This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Have you tried some cortizone ointment on your legs to clear up the rash. Do you use a new disposeable razor each time you shave your legs. that way it is really sharp and less likely to damage the skin. Don't know anything about tea tree oil but a good shaving cream may help.
Spending habits. I suck at it. My true weakness is not books. It's purses. {{sheepishly}} I spent about $97 last week on 3 purses on sale at Macys. I do regret one of the purse but ... it was buy 1 and get 1 for $9.99. How can I turn that down?! I spent 1 hour trying to walk away - and then I went right back to it. That is $97.00 that I cannot afford. So, this pay check, I promised myself to buy only with the $50.00 cash I budgeted into my paycheck. No more charging credit cards @ Macys. I will need to go back to Mailing My payments to Macy. I went in last week to pay it in person, and got drawn in to the sale.
On another note. Has anyone used Tea Tree Oil Soap on themselves? My upper arms and my lower legs have these tiny rashes. My aunty's face has a lot of 'rashes' or 'bumps' on her face. I'm beginning to see that on my face now. When I shave my legs, those tiny rashes becomes super red and painful. I've stopped shaving - and can no longer wear shorts or capri pants to work or anywhere in public. I read that Tea tree oil is very good for skin problems. I ordered 3 soaps online but it's a mixture of Tea tree oil, olive oil, lavender oil. The soap has no suds at all. I tried it the first time last night. When I got out of the shower, my legs were stinging. I've only had that stinging sensation when I shave. I don't think my legs rashes like that soap. I will be showering soon and will try the soap again. Let's see if my legs still sting afterwards. I just wondered if anyone had a success story using Tree Tea oil soap.
Sigh...part of her job is to pretend to be a tooth fairy. So, she goes to the little girl's bedroom, bends over, and the little girl (eagerly awaiting for the tooth fairy and pretending to sleep) suddenly sits up - and they bumped head. Poor tooth fairy so stars and pain and then black. She gains consciousness, a bit dazed with severe pain, and hears this little voice asking worriedly if she killed the tooth fairy. And her mother trying to reassure daughter that she did not - but the mom's voice doesn't convey that conviction. .... I just kept laughing. It's been so very long since I've found a humorous book. I'm going to re-arrange my budget so that I can buy book 3 and 4 as ebooks since I'm not willing to wait for 6 weeks for a real paperback book is delivered by online order.
I tried to think of a way in which to convince your mom to keep her Depends on. I can't. She might be like my mom. Mom hated her pamper. The minute we took it off,she started peeing and pooing! Even towards the end, when she was bedridden, and no response to stimuli,etc... When changing her dry pamper, she would start peeing/pooing! I always figured since years ago, that she must hate to feel the wetness and the poop smashing into her body. I mean, I would feel that way too.
Also don't use all your money for all the household expenses. Yes your money should go to your share of the bills, food, etc.. But don't make it 100% all your money for the cost. I hope you're still putting money into an emergency fund. This is very important. Because if for some reason your mom decides to kick you out because you're not listening to her, you will have that money to cushion your fall. We don't know if she will do this or not. But just have an emergency fund. I have my emergency fund. I don't even tell fave sis because then she will keep borrowing from me. That's My Secret emergency money. Sis has access to my other bank account. That only has $2,000.00 in it. Because you have children, save, save, save. My secret savings account requires that I deposit $50/month. I Chose this option. That's how I'm able to save money - due to the obligation to put money in it.
Hazy, we can give you support, and hope, at least that you are doing a great job. And you wanting to read up on Alz is a great idea..... keeping in mind that no two people are exactly alike, tho many similarities...also sounds like she is very anxious.... and the music in her head is not helping... maybe a trip to the Dr for a starting point for you..... to get a general idea of her health issues also.... one of the irritating things about this disease, not all meds work like they are supposed to, sometimes they only work for a short while, so the more information you have the more you wont feel so overwhelmed with her outbursts....
Regardless of what path you take with her, come back here and share and make friends..... you will find that you are not alone in your feelings, and will get a lot of support..... hoping you find some answers soon and that you come back, you and College are on this crazy train with us now....hugs..
Today at lunch, I read a new book, a new author. I started giggling as I read the first chapter. Bingo! I finally found a book that catches my attention, and made me laugh. I went back to work. All afternoon, instead of thinking of Agingcare and what's up, I was eager to go home so that I can read more of my new book.
Changing dad's pamper tonight. His bed is cluttered. When I pulled the lifter towards me so that he can be centered on the bed, his clutter also ended up near the edge. As I was passing his foot, my hip hit the bed, and his stuff fell on the floor. Dad looked at me, and I automatically said, "I didn't do it! I'm over here." He was wondering how it fell. Then I'm now on the other side, and as I leaned against the bed roughly, more stuff fell to the floor. He looked at me and I said, "I didn't do it, I'm way over here!" And he said, "I didn't do it either!" We both chuckled.
Sigh... I gave in to my cravings. After successfully doing 30 minutes on the treadmill, I was hungry. So, I went and got myself a full bowl of ice cream with 2 tablespoons of chocolate fudge on it. Kind of useless to exercise if I'm going to sabotage it with ice cream. Tomorrow, I'm going to Google on how to handle this after-exercise-food-cravings.
Well, my hair is still wet from showering. Time to go sit in front of my floor fan in my bedroom to air blow dry my hair. Nope, I don't have a hair dryer. I just use the fan, and a large brush to comb my hair while drying. Midnight here. Gotta go.
The big question is does gram still control the money for the household?
BUT, if she's living with you, then that's a different scenario, with different options.
Grams is going to get worse. If she's so negative, bitter now, do you see her slip a teeny tiny bit as if she wants to hit you or anyone in anger? You know what I mean. Its when the tension is high, and the person is in such anger, that they are shaking so hard because they want to hit out. I see this in children, in my dad, in myself, etc... If you see this, know this right now, that as your Grams progress in her dementia, she will lose control of her restraint. The dementia will allow her to hit out or say awful things without hesitation. Please watch for any signs that she's heading towards this stage. Ideally, going to the doctor for medications to help with her negative emotions would be great. And that's another story - trying to get her to the clinic.
Hugs to you
Wish you and your son could find a passion that you can rely upon to guide you to better times. But willpower and choice is our ally and obstacle.
For example: try an affirmation, something like this:
I am never alone. God is helping me and loving me. God is helping my son. We find support and help us to be healthy and happy. I have faith and I open my eyes to His constant love and help for me. Thank you for these changes.