This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Eye surgery went well bit more sore but vision is better already!
Veronica, it could be our livingroom air con. It needs flushing. Thanks.
I had a pounding headache all day. I took Motrin after breakfast which didn't work much. I then went to my dental appointment for cleaning - headache got worse. I'm scared of any dental work. I kept tensing, had to force myself to relax, then tensed again. Headache got worse. I kept worrying that I might have to throw up and how do I jump off the seat when I'm practically almost upside down? Went to eat lunch which eased the headache.. until I stopped eating. Then it came back with a vengeance. So, I this time I took the Tylenol sinus pain pill. That helped tone down my headache... until I heard music.
I got up and went to the center court. Performing this afternoon was the South Korean Navy Band. A lot of young Navy people - male and female. Most of them looked like they just graduated from high school. The navy band was like more than 10 members on the stage. They played some classical music, their country's music. ... And I heard in person - 2 men who sang like those people in TV - Opera! Well, they sang in such high notes/voices. How such a deep sound can come out of their small form? I heard someone say that they're singing in Spanish. Wow... After a while, their high notes singing made my headache unbearable. They did the gangnam style dance, and some judo/karate kind of stunts with breaking of wood, etc.... I was so entertained but had to keep going away because the volume was too loud. My poor head. When it was done, I realized that I truly enjoyed myself and was so glad that I stayed for hours watching them.
Not even 11pm and I'm so tired. I will be calling it for the day. Hope you all have a good day today. I'm hitting the sack.
What is the difference between the pediatric and adult version? I ask because you have an adult nose. It doesn't seem like it would be that different.
57twin, great that your sister is visiting and taking the time to spend with your father. I'm glad that he still enjoys the outings. And I wish you well with your 2nd eye surgery.
Dad and I had outing to farmers mkt, costco, lunch and an antique tractor show!
Tomorrow is 2nd eye surgery cannot wait as vision really off since I haven' t been able to wear glasses with only the right lens.
My sis is in the state and will come over on Sunday to surprise dad Sunday- we will go out to dinner as she flys out Monday.
Dad seems to be doing well I know he likes the weekend outings!
I'm home sick. 945am and trying to eat carefully so that I don't lose my food. My tastebuds are gone. The chicken soup has no taste. I even sprinkled salt and still no taste. Eat, take another excedrin and go back to sleep. I did not turn on the air con in my bedroom and only have 1 window opened, and I was so cold, I fell asleep covered in my fleece blanket. What a wasted day today is....
Beware of the flu shot. All night with the headache, ringing right ear that both seems to increase in volume. Now it's 630am and right side face is stuffed up. and nausea is beginning. I feel so queasy. I need to get up and throw up. I can't hold it in. I hate doing that since I have an empty stomach.
FYI, my dad's on Cipro. The pharmacist wanted to talk to me before they released the meds. The home care nurse informed her that dad takes herbal supplements. She explained to me the importance of NOT taking these supplements while he's on the Cipro for the next 7days. It's okay for him to take the multivitamin but it must be 2 hours after the Cipro or 6 hours before the Cipro.
This is only day 1. And it's a major battlefield trying to explain why he cannot take his multitude of herbal supplements. I can tell that sis gave in. I explained it to her several times but it's useless. She will do whatever dad wants. Period. So, tonight, I explained in more detail WHY the pharmacist wanted to talk to me. She said that the Cipro can have certain effects to the herbals by increasing their strength. I need to try to get sis to understand the danger of giving dad the herbals because it can multiply it's dosage in dad's body. Later. And good night!
Tick Tock Tick Tock...
The bus comes early this week
Daycare for Mom a day off for me
Eight hours until the bus returns
Tick Tock a long time you think
Shopping, errands a quick visit with a friend
Oh no it's one o'clock not long now
Oh no it's two o'clock found a friend
Tick Tock tell me everything quickly make me smile
Tick tock only a heart beat 2:15
He will be here soon I can feel him close
Tick tock another heart beat 2:30
He is here standing quietly behind me
Tick Tock Tick Tock
Ever so slowly he places those weights how much a thousand two thousand
He adjusts the balance a little nuge perfect
Always gentle don't damage the merchandise don't damage the caregiver
Tick tock another heart beat 2:45
Quick smile good bye all have to run the bus is coming
Tick Tock Tick Tock
He is waiting in the car already poised in the backseat
In the driveway 2:55
He is so meticulous as he he tightens the straps securing the weights
Always gentle don't damage the merchandise don't damage the caregiver
My knees start to buckle as my feet touch the ground
It's ok I say it's ok I love her so
Tick Tock until next week
Tick Tock Tick Tock
I love your mum. I think I know exactly how she feels. Doesn't mean I don't sympathise with you too!
I've got two close friends who have only boys - one has three, the other two. My ex SO's SIL (gosh life gets complicated!) also, she's got three boys. And my SIL, come to think of it: there she is living her life with a husband and two sons who love her very much but…
Anyway. I love my son very dearly. I am more grateful than I can say that I also have two daughters. And it's NOT because I expect them to watch over me in my old age.
Anyway, never mind that.
There are some things you should never do with somebody you can't risk falling out with. Teach her to drive. Partner her at bridge. Offer constructive criticism. And, er, fix her IT (not unless your day job is at the Genius bar, anyway)…
If I knew how to solve the electronics proliferation problem I would pass it on. Alas my solution is going to involve a trip to the City dump just as soon as I've got the cash to buy ONE phone and ONE computer with ONE printer.
If you know of one, then seriously the best thing you can do is call out a user-friendly engineer, tell him what your mother needs from her comms kit, and leave them to it. Ideally leave town, don't come back 'til it's over.
The bank accounts are worse - my mother did this. A credit card for every one of the myriad charities she approved of, made even livelier by her sending them back with a stern letter of disgust whenever they did something she didn't approve of. I have a confession: when my überefficient sister registered her Enduring Power of Attorney, rolled up her sleeves and asked for mother's documents I had them all ready for her. Boxes and boxes and boxes and boxes… I did wait 'til she'd loaded up her car and left before I grinned and went tee-hee-hee.
Um, look. You're on a bit of a hiding to nothing. If it's any consolation, soon enough the day will come when those treasured hordes are a matter of absolute indifference to her and you're left scratching your head and wondering what on earth all that effort was for. We had a four drawer full size office filing cabinet (not the only, but the biggest). It was hideous, insanely heavy and stuffed beyond opening with those vicious and useless suspension files. Decades of pleading would not part mother from it. 18 months ago, we politely ask her if we can just move it to decorate a room and she waves it away. Like it's nothing. Well f*** me! Wish we'd just "disappeared" it years ago, now.
This stuff is painful. I'm not underestimating how painful.
What would I want from my boy if I'd got to where your mother is (probably will, bar the pot. Life is unfair). I would want him to…. Be okay. Be happy. What would I want him to do FOR me? Phew. Possibly get things done, but not do them himself. I think that might be the trick. If he turned up with a nice bottle of Burgundy, and happened to have called an electrician to come and get the lights fixed, then we could have a lovely chat over a glass of wine and then lo and behold the light would be working.
Don't go! We're not not interested - it's just that things move fast and it can be hard to keep up.
My cholest went up. He changed the Lipitor to Pravastatin Sod. Sounds scary. On the RX label it states: Report muscle/joint pain or fever.
A fellow poster sent me something on cholesterol pills. I'm going to dig up that email and read it. Like I tell myself that I'm going to use the treadmill in the bedroom... And I don't. Procrastinating.
I also had the flu shot. My arm is sore. And I feel soooo tired. I wasn't going to take it. But the doc said that with me working and taking care of my bedridden father, that I need to take the flu shot. Because of my father's weakened stage/age. So. I took the flu shot. He also kept reminding me that I need to contact dad's doctor or the gov't agency to give him the shot. Don't wait.
Jessie I second that HUH?
Dr. Hyde has no idea of Dr. Jekyll: is that how the story goes?
Whatever, glad today was not another thing I had to use a week to get over!