the cops on me.) Or how he might forget he cannot walk and will try.
Maybe you can share with your partner a bit of this and that. Not too much, as if you're trying to cram it into his face. Hopefully these little tidbits will get him curious. It would be best that you make it a point to sign out of here. Just in case he gets curious, he can sign up on his own name and not use yours. If posters here see your name having 2 different personalities, they will think you're a troll, a fake.
Using the kindle is too slow.it took me 30minutes to type this. I have more to say but it's time to get up, get dad up and change his pampers and breakfast, etc... I'm late as it is. I hope you both find some down time together from caregiving.
LadeeM, I sure miss going to flea markets and yard sales. By the time I leave the house at 825am, the flea market sellers are closing up. I always envy fave sis when she shows me her great deals. One of these days, we can go together and hit all the flea markets on a Saturday morning and then yard sales on Sunday morning..or vice versa.