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Book...I quit smoking 38 years ago but at one time I smoked 3 pks a day and had for a while...I didn't crave them when I was sleeping but it was the first thing I reached for when I woke up...kept a pack on the night stand right next to an ashtray...they don't usually interrupt your sleep patterns...she may well be waking up at night and smoking in her room but I doubt that the need for a smoke is what's waking her up.
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She wasn't smoking in the car, but I still reacted to the cigarette smell on her clothes.
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P.S. I am so sensitive to smoke, that I was sat in a car with my chain smoker sis from Colorado, my face closed up and I started having problem breathing. At the next rest stop, she switched seat with someone else.
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Question to all chain smokers. Since I was a child, I've always had problem smelling things. I would be the last one to smell is dead road kill animal until we're practically on top of it. I'm very sensitive to smoke, be it from trash burning or cigarettes. My face closes up like a sudden sinus problem. If I continue to breathe it, I literally start choking and gasping. That's how I know that our next door neighbor at work is smoking in the office (which is illegal). I turn on my desk fan to blow away the smoke smell even though I cannot smell it.

It's 340am and I woke up to the smell of cigarette smoke. My sense of smell has made a rare appearance. I can smell perfectly. The livingroom smells strongly of cigarette. The hallway leading to sis room and the bathroom on the right and the scary room on the left. Hallway smells of cigarette. Bathroom does not. I opened the left bedroom, NO cigarette. I stood outside sis bedroom. I said aloud, "I hope you're not smoking."

Sis is a chain smoker. She has had history of burning her bedroom at her rental apartment. When she moved in, I told her NO smoking in the house. Several nights before midnight, she smoked in her room. I knocked on her door and told her firmly no smoking. One day I saw her bought an air freshener. I got suspicious but kept my mouth shut. I always wondered how a chain smoker can sleep from midnight until 1or 2PM without coming out to smoke. Again, suspicious but cannot accuse...

Now I wonder if a lot of these times when I woke up with my face all stuffed up was because sis was smoking in her room.

Question: for you chain smoker, from the time you sleep, how long is it before you have to get up to smoke?
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Ladee, it is astounding to me how they can move so quickly when they are trying to be sneaky. But come Tim to go somewhere they can barely walk! LOL!
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LadeeM...not sure which is worse...wandering in the middle of the night and trying to keep them out of trouble (don't think I slept a solid night for a long time) or when they get to the point where they can't, and call you all night to fix what ever it is that they have imagined...MIL big deal at that stage was blowing her whistle to have me come tell her what time it was (there was a clock with 2 inch high red glow in the dark numbers right by her) or to tell me she had wet when in reality what she had was the runs and couldn't tell and would start trying to stick her hands in it when I was trying to clean her up...makes for a rough night but that was better than when she was able to get up and would try to get there and not make it and leave a trail that it looked like she did a happy dance in...one night after she had hit three walls and the floor I found one lone turd that had bounced into the shower...that was several feet away and never did figure out how she managed that one...with the bigger messes I think at least she felt like she was trying...when she could not get up anymore it affected her mentally too...that was sad...glad Cujo was willing to wait till time to round up the cows...
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I have to love my job.. Cujo had a restless night.... up and down , wandering around without her walker.... she got up around 3:30 am with that 'look' on her face... meaning.... she was going to be growling if I told her no about anything.... she was moving across that floor pretty fast on her walker, I asked her where she was going..... In her cujo voice.... I have to help round up the cows....hmmm alrighty then....long story short... took me awhile to convince her it was too early and told her when 'they' got there, I'd go wake her up so she could get up, get dressed and go help.... she went back to bed.... whew !!!!
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Things can always be better, but they can always be worse. Going through this for the first time myself, and out of my friends, I find it a challenge. However reading some of the stories on here, wow. I have mad respect to those that are full time caregivers, those with no help, and/or quit their jobs. I may need to vent, oh yes, but no mistaking that I am blessed to have both my 88 y.o. mom and 91 y.o. dad. And it's an honor to care for them. I may not have a life and be exhausted, but I never consider it a burden. I just need to let it out and am so grateful to find a place of support. Thanks and I feel for those that have it even tougher.
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I am very lucky that my two best friends have been through this before me, so they totally get my stories. I must admit I "humor" things up when I tell my stories.. I guess I don;t always want to sound like its as depressing as it can be.. but they have thier own stories and we share and share alike! I guess my humor saves me, I am the only one of us not on full time meds! LOL. I am also lucky my Mom is with us to help with Dad, and we have a part time companion So Wannek, vent away, we all get it and understand. Even those of us who seem "lucky" may be hiding things...
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LadeeM congrats on the new granddaughter to be...Lav glad you are all moved and can now just worry about taking care of yourself...Book have you tried putting cucumber peels outside of the doors and other places ants come in...they are not supposed to like them at all also might try a chalk line around the perimeter of the house until you have a chance to have the yard sprayed...
Still on the mend here and getting more movement back in my shoulder every day...
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I hear ya wannek! Sometimes it's just not worth it to vent.. I get tired of listening to my own complaints! Lol
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I do feel that people tune me out but that is also why I find myself not reaching out as much to friends, calling, etc. Although I maintain a full time job, helping both my parents consumes me and this is ALL I have to talk about so if they don't want to hear it, I just avoid them. I'm not in the frame of mind to hear them either as far as their relationships that I don't have and fun I don't have. Their 'issues' seem minor and I get angry if I feel they can't handle the convo. Too bad for them, I'm living it! So instead of alienating ALL my friends and having no one, I just let whomever wants to talk to me to reach out and others I pull back from. Trust me, that leaves me with very few to vent to. Not that those don't care, but I do understand that they have their own lives and just don't have the time. I do try to vent here when I can and don't always find the time to. We just do what we can... and I thank u
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Wannek, after a while, if you keep talking about mom and your caregiving, sometimes friends (like my siblings) will start to say, "Uh huh, hmmm, yeah," etc... I always can tell when my family starts to tune me out but continue to Pretend to be listening. So, if you need to vent or sound out what's going on at home, just come back here and tell us. I get my emotional support from fave sis. Understanding or sympathy or advice - I come here. Don't feel bad about it. By your telling it like it is, your friends will able to understand your situation.
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Wannek, you're being truthful. It's not like you're inviting your friends to laugh at your mother; you're sharing with them the reality of your life. You're entitled. Pretending everything is fine when it d**n well is NOT fine is one of the worst and most destructive social niceties there is. Good on you for your candour.
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Wannek if your friends are what I would consider TRUE friends then they should listen to you with love and respect..

When someone I love and respect are telling me about fun stuff they did I always jokingly say "Just stick that knife in little deeper"!! They know I'm joking but I know if they could enjoy these fun times with me they would...
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I feel guilty that I tell my friends about my mom's accidents and how I clean her. They don't know or see her, so it's certainly not to embarrass her by no means do I mean to degrade her in the least. I guess I'm being selfish and do it because while they are telling me about their vacations and summer fun, I want sympathy. I am happy to be there to help both my parents, but need the support and feel guilty that I need to 'share' with my friends details I probably shouldn't. I question if I'm being disrespectful but I know that's not the purpose at all. I just don't want others to perceive it that way. I never did understand the anonymous charity donator or celebs that feel that they need to give money without publicizing it or it would look bad or insincere perhaps? A good deed is still being done. Isn't that the bottom line? So what if one wants to be recognized in the process or maybe that's just me and I'm wrong here.
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Book, forgot purple was your favorite color.... sure, you can have any color you want.....
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Pamzit - that's why we all need breaks from caregiving. You get energized. Maybe do this 'getaway' atleast twice a year.

I was just doing a quick search in Amazon for any freebies in ebooks for passive-aggressive. Nada. So, after I'm done with the washing, I will check out YouTubes and other online websites for educational purposes. I just feel so bad for sis and yet frustrated with her. Later...
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Ladee - sticking out her tongue... she's going to be a handful! If it's okay with you, can I have a bright or dark purple hard hat?
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Well, the illegals are revving up for a PARRRRTAY !!! I have police on speed dial!!!!! Will be out of my mind with peace and quite one of these days.... the house is a GO.... going out to look at it before work tomorrow evening.... see what all has to be done to get it moved..... and find a place to move it to.......

Daughter posted a sonogram of the baby on FB.... she is sticking her tongue out !!!!!!!! Already this little girl is struttin' the attitude...... can not wait to get my hands on this child.....

Nothing major going on at work.... have learned to just listen, sort of, when the daughter is off on a rant... as long as it's not directed toward me.... it's all good... As I have shared her before, ever since Cujo has been taken off the Seroquel, she is a different person...... but hey, what do I know, I only have 17 YEARS in this field....pbftttttt !!

Oh, and Book, you can get a pretty little PINK hard hat.....
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Glad - I didn't even catch that 'exception'... boy, that's like hitting a person who's already in the ground... insult to injury... etc... =)

Sunday. Back to doing chores, then maybe just have salami sandwich for breakfast.
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Well , I am back from my little adventure with my friend, and it was wonderful! We both got to get away a bit and reconnect with each other. And I hate to say it , but I watched mindless TV and really liked that too! In fact, I felt energized enough to go to Costco and wegmans with the folks and didn;t blow a fuse. I hate to go there on the weekend. They ate their way through and had a great time. I hope everyone here gets to have a little break also.
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Book, what I don't understand is why "except for oil and gas"? LOL!
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Book, I think you should be a 'rock splitter', they could give you a little bitty hammer, and you could just pound away, it would relieve stress, AND you would make money....but with the conditions that you only work 15 minutes at a time, 45 minute breaks..... and no supervision.
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{{chuckling}} I couldn't believe what the results were. I had to read that list 3 times to actually believe it applies to me. That is soooo prejudice! So, I want a job that doesn't deal with too much people (think sales person, secretary, receptionist, restaurant hostess). I want a job that doesn't require advancement (like enjoy data entry but do not want to progress up the ladder to a receptionist). I did answer the best that I can. V, you are soooo funny! I had to re-read your sentence before I understood what you meant. =)
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Must get some of those hamsters they are probably faster than our ISP. It slows down, freezes and throws us off, anything it can think of to allow more speed to the big (rich) industrial users.
Book get a length of metal pipe about a foot long just wide enough to fit over that short handle on dad's bed and that will give you more leverage and enough room for 2 pairs of hands if necessary. Home Depot should be able to cut you a length of iron pipe. don't get anything that might bend.
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Did you tell them you are 5 foot nothing and a good gust of wind would blow you over
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Hi Lav! That is great that you found a place. Ideal situation to me. That's what I would have love to do to!

I was suppose to research passive-aggressive and got distracted. I spent hours taking the Are You an Introvert? No matter how many different sites I tried, I am an introvert. Then, just now, I decided to try those aptitude test. Heck, it is 100% NOT what I want to do as a career option. Okay, so I have no ambition or dream job. But really???? Please see the results of the aptitude test....

Career Aptitude Test Results

The career types most closely related to your selected attributes are:
(click on any of the careers to get more information)

Helpers--Production Workers
Rock Splitters, Quarry
Rough Carpenters
Structural Iron and Steel Workers
Helpers--Installation, Maintenance, and Repair Workers
Wellhead Pumpers
Glass Blowers, Molders, Benders, and Finishers
Industrial Truck and Tractor Operators
Agricultural Technicians
Earth Drillers, Except Oil and Gas
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Good to see you Lav.... ya, sometimes no contact is the only way to get some peace.....Happy you are settled and enjoying your new home.... let us hear from you once in awhile.... we know you are on a different journey.... but love ya just the same.... lots of hugs
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LadeeM - Congrats on your new addition to your family. I see a lot of pink in her future. The new trailer sounds great too. I was trying to stay in touch with you all but busy busy busy. Take care of YOU!!!!
Everyone - I just got the internet back up. I am at my new digs. I am in the house next door to my Mom's. I have known the girl here for at least 30 years. She is very sweet. I have my own room and it is very comfortable. She I also a great cook. I am helping with bills and keep up of her house. It is weird being next door to the house. I had to keep from turning into the old driveway several times. I am now free of Bro. He texted me the other and told me to call him. I did not. He finally sent another text telling me happy birthday. I will not call him. Texting is it. I have great friends that have supported me through all this year. Including you guys. Please take care of YOU ALL.
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