This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Glad I am home. The neighbors are having a cook out with tons of cars, loud music and speakers. I can't imagine I am going to be able to sleep tonight either. Frustrated with living here. But at least Mom is moving to her own new location Sept 1. It will put more distance between us, which is great. Still I am sad that our close relationship of mother and daughter has come to this state of being.
Two things to share today: young guy at a cafe who waits on us says, "oh you look like sisters." (I am 62, Mom is 92. Most people think I look 45.) I smiled at the man and said, "I am going to kill you. What kind of math are you doing?"
Another time this comment was made I said to the person, "Well, that's a nice compliment for ONE of us." Geez, there is NO way in Hell I look older than 49 even. Maybe Mom appears 80ish. I don't get it. They see an old lady and want to make HER feel good? The whole thing is unnerving. Just another way to put me down is what it feels like.
Another thing to get off my chest, can you relate?
Have you ever been in a store or restaurant and your Narc parent is playing their stupid drama get attention junk, usually at YOUR expense. The clerk plays the poor old parent's game and you roll you eyes and try to restrain a groan. The clerk sees you out of the corner of their eyes and says, in a reprimanding way,
"You're LUCKY you still HAVE your parent!"
Makes me want to upchuck!
Have put the word out about a place in the country that is set up for a trailer..... won't get serious about moving it until it gets cooler.... so I have time to save every single penny I can, and check around for movers and land....
I finally have something awesome to look forward to..... more gratitude than I can put words on.....
She wants one ring to go to n old friend - a matched pair, I wear my late father's. Concerned about her wedding ring I promised I would wear it and that made her happy. My mind is wrapping itself around what must be done when time comes. Along with arrangements I'll need to clear her room and move some pieces of furniture, which must be done quickly as the NH will want the room back to re-let.
She's had 88 years of a wonderful life, the very best of everything, more than most anyone I've ever known, but she's never been happy with anything. She's in no pain and I hope that, in the next world, she can find the happiness she could never find in this one.
The night the lady pushed me to the floor, I felt it snap when I fell, and she was kicking me while I was down.....all I could think of at the time, was 'get to a phone'......when I did , I called her and told her to get her a** over there ASAP.....
It never occurred to me to sue her..... but they were damned well going to pay my medical costs... her husband was sane, thank God, so that was not a problem..... the lady ended up dying of an untreated UTI !!!! That whole experience was a nightmare from day one.....and I wonder to this day, had I pushed even harder would the daughter have listened....???
But I go into my jobs, being an independent caregiver, knowing, that if I get injured, it may completely fall on me to pay the medical bills.... I don't know what the laws in Texas are about this...
But that whole nightmare taught me to leave the job if the family won't listen... but in my case, I would call APS in a heartbeat....... which is a touchy situation also.... if it got out I called APS, I would never work again.... but I did call the Home Health agency, told her what was going on.... and she intervened to get the lady into a NH while I was still on crutches....
So, yes, we know what situations we are walking into..... and if we don't have a cooperative family, then today, I would leave....
I appreciate you sharing this Assa..... people need to know their rights on both ends of this issue,.......
There are many jobs that people do knowing they are unsafe.. I guess if you work for an agency then you can collect workers compensation if you get injured but if you work independently you're taking your chances...
So you can't restrain AD patients. You can't drug them. You can't be compensated if you get injured by them. The idea that people might be decently remunerated for caring for them - ha! But meanwhile everyone is wringing their hands about how little help, compassion or care is available for the deluge of AD that is about to emerge in the population. And how the professionals - dedicated, good people - currently working in the field keep their sanity and their sense of humour beats me.
Has anyone come up with a GOOD idea yet?
So, I asked her very nicely if she smoked this morning. She looked at me with this look of resignation. And just nodded. I said, "Can you not smoke in the house, PLEASE? It makes my face all stuffed up... and you might burn down the house."
She looked at me with such sadness, she nodded. I asked her again (several times today) that we can go out to lunch on Saturday after my work. She kept saying no.
It's so frustrating. I try and try on my Saturdays off to try to get her to go with me and fave sis shopping or lunch. Oldest sis keeps saying no. I KNOW how important it is to get out of the house. I just don't know how to proceed from here.
I was so upset. I went to my life insurance company to request for an update of my measly life insurance. I'd like to know who's my beneficiaries and the percentage. I want to change my beneficiaries. I was in my early 20's when I applied for this. Never updated it or increased the amount. Just enough to pay for my funeral cost and any excess goes to fave sis and older sis in Colorado. I want to change it. Majority will go to fave sis (she's been paying for my car insurance for Years) and 10% will go to oldest sis. Not much but better than nothing.
Assandy - wow, on that decision held by the California Supreme Court. Kind of makes sense. But, can the caregiver sue the dementia's POA? I mean, if the cg kept trying to tell the POA that something's wrong, and they don't listen, then try to make them liable for your medical costs?
The California Supreme Court ruled 5-2 that people hired to work with Alzheimer's patients should know the disease commonly causes physical aggression and agitation in its later stages. The court majority concluded it would therefore be inappropriate to allow caregivers who get hurt managing a combative client to sue their employers.
Anyway. I don't know if you've ever watched "Absolutely Fabulous," but Joanna Lumley's character goes to bed smothered in nicotine patches and with an unlit cigarette in her mouth to be ready the second she wakes up in the morning. But what the writers didn't suggest is that she actually gets up in the middle of the night specifically to smoke.
And neither do I. If your sister's staying in your house and you don't like her smoking, she mustn't do it. But reddog is right, something else is keeping her up late.
The compound that may help reverse cognitive impairment is called TC-2153. It inhibits the negative effects of a protein called STEP (Striatal-Enriched tyrosine Phosphatase). Elevated STEP levels interfere with other proteins that are crucial for learning and memory. STEP also weakens synaptic junctions, the minute spaces between nerve cells across which nerve impulses travel. TC-2153, according to investigators, blocks STEP, strengthening the neuronal connections.
One of my past charges would tell me she had to go to the bathroom.... we never made it.... never.... sometimes a trail or usually a huge plop right as we pulled her pants down.....funny how after awhile we don't even SMELL poop anymore... !!!! Short of shoving her backward on the toilet it was never a hit in the right spot.... so I kept a roll of paper towel by the toilet.... after each clean up, I would put some down....kept from having to clean it off the walls..... !!!
Red, I died laughing about the turd that scored the bathtub.... !!! It is amazing isn't it..... one day we will all have to collaborate on a book called the Poop Chronicles......!!!!!
Just more of sis disrespecting you and the house rules.... do ya'll have smoke detectors in your home??? If not, get some.... this is dangerous and she will not be honest with you... sorry for one more thing, from one more person, who just can't seem to do what is right....