This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
https://www.agingcare.com/ContactUs.aspx
Geesh, this has been by far the most frustrating thing in my life. How can I get that question erased. I have asked a few people that I know are outstanding to help and write a public comment to these people. Caregivers have enough stress. Who in the world has enough time to write derogatory comments about others.
e a sympathy card and a plaster dish with jazzy's name and paw prints on it. I cried and cried. It was such a nice thing to do and was totally unexpected. They also sent meo an angel cat pin. I think of ya'll a lot and hope you all take care.
Red - good to see you here. Take care of you.
I bought the ant spray because it was cheapest cost. I just looked at the label on it. Kills on Contact. Keeps killing up to 6 weeks (!!!) , unscented. So, that's why the roaches are dying in the area where I had sprayed from sliding door to kitchen/livingroom door. Yes, we do have a home-made door between our kitchen and the livingroom withi locks on both sides on the top, middle and bottom. This was done when mom became violent. We had to close off the kitchen because of the gas stove and knives and we couldn't secure the sliding door so that she couldn't wander out at midnight. So, the solution was to put a door between the livingroom and the kitchen.
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A nice story - the elderly are beautiful.
When we get older we think differently, don't we?
This letter was sent to the Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.
An elderly lady who won a radio at the luncheon was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind, especially if you are familiar with the Elderly.
Smile it's a beautiful day!
Dear Kean Elementary,
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon.
I am 84 years old and live at the Springer Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio. Before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.
The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched me and I knew this was God's way of answering my prayers. She asked if she could listen to min, and I told her to kiss my a**.
Thank you for that opportunity.
Sincerely,
Agnes
Hi Austin! I hope you had a good time despite the terrible weather there.
It's 7am. I needed to drink water. Walked into the kitchen, scouted the walls and floor for roaches. Nothing. Will open the back door to air out the stuffy kitchen. Checked for roaches on the door knob. (Ugh! I once GRABBED a roach hiding behind the knob.) Nothing. Great. Turned towards the fridge and froze. An upside down roach, kicking. Uhm... I did NOT spray any roaches lastnight. Nor did I spray the room. This is the SECOND upside down roach in a week (that I did Not spray.) Something in our kitchen is affecting these roaches. For a while this was happening in our restroom. Now we rarely have roaches in the bathroom. They seem to die on their own without any help from me. sigh.. chemical in the air that I cannot smell?
You are in an abusive relationship you don't need to be married to someone for that to be the case. As CM says you are not causing your fathers disfunction. From what you say I don't feel that his behaviour is due to dementia, I see him as mentally ill and urgently needing treatment for that. I have seen others diagnosed with bipolar behave in much the same way and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change the behaviour.
I appreciate that you have just had a proceedure and were still feeling the effects of that but what happened had nothing to do with it. You were quite right to get out of the car and it is no surprise he left you alone. Nor is it a surprise you found him packing when you got home. he would not have come back for you. you are adults and could have called a cab would be his reasoning. It was all about him and the way he was feeling at the time which was totally unloved, unappreciated and angry that he had had to spend the better part of the day sitting in a hospital waiting room while you got all the attention. With the mentally ill they are always #1. their pain is always the most intense, when you are getting the flu they head for bed first if you are stupid enough to mention you don't feel well and expect to be waited on even if your temp is 104 and they just sneezed a couple of times. They way he was feeling at that moment he had to run away, all he wanted to do way be alone and find some peace. i don't know what he would have done, maybe gone back to Ohio or to a motel for a couple of days while he licked his wounds. He really can't help it it is part of the disease, he feels just as terrible on the inside as he makes you feel. Now that is not an excuse for bad behaviour nor should you tolerate it. but once you know how whatever is wrong with him 'works' you have to keep one step ahead like you have to with a hyperactive child. Anticipate what their next action will be and take steps to head it off at the pass. Confrontation never works. On the other side of the coin he would be totally devastated if anything happened to any of his family and have a very hard time dealing with that. he does not sound like a narcisistic man every if he has always been unpleasanr to those nearest and dearest. I am also going to guess when strangers are around he is the most pleasant person you could wish to meet. Your mother has always been the doormat so off course she sees anything you do to avoid his bad behaviour as confrontation. This is not a situation you are equiped to deal with at all unless you happen to be a psychiatrist in your spare time. I hope I have not upset you but I have to write it as I see it. Blessings
Sending prayers for a great and speedy outcome for you and your son....You have our support to not be abused, for any reason, by anyone..
YOU ARE IN NO WAY TO BLAME FOR YOUR FATHER'S ATROCIOUS BEHAVIOUR.
I hope the family does wake up to reality and come to your aid very soon. God bless you x
Who does the car belong to? If it is yours don't allow him to drive it.
Go to social services, Catholic Charities or any other service in your area where you can talk to a social worker. Ask for their advice on what your options are. He has already used physical force on you and it can only escalate from here. He needs a psychological evaluation and if necessary medication to moderate his behavior. What does your mother want to happen. If she wants to be with him then they must go to some kind of assisted living situation.
Do you have any siblings who could intervene.
If he owns the car give him the keys and let him pack up but tell him in no uncertain terms that he will not be allowed to return to the house. if he tries to get in call the police and have him removed. he will probably get so mad that they will take him to the ER for an evaluation. Once there you can tell them you are no longer able to care for him and will not allow him to return to your home. he has already demonstrated violence against you and you are fearful for the safety of your young child.
Hard as it may be you do need to act now before it gets worse. Blessings
Sad thing is, I am still here. There to take care of them.