This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Now the mitigation and rebuild. One room was completely gutted but the smoke and water damage is unbelievable. Large 4,000 sq ft house, built 1896, my beast house came to be.
I am fortunate my son and sons in law can help with all of this and hopefully minimize the hour drive there to take care of things.
Considering the longevity of this thread, there has been very little conflict.... the only two times it happened.... someone went after me.... hmmm, I'm still here and they aren't....
The whole message of this thread has been love and support.... and laughter,and consistenly have a safe place to come and have our feelings...
AC has grown so much.... so many new people, a few new problems.....but somehow we all come together in the end and make it work....so just wanted to thank everyone, past, present and future, who have continued to share and let me know, no matter what, I am never alone.... hugs, angels, prayers and chocolate..... I used to say, "hugs across the miles" but some one stole it !!!!! LOL
Thanks for the info about using a mop. Geez, here I was using the spray because i didn't want to hand scrub the walls! That's how my mom used to clean the bathroom walls. That's why I mentioned mask. I just never thought outside the box - and think of using a mop! I copied and pasted all of your advice (including yours, ABB). Okay. I keep yawning. Time to go to sleep.
I would also rest your mind, though. If you'd been living this long with a toxic variety that was actually causing symptoms, you wouldn't just be sneezing a bit by now. Still! - yuck, mould! Zap the little brutes, I should.
Red - 8 surgery. I've had 2 and hope to never ever go through that again. 8....
Yes, allergy to mold. Our restroom doesn't have a window. Every time we have a storm with heavy rain/wind, the bathroom gets soaked. Our walls along the side most often wet has mold. Oldest bro of next door keeps saying that he will rent a water blaster to blast the walls. Never got around to it. Every time I go in the bathroom at nights or early mornings, I sneeze a lot. And I keep staring at those mold. Bro says that it's not the dangerous mold. Just mold. Nothing to worry about. I sprayed a small portion in which I can reach and yet not be under it - with a full blast of vinegar. The mist came back to my face - no mask. I've already researched info on how to rid the molds but .. I need one of those fancy face mask, etc... I don't know... I'll figure it out. Tired... time to do dad's pampers.
Hope you find an abacus.
He's a counter. He would count and count and count.
Today, he's starting to count with: 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 19, 20, 22...
I told him that the number starts with 1, 2, 3, 4, etc... He had this blank look. And then told me that it starts with 13. Okaaaay.... counting numbers start on 13.
He's expressing frustration that he's forgetful - especially he can no longer remember how to count.
FYI, remember those herbal supplement bottles that were thrown? He is now accusing me of stealing it and giving it to my friends. He Knows I took it. He's a Very Good Detective. {rolling my eyes) good detective, my foot!!!
And I am very grateful we all have a place to come, a hundred times a day if need be, and be safe and be heard...... and it is hard... and no you can't fix it.... but there are so many suggestions here on what to do with those feelings.... so, again, sorry if I offended anyone, that was not my intention..... hugs to you all
For everyones aches and pains I started back at the gym 5 weeks ago and feel better about regular exercise including weight lifting.
Now to get a hair appt scheduled as its been since February!
What we really need is someone to tell us the magic word that will fix everything. I need someone to take me by the shoulders and say "It is going to be ok"...but it's NOT going to be 'ok'. It's going to be different. And different isn't always better. Most of the time, it's BAD. I hate change. I loathe change. I dreamed last night I had fixed everything and woke up feeling old as the hills...
Ya, AC has exploded.... not like it was 'back in the day' at all.... tons of new people....tho I do wish they would come on and read around..... so many of the same questions being asked over and over......so much info on here now, no reason to not be an informed caregiver.....
Happy you and your honey are still together..... love and hugs..
So, the result is very bad itchy hives. All over his body, even on his face. And still refuse to believes it's the supplements. It's been a struggle this past year but I always told myself that eventually he would reach the forgetful stage. Yes! He finally did. We have weaned him down drastically due to his forgetfulness. And because of this, he rarely gets hives.
Yesterday, the home care nurse visited to do his vitals. My dad has a tray table next to his bed within his reach. On his table, he has like 9 herbal bottles. The nurse starts picking up each bottle and questions my dad. I watched in horror. Because of those bottles, my dad has completely forgotten that we no longer give him any of the pills on that table except 1 bottle.
Then as the nurse started lecturing my dad about all these pills, my dad got angry at the nurse and said that those pills are good. The more the nurse lectured, the more firm my dad became. He ordered me to give him one of the bottle. This pill Does cause him hives. I picked it up and as I passed the nurse, I muttered that my dad is now forgetful and completely forgot about those pills that causes him hives. And now he has reminded my dad about it. I opened the bottle, took out a pill and said, "Dad, this pill looks funny. Look! I think it's spoiled."
The nurse, without skipping a beat, then asked for the bottle. He looks at it, and then said, "This bottle is expired. It expired since 2012! This needs to be thrown." My dad said to throw it. The nurse then picked up another bottle, looked at it, and said, "This is also expired." Dad said to throw it.
This is only a temporary win. Because now he will order more of those pills to replace the old ones. Those pills are not cheap.
Austin, you can still be the quiet little mouse - who can sure Roar like a tiger when she sees fit to do so. Good for you! =)
Chrissy, with regards to your brother making it seem like he’s doing more for mom in FaceBook. That has happened with me and my bro of next door. I know exactly how you feel. My niece would tell FB that she has to go now to help her aunty change grandma’s pamper. Niece rarely came – yet she was a very diligent helpful niece in her FB. It really really bugs me when someone takes credit for something that they don’t do. And I agree it’s very very difficult to let it go. Especially when they keep posting it, and refreshing our anger at the exaggeration of what they do.
Stillhope – You also have done your best for your mom. I’m glad that you knew when it’s time she went to ALF before caregiving affected your marriage and your job. It’s not like you abandoned her because you’re still going there to help her. Just keep it balanced because it’s so easy to tilt the balance and end up spending too much at ALF and less at home.
think I am going to turn the AC down to fifty and rip up the carpet in the hall and then scrape the wallpaper off the kitchen...it's just me and I am in the mood to destroy, rip and shred something...NOT in the mood to fix. So this weekend will be demolition weekend. I'll fix another time
And Wanting, yes, you did do the right thing and sometimes that's all that's left, hard as that is.... This is a brutal ride.