This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Sigh... I won't be able to make it. Even if I ask for leave, it won't be possible. Both of my bosses will be off-island. I think they're going to New Zealand. Too bad it's not on 16th. I would have been able to go.. I think. I need to check my boss' trips.
This morning, another dead young cockroach on the spray line that I used for the ants. It's strange. All these years, when I would turn on the lights, I would see these giant healthy roaches. I rarely see the younger versions. Since I sprayed that line to stop the ants (not working by the way), I've been finding a lot of the younger roaches. Not teenagers but older than that. I have never known how infested our kitchen is - just by seeing all these younger roaches. I wonder if the younger roaches hide from the healthy robust adult roaches by scurrying on the floor. Whereas the robust adults FLY. Because it's all the younger ones that I see dying/dead. These younger roaches are not as scary looking as the robust ones. yuck!
Just a quick stop by since it's 8am. Still need give dad his egg and prepare his special drink of water, 2TBS honey and 2TBS of apple cider vinegar.
Google: "bank automated thanking machine"
The electric bed has this skinny bar with only 1" handle. That doesn't help much when you need to grasp it firmly to turn. 1" !!! The female home nurse is tall. So she cranks up the bed - like it's nothing. She didn't even put the bed back down to our level. When she left, dad was on my waist level. I tried to crank his bed down - and couldn't. Sis and I ended up doing it together and it was soooo difficult. And this is going down. So, the crank that we have is for raising the whole bed up or down if you're tall or short. It's not to raise or lower the head or the foot of the bed.
But, I think it does need that WD40 to make it easier for us to turn it.
Now, how to overcome the guilty feeling about leaving your current caregiving job. You do what most people do – write a letter of resignation. When I resigned from my previous job, I wrote a letter of resignation, thanking them for the opportunity with working for them but I am resigning. I also said that I would give them 2 weeks to find someone to replace me. If they do, I can help train them.
When I turned in my resignation, my former boss wanted me to work a month so that he can find a replacement. I refused. I applied for that job as an office worker. He wanted me to do the Yellowfin tuna cargo. Meet the fishing vessels at the port, make sure it’s transferred to the cargo trucks, drive down to the airlines’ cargo and make sure it goes off smoothly. If the tuna box breaks in the airline’s hold, I would have to help repack it –since that’s not the airlines’ responsibility. I Refused. And therefore my boss proceeded to humiliate me in front of my coworkers. They were shocked that he did that. I was soooo humiliated. But like every abused person has learned, you don’t show it. Instead, the next day, I turned in my resignation and Refused to give him the extra 2 weeks to find and train my replacement. So, to help alleviate the guilt, give them 2 weeks to find your replacement.
Red - my dad has a electrical bed. To crank it, oldest sis and I Struggle to even turn the handle. We can barely make it move and we'd be sweating and huffing and puffing. And the rod keeps slipping out of that tiny hole in the bed. They really need to improve on these beds. Add on the side a cranker that is attached to the bed.
Discussion of caregivers that work for private clients.
This makes me feel guilty and as becoming a disappointment to those I have cared for. Please if anyone has any ideas of how to let go and not feel like you have left someone to find someone else to take over.
Had to share with those I love and care about on AC..... I do not feel in any way I deserve this....... but gratitude does not even cover what I am feeling right now...... Think it's time for a chocolate binge.... just too much good news all in one day for this old woman.....