This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Welcome, and plan on attending our fantasy bash in Texas. Being an only child in this situation is rough, but I would much prefer that to the two sibs I have that have done nothing but cause legal wrangling with false accusations to officials against me.
I would suggest that you have your Dad's doctor order an assessment done by a geriatric care manager, a nurse, or one of the social worker types familiar with elder issues. Let Dad's doctor be the bad guy. Early in dementia they are still able to do many things for themselves but driving is often one of the first freedoms that have to be given up for everybody's safety. Also early in the disease their ability to take care of their finances disappears. Bills are forgotten, checks are bounced (one of my Mom's first was a church donation LOL!). Does you Dad have Powers of attorney set up? What about living will? When is the last time he made appropriate changes to it? Now is the time to get all of his affairs in order before he cannot any more. See an elder law attorney with your Dad to help get things setup appropriately.
You are among good and strong company here. We have all learned so much for each other and quite good friends, even though we have never met.
When do you put the snow tires on your vehicle ?
Ladee if we manage to get Capt to come to Texas he will probably take care of the pig roast and shooting it too. I hear the wild ones are nasty vicious beasts.
I guess Cujo would have to be institutionalized if the family could not afford the full time care. They would deal with her there with sedation. She does seem to be worse around the time of the full moon though.
Oh Red thank goodness the therapist was able to put your shoulder back. Do you think you could do it yourself? Could hubby be enlisted? I am afraid it may continue to pop out from time to time in the future. Could the therapist show him how to do it.
I am not sure quite what an MRI will show that they don't already know. would you be anxious to have one? I had my neck done a few weeks ago and was pretty anxious that I would be claustrophobic but it was no problem. There was at least six inches up to the roof and it was softly lit. I had expected to be strapped down but there were no restraints although I had to keep still. About half way though they pulled me out and gave me the contrast into the IV. It is very noisy but they put in ear plugs then protectors over that. Even so there are continual loud noises like a pneumatic drill but I found it strangely hypnotic.
Book there is plenty of meat in Texas have't you heard of all the cattle ranches and the cowboys. Why they even have supermarkets too where you can get those sterile portions covered in shiny plastic wrap with expiration dates on them.
However she`s always been that way. Every house she lived in she`d let go and get rough then sell it and move to a nicer one so it was someone else`s problem. Thank goodness I`m the opposite. Spent this afternoon putting the first coat of paint on the ceiling and walls of the mud room.
But the luxury of having an inhome caregiver helps.... someone that has no help.... yes, being up all night and all day for days at a time takes it toll.....I was a live in caregiver only once.... NEVER AGAIN..... so the utmost respect for all of you who do this day in and day out with out help.... you are my hero's..... I couldn't do it.....
Maybe I need to ask for a raise... being a mover is not in my job description..... lol
Sorry, no eggs on rocks this year in Texas....we have had a very mild summer.... you wont hear any of us complaining.....but I do have some pretty large pieces of petrified wood that I have found..... I'll keep that in mind.....!!!
No Book, most people eat meat..... so you can roast a wild pig over an open pit.... you'll have to catch him first.... but there are plenty of them....and ya, let's just have pot luck...... different areas of the country, we eat different things.....or we can just eat PBJ and chips...... as tired as everyone is.... cooking won't be on our list of things to do...... laughing and taking naps..... now that sounds like fun...... if only this was not a fantasy...... how cool for us to get together....
Ok, am working all week, no rest for the wicked.....so need to go and get things ready for work... hopefully Cujo has everything moved and will sleep tonight
Juda FYI only honey bees leave their stinger in so you don't need to worry about that with a wasp. I would however go out and spray that nest at dusk or dawn.
ladee maybe we should all bring a dish to pass. You will let us know nearer the time how many it has to feed.
I also have news for you ladee you WILL be using that kitchen. once you start paying all those home expenses the only take out you will be able to afford will be "meals on wheels" In texas you can probably leave a rock out in the sun and fry eggs and bacon on that. no dishes to wash just find another rock.
DHilBe – You’re invited. You know how men have their fantasy football? Well, here on the YOU thread, we have fantasy get-togethers. You wouldn’t by any chance Love to Cook, would you? Our hostess seems to be on strike. And I have no intentions of stepping up to the plate … to cook.
motherearthnews/natural-health/bee-sting-treatment-zbcz1310.aspx#axzz3A8U1JZsw
I hope you are not allergic to them and that you have taken out the stinger.
Best regards.
Ladee might run out in her new back forty and shoot something. I was going to say wring the neck of one of her chickens but she would borrow one of your evil spirits and set it on me.
What an awesome moon last night.... about 5 this morning, I went outside to smoke and gaze at the wonder... I hear all kinds of banging and bumping in the house.... first time I had been outside in hours !!!!
Here comes Cujo out of the first bedroom........ can tell by the look on her face she is confused...... asked her if I could help her, and in her best Cujo voice.. THAT JACKET IS RANDELLS'..... well, alrighty then....object..... to get her back to bed without having to hear that voice again...
Finally after convincing her , yes, she DID have a bed at 'this place'..... she went back to bed and was still asleep when I left at 7......Have been having a lot of quite nights, so am not complaining.....
Book... haven't heard anything about the ticks around here.... if there were I'd hear something as there are farmers and cattle ranchers everywhere......and something like that would even end up in our little local paper.....so far, you would be safe and could still eat meat.... YUK !!!!
Hi Chrissy, DHilBe and Assandy (I still like your avatar yet feel so sad about it.)
Ashlynne, I chuckled about your muscle/helper guy. =)
Tex, chuckled about your “bible thumping Mommy Dearest”. I soooo agree that you have a wonderful husband who’s running interference on your behalf with his MIL. Yep, he does deserve a Hero’s award.
Ladee - before we arrive, can you like … call the pest control people and to use natural products to spray those Texas ticks? I sure don’t want to be allergic to red meat. Yeah, capt will come out on Ike.
Wannek, good tips to remember. And don’t talk fast. I keep forgetting that. By the time I’m done talking, dad looks so confused. And I’m too tired to repeat myself. Then he gets pissed off because I say, “Oh, never mind!” I will admit that even before dad’s stroke, he was going on 3 weeks without showering. Why would he need to shower? He doesn’t need it. He doesn’t stink (his sense of smell is gone.) The only way to get him to shower was to say that so-and-so (a male) is coming to visit. Only then he will shower.
Veronica, since I graduated from high school, I’ve never attended any of our reunions. My ex bf asked me why I don’t attend. I said that I never went to the dances and proms when I was in school, why on earth would I do so now? Our island is so small, I already see my former classmates. I admit, they all seem to look like they’ve gained too much weight and old looking.
Steller – Finally your brother gets to see what you’ve been telling him. I wonder how he’s going to react now? Please keep us updated. I’m curious.
From the way you posted it did not sound as though your Mom had any of the nasty issues but she certainly does and you are on your way to sainthood.
So many of the loved ones who are demented seem to have and have had these nasty behaviours all their lives I do wonder if that is not linked to dementia.
Blessings and heaps of hugs you are doing a tremendous job.