This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
On a different note. Yesterday was my laser cataract surgery on my left eye. doc says went well. Vision is better but pupil still dilated and there is swelling so vision to improve over time. doc took out lense on eye glasses but its hard to see with my glasses until my Brian gets used to it over the next few days. So currently I am not wearing them. Hope no typos!
Testing the natural ant killers. I'm using the plain baking soda + powdered sugar mix on the kitchen table. Ants weren't interested in the one inside the jar lid. So, I spread some on the chopping board that I use as a pot holder. I also put aside 2 mix with water in it. None of the ants are interested in that. So, it will work best if I sprinkle it.. I will give it until tomorrow. If it doesn't work, then I will sprinkle the dry mix along the walls.
I want to give everyone a hug and hope your days are filled with happy thoughts resulting in happy memories...
Not having Veronica's terrifying, direct earliest memories of the War, and having studied German for quite a long time, and coming from an Army background, I don't have the same emotional reaction to this part of history that many people do. My mother's family is Jewish so I probably ought to; but here's the only conclusion I've come to: war results in unimaginable human misery and human cruelty. No goodies and baddies. Just people suffering, and people rampaging, and quite often the same people are doing both.
The trouble is, we have misguided ourselves (that is, we as voters in democracies) into believing that if you have enough rules and conventions and treaties, you can carry out war nicely and no innocent civilians will get hurt. I am not a pacifist. I just get very tired of our childish imagining that it is possible to conduct war and only eliminate the right, wicked enemies. Quite often we're none too clear about who those enemies are, and oh my goodness we do find ourselves making 'friends' with some extraordinary people. Not keen on Assad? Well thank goodness our friends in Saudi are such lovely cuddly types. They never imprison anyone without due process, I'm sure.
I was listening some while ago to a British intelligence spokesman on the radio explaining that some prisoners had undergone 'robust interrogation' and I'm afraid I squealed with laughter. Another of those special irregular verbs to add to my collection, yippee! It goes like this:
1st person plural: we interrogate robustly
2nd person plural: you torture
3rd person plural: they have been indicted by the International Criminal Court for Crimes Against Humanity
I worry about you sitting so far away hollow-eyed at the thought of 11 year olds burying rotting corpses, Book. There is a very good documentary series "The World At War" which was made in the 1970s (narrated by Laurence Olivier) and covers all theatres and issues of WW2. You can skip episodes, which is often a relief, and although it wasn't intended to be shown to children it was made for a general television audience, so it's not excessively brutal with the pictures. And it's I think reasonably objective. Certainly no glorifying of anything.
You know what? It isn't only the horrors suffered by the innocent that take my breath away. It was also the hopeless courage shown by both soldiers and civilians that makes me sob. Polish cavalrymen on horseback, with drawn sabres, charging Panzer divisions. Mad as hatters. Incredibly brave. Or the young Japanese lady who held her children's hands and leapt from a cliff rather than surrender. War made these people believe that what they did was necessary and virtuous. Oh, and going back to the children, look carefully at some of the soldiers shown surrendering in the heart of Germany. These are boys barely into their teens, in full uniform, armed with rifles, scared out of their wits and deeply ashamed.
Did you know there is a Japanese diplomat commemorated in Yad Vashem as one of the "righteous among the Gentiles" as they rather quaintly term it? He worked at the embassy in Hungary, I believe it was, and sat at his desk stamping exit visas for Jews until… I don't know how this story ended. Just that he saw desperate people and did all he could to help them. A mensh. People can be heroic if they get the chance.
My ex-SO's father, now in his 90s, flew in Lancaster bombers as a navigator. This is how it was from his point of view (he was in his late teens/early twenties): you stuck to your mates. You concentrated on what you were doing. You got in a cramped tin can and pretended you didn't know what happened to people who got trapped in planes on fire. You took off, flew to the designated target, cracked jokes about the anti-aircraft fire, dropped your bombs, scuttled home as fast as your pilot could carry you and waited anxiously to see how many of your fellows had got back in one piece. Then you did it all again. Many years later, he was at a business lunch with some Germans, one of whom asked him "have you ever been to Hamburg?" He said, after an awkward pause, "not exactly…"
If he had been in Hamburg when the bombers were there he wouldn't be making any jokes about it.
I also hate to think of you worrying about what the North Koreans are up to: I too would not like my home to be on the Dear Leader's little list of favourite destinations. Does it cheer you up to remember that the Chinese are actually in charge?!
Oh, and by the way: I have never known children need to be forced to make fun of other children. It comes naturally. All the more important for adults to guide them to more charitable and open-minded ways, no?
Yes, I totally agree about the townspeople. Now that one and having the young children to help bury the dead was going too far. Yes, I know how really bad it was back then when I used to read everything I could on it. (Now, I cannot handle the reality of war and the atrocities.) If someone did not like you, they can claim that your a Jew sympathizer. And you and your family would be punished - just from hearsay, on and on.
Veronica, I did not mean to insult you or your memories. I tell you this much, if North Korea wants to prove something to the US, guess who they will nuke bomb first? We all know who. And it sure isn't going to be Hawaii! We've had 2 reactions from our people. One side were so terrified that they wanted to leave island for good. The other side (my view), is that if it happens, it happens. I just hope that I die from the initial blast.
It sure was not the Germans. Germany is now one of the richest in Europe and England is teetering on the point of poverty. Ask Country Mouse how much the cost of living has gone up in the last ten years. We enjoyed a frugal middle class life in the UK as young professionals and do so now in the US as retirees but things have changed so much there is no way we could afford to live in the UK and buy even a small house.
I also did not know that the Liberators made the townspeople bury the dead from the concentration camps. Who did they think the townspeople were going to tell? There is always evil in the world and evil seems to go with the territory when people are power hungry. The one with the bigest stick rules. These days innocent people are being beheaded on TV so we all know about it. If any German civilian in WW11 was caught with a radio he would have been shot on sight so how could ordinary people tell the outside world what was happening. And what could the outside world do about it till Hitler was defeated. I lived through WW11 and was only a little kid but still get shivers when I hear an air raid siren in an old movie on TV I remember when the Princesses Elizabeth (now the Queen) and Margaret would come on the radio and say. "Goodnight children everywhere. Margaret say ":good night") "and Margaret's tiny girl's voice would quietly say "Goodnight"
Winston churchill would adress the nation in the worst of times to keep the people's spitits up. He kept his own spirits up with a bottle of brandy every night but we did not know that then. He deeply loved his wife Clementine but can you imagine the stress that woman endured during all those years. My dad went to war when I was 2 and my only memory was meeting him just before he was deployed and Mum taking a picnic of tomato sandwiches. Quite a luxury as they only grow if you have a green house in that climate. None we knew had one, they were only for the rich. I next saw Dad when I was 5 and when Mum opened the door and this soldier was standing there I had no idea who he was.
So Book you see there are two sides to every story and neither is lily white.
Did you know that when the Allies invaded and liberated the people in Europe, that they forced All the townspeople to march thru the concentration camps to see what the German army did to the Jews, Polish, and other prisoners? I did not know this. One local woman said that the Allies held them, the townspeople, accountable for what the Germans did to those prisoners. That the locals were guilty by keeping silent.
Did you know that after they were all forced to march in a line to look at all those dead prisoners, they were then forced to dig graves and bury all those people? I did not know this. It showed whole truck loads of bodies being deposited to these townspeople to bury - with no blankets, etc.. just the dead naked bodies. I saw even children around age 11 and up helping to dig/bury the grave, right alongside the women.
Did you know that after that, the documentary showed that no one came to help rebuild what the Allies bombed in their cities? That the German people had to rebuild on their own. And that they finally completed the rebuilding in the 1980's? I did not know that.
I can tell you this much. If you ever visit Germany, do NOT do the "hail hitler' thing. You Will be arrested. It's against the law to do that. From what I understand, a lot of tourists don't know this. They do it, and get arrested. I read this on a travel journal/magazine.
As for Borax, I'm too scared to use that. Too many warnings. I'd rather try to do the natural way of ridding the ants. Thanks, 57twin. I saw on google that majority of people recommended it. But too many warnings on all of it. So, that's out.
In the weekend, I'm going to try boiling hot water to use as a natural way of killing the weeds near my bedroom. It's these weeds in which the red ants are gathering. I will concentrate on the areas near the house - not the whole yard. Bro waits until the weeds are past my hips before he bushcuts it. But, the red ants swarm my feet and bite it when I'm walking through the tall weeds. There was something else to use on the weeds. Vinegar and Dawn?
What shocked all of us was finding out that oldest bro and his family were letting people think that they were the ones taking care of the parents. You see, in our culture, the oldest child takes over the care of the parents when they get old. Oldest sis is incapable. Therefore, oldest bro of next door should have but didn't. Yet soooo many people were praising him for taking good care of mom. He didn't even come in to say his good bye when mom was dying. After she died, he was crying as we squabled. I felt nothing towards him. He was the one who locked me in a room in his house to tear me apart for 30minutes telling me that I was nothing and I will always be nothing at the age of 23..Just so that I sign my portion of the land for him to use. He was my favorite of all my siblings until that day. I went home and cried my broken heart and shredded self esteem. Since then, I've never felt any emotions toward him. Sad isn't it, that 25years later I have no emotions toward him? And that is why my 2brothers in the states post it in Facebook.
Anyhow canning alot of tomatoes in past week. Working on a batch of taco sauce now.
Eye surgery in two days-started my drops regimen yesterday.
Dad and I went out yesterday for root beer floats yesterday then sat by the river looking at all the boats. my cousin and her husband stopped on and visited today with dad. that was nice!
I bought this big container of ant killer that suppose to last for 6 months at Home Depot. I haven't used it because I hate all those Warnings on the bottle. I just finished googling. I am going to try the baking soda + powdered sugar + water remedy for inside the house where dad is and the kitchen. I wish I could put it outside but oldest sis stray cat would drink from it. I hate for it to die.
I've been spraying Raid and the generic version almost every night on the walls/entrances to the kitchen & livingroom. I'm worrying so much that I'm inhaling these chemicals too regularly. There is a link between these chemicals and dementia. So, I'm going to find an alternative home-made spray.....
ABB, remember how you tried those ant motel that didn't work? I saw on google, that maybe we can run it under hot water to soften it, then use a toothpick to stick honey in it. The honey will draw the ants in and eat the bait, then take it back to the nest.
I'll mention your suggestion but no guaranty he will listen to me. I would do it but I tend to take things apart and then cannot put it back together. I have no patience and then I might jam something and make it worse or break it. Thanks!
Okay, I'm going to Google this problem after I shower. Since it's rainy season, the ants have found a safe haven in .. my car! The other, I rolled down the passenger window, and ants came streaming out of the window! I bought that ant motel at Home Depot - but I cannot find it. I don't know if it was left behind at the store, or I accidentally threw it when I threw the plastic bag away. Has anyone successfully got rid of ants in their car? Unfortunately, we have a large lawn which we park our cars on. We don't have a garage. Later...
He rarely came to the house to help us. My niece was telling me that my 2 brothers in the states, they now put a photo of me in their facebooks and tell everyone that I'm the one who took care of mom. And that I'm now taking care of dad. They are making sure that everyone knows the truth. I didn't know this. I had tears in my eyes when my niece was telling me this.
If we needed plumbing or electrical work, I always ask bro-of-next-door first. When he turns me down, I then have to use the yellow pages to find someone. Most times, they rip us off. I even thought I had a great deal by paying the plumber to fix our shower for $800.00. The guy from the home care store was shocked at the amount, asked what was done, and I could tell from his face that I - again - was ripped off. I had asked my brother several times to please ask his adult son to be here to keep an eye. Nope, never happens. So.....
I used dad's money to buy 2 screen doors totaling $600. Bro decides he can install it. He installed the first one $350 - and today, I finally locked it. And... I cannot unlock it. The lock is stuck. The door is now permanently locked. Unhinge it? Cannot because it's a Security Door which you cannot take the hinge off. Even if you break the screen, the door is still going to be stuck on the doorway. Sigh... all well, atleast we can open the door and have the breeze come in the house.
Oldest bro decided to 'fix' the sliding door. He made it worse. Now, when I open the door, there's no resistance, and it slams really hard to the left or right. OMG!!!! I told sis that we need to hire a professional to replace the whole sliding door. Not bro.
I was watching my brother do the security screen door. He's about 53 years old. And he was forgetting a lot of things on the repairs. I could see he was struggling. He used to be really really good at it. Now that he's getting older, he's forgetting. I felt so bad for him. He's a mean person. I wonder which of his kids would help him? He already said that I would be caregiving him. I don't think so. All these years I asked him over and over for help - and He Did Not Help. Karma....Karma is coming to him....
Time to change dad's pamper.
In my Mom's case a peach will go right through her as will too many sweet cherries. But this is not the problem we have, and do not want! DH I sure wouldn't hesitate to experiment with different fruits to see if something will work.
I tend to have constipation. I can go for days without drinking water or any fluid - other than that first cup of ice coffee in the morning. That would be my only fluid for the day. I'd eat lunch/dinner and not drink anything at all. So, I make sure to drink at least a 16oz water per day and a handful (more) of walnuts and sliced almonds. If I'm beginning to slow down, I go to Wendys and order their chili. This guaranty that I empty most of it the next morning. If I really want to empty myself, I then order the potato with chili, broccoli and cheese on it. I eat it for dinner. And the next morning, just when I think I'm done, stand up, oops... still more coming out... sit...think I'm done, stand up...oops... more coming out... you get the picture. It's as if by standing up, it makes the bowel easier to flow down and out!
But I've heard that prune juice is good. Eating ripe papaya also is good. Eat too much ripe mango can also make you go.
I have no idea, my mom is chronic the other way. Have our tried good old fashioned prune juice? Would he drink it? It would be a way to get him a bit of nutrition and hydrate a bit. Does Dad have dementia? I imagine it is possible that the brain is not processing the signals correctly and the body may be slowing down.