This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
It used to be a dream of mine to have something I could travel around in, go visit some of you and help out, give ya some respite.... didn't know my own caregiving would suck the life and spontaneity right out of me....
Was thinking about this this morning.... how old I feel... the constant negative environment, the stress,the resentment over such low wages..... and here I set, doing nothing to change my situation..... and the truth be known.... my loyalty is all one sided..... only two families do I still stay in contact with... one of the daughters I am very close to.....so am going to have to really take a good look at this.... what? I am still going to be bitching about this a year from now, because I have fear of finanacilly being able to live.....staying in a miserable comfort zone.... what the hell is wrong with me..... it is up to ME to change this..... what am I waiting for???? I make myself so tired....back and forth, back and forth...... something has happened to my faith in all of this... my brain is so clouded with fatigue and depression. I used to live my life on taking risks, what I called, " letting go of the rope'.... and knowing I would land on my feet.... where did all this fear come in???? Need to get committed to finding my answers, I am wasting precious time.....ahhh, pay not attention to me, just searching for my own answers.... love and hugs to all of you...
There should be a way to report it as a phishing scam through your e-mail provider.
Good to see you Ladee C ! I missed ya !!
Didn't have to hurt anyone last night... but after the daughter sucked all the air out of the room telling me how Cujo hasn't slept in three night.... and on and on that I wasn't listening to..... oh, and she was so solicitous to my poor aching back while she had an audience.... I didn't realize I was holding my breath until she left and let out a deep sigh.... woman makes my head hurt....
Cujo slept fine..... she did get up at 4:30 needing to make plans for Thanksgiving.....!!! finally told her maybe she could just say a prayer of Thanksgiving since it was so early in the morning, and she could make her plans later..... she did say a prayer..... a long one....but went back to bed and was still asleep when I left this morning....
Daughter did tell me to call her if someone fell, and to not pick up anyone..... I just blinked at her really slowly.... ya know, because I am sooo Tooopid !!!
Are some of you thinking how grateful you are that I am not YOUR paid caregiver !!!!!! LOL
Slept as long as I could... need to get ready to go make the big bucks...
Love, hugs, prayers and chocolate to all of you !!!!
The other
LadeeC
DH. Hospice is giving you all the right advice. Give him all the morphine he needs and don't worry about the whisky What is the worse that can happen? As long as he is comfortable and free of anxiety that is all that matters. At this stage he probably will need the Prednisone for the duration the only problem with tat is it gives viscious indigestion. You are in a good place and hospice nurse is on the ball. Dad's happy you can't ask for anything more. Doing things that are "good" for him stopped a long time ago. Blessings
Ya, think I will start using the pillow more often....feels more like 'normal' hurting today, not 'I can't set' hurting.... why do we just not take care of our self??? oh well, the daughter can get her panties out of knot, I'll go to work tonight.... wish we had a puking emoticon !!!! Love and hugs and thanks for the feedback.....
There were times, when she called me on Saturday morning, to tell me that she couldn't make it. But, she had found someone to cover for her. I hated this too, because this was accepting a total stranger last minute - into our home.
Did I expect her to find a replacement for her when she couldn't make it? No. But I did want her to tell me the earliest possible if she could not - and not call me on the day she was suppose to show up.
And i'll hold off on getting like Tex with the pain meds..... I'm not a nurse, so I know better !!! See Tex, I told you nurses were the worst patients... my best friend down home is a nurse...it amazes me the things she would do and have a fit if a patient did the same thing.....
Granddaughter has left already... she let me know she didn't like my job, we hardly got to see each other..... but had fun what time I did get to spend with her.... has lightened my mood considerably.....
Already doing the pillow under the legs.... and just trying to rest as much as I can..... already have major back problems and just the way I bent down and stood back up, threw something into limbo..... just one of those random things that our bodies do to let us know... ENOUGH ALREADY, take a break.....
And wish I did have some chocolate...... ya know. lady of leisure, laying in bed eating bon bons....... pfttttttt !!!!!
Hugs to you all..... going back to bed.....
In your shoes you are quite right to be pissed. It is not as though you wanted the night off to go out on the town. You are sick, injured, whatever you hurt she is responsible for her parents welfare not you. she should have plans for such an emergency. She is going to have to suck it up tonight and get someone from an agency tomorrow because you WON'T be back till next Sunday at the earliest. a pillow under the knees is a good idea as long as you are moving those legs the last thing we want to hear is a DVT. I'd pop over and give you some TLC but you will be better before I can drive there, probably take me three days.
This is my honest feed back you are right and your current employer has just lost your loyalty. Now rest and take your hydrocodone and don't forget some senna with that. You know what Tex did to herself. Don't fall asleep with a ciggy in your hand - don't want to BBQ the cat. You will get through this you always do. Trouble is no one appreciates the good ones. Hugs and love your way old friend and one of those huge chocolate bunnys.
When I joined my gym last fall I specifically asked the trainer to give me weight lifting exercises as I knew I was going to assist my parents and didn't want to injure my back. Now that mom has died and dad in assisted living I can go back to the gym and start again ( and keep on working on those core muscles).
I have a question for everyone....and please be honest..
In some random accident yesterday, I hurt my back...can't sit for any length of time... or stand and can barely walk... have been treating it with Theragisic and taking hydrocodone..... I am in pain... a lot of pain....
I called the daughter to tell her I can't come in tonight, and told her why...keep in mind I have worked here for over six months....never late. always work my full 12 hour shift, have worked extra when she has called me.
She got so angry.... I already am feeling guilty because I know it was her weekend with them....asked me if I had called the girl that works on Fri. nights, told her yes, but no reply yet.... she asked if I would call her again... by this time I am getting angry myself.... not my damned job to get someone to fill in.... something I have ASKED FOR since I started working there....told her no, I haven't.....
I get it that she is tired, but she loves playing the martyr when it makes her look good.... so my question is... those of you who have hired help... would you have taken one second to reassure the paid caregiver it wasn't her you were upset with..... ya know, the hard to find, dedicated, experienced caregiver that you are barely paying above minimum wage??????
I have never called in sick before..... I do my job... ect.... and yes, If I wasn't feeling bad myself I wouldn't have taken it personal.....but I did..... I have told ya'll a million times, the reason I am so burned out is not because of my clients, but the damned families.....
I would appreciate honest feedback... and keep in mind I gave her plenty of time to find someone else..... it's not like I called ten minutes before I was due at work....she is off for the whole summer... It's not like she has to work tomorrow......and it's NOT my family !!!!!
As you can see, I am pissed.... but ya know what.... I'm taking the damned night off because I am in PAIN....no job is worth causing even more damage to an already messed up back from being LOYAL !!!!