This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
LadeeM, ouch on the back pain. I hope it doesn't carry on for several days like backpains usually do. Sleep. Then maybe try a very very hot shower.
The daughter is a teacher and she started work today.... she is not going to be happy.... but hey, neither am I...... and I sooooo can not afford to miss work..... going back to bed before I depress myself.... hugs to everyone.
Reading though your posts, everyone. It helps.
Have a great night, ya'll!
blurry. days like this my attention span is short.
I've come a long way, baby! And I sure have moments when I am very disturbed inside and wonder how can I ever get "home" to myself. Caregiving: you can run the whole gamut a few times in one day! Right?
Personally I love them, but I also love Gilbert & Sullivan and Tchaikovsky so you can't look to me for musical taste. And Abba. And Marvin Gaye. And Blondie…
I remember watching a Christmas revue on TV once, can't remember who the hosts were, this was back before The Flood, and the next scene came on of an idyllic Hawaiian beach. Palm fronds fanned. Maidens swayed. Waves lapped onto the sands, and on the seventh washed up a giant clam shell. Out of which burst Bette Midler launching raucously into "Oklahoma!"
I still think it was the funniest thing I've ever seen and I love her for it.
Book, I can't imagine anything more crushing than being told you sound terrible when you're singing. Having said that, my daughter sails round the house (just as I used to) accompanying her iPod at the top of her voice and it can get a bit migraine-inducing. But I wouldn't dream of inhibiting her. Singing is SO GOOD for you. It lifts the spirits and ventilates the blood stream. Turn your dad's tv volume up higher and sing away!
Remember: talent does what it can. Genius does what it must. Beethoven had to be turned round to see his audience after the first performance of the Choral because he couldn't hear the rapturous applause. Just because you'll never suffer that kind of pain doesn't mean you should deprive yourself of a God-given pleasure.
Lately I am feeling incrediblly healthy! I also take the "super green drink powder" from Trader Joe's in juice and a with little flaxseed. The chlorella and other good things in it give me energy. I also had some mercury fillings removed and replaced with white fillings. Seems like days after that I felt better than I had in years.
Hope this all helps someone.
Hugs to you all.
Judda what a wonderful way to let your spirit soar.
Mom may not care that you had fun, but we do and are happy you got to 'fly' free for a little while...
I am realizing more and more that since my mom is more and more self centered she is no longer capable of being interested in me or my welfare, or my activities. She never asks me about anything and just yaks on and on non-stop about herself. It's so lonely to have to be with someone who constantly berates and puts you down in so many ways. I am torn between enjoying my freedom when I am not with her and wanting to be with a person whom I can have a real 2 way conversation with. It's so damaging to be with an aging parent who gets off on having to put me down so that she looks good. At least that is what she thinks.
At the outdoor concert, I was myself: totally giving myself permission to shine without disturbing the show or others. The band thanked the "beautiful dancers".
and people came up to me and said how much they enjoyed watching me dance.
Felt so good to shine in my own way, without fear and judging. I wish more people had had that courage. But they watched the band and me and the babies groove to the music and by the end of the concert, everyone looked happier and freer.