This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Now if a boy student decides he wants to be a girl he can start using the girls restroom at school and they can't stop him because it would infringe on his/her rights...it's getting crazier all the time.
Let me know if today is the day.. will answer your question about Stu and Gene on here later...... sending you hugs....
Thanks for the hugs Book... I always appreciate hugs from you..... and backatcha....
Moral of the story? Don't hire any caregiver to live in your home without checking what your local/state law says about this. Similar to that stupid Squatter's Rights. A man was deployed by the military for several months. When he returned, the person he asked to keep an eye on his house - had moved in. The so-called friend refused to leave. He called the police, nothing they can do. Squatter's Rights. The same happened to a family who came to their summer vacation home and found vagrants had moved in. Can you believe that they cannot call the police to kick them out???? I erased twice the sentence on what I thought about THAT.
Judda - that is the same with our cockroaches. I swear, I killed the darn cockroach with a smack. And when I pick up the object, the roach is on it's back or squashed to the floor - Not Moving. I use the object to move the roach. NO Movement. Okay, the roach is dead. I leave and come back with the broom and tall dustpan. The roach is gone!!!! Ours plays dead. When the coast is clear, it gets up and runs. I hate those bugs!!!!
Lav, I'd keep the money. I'd photocopy it, and the deposit slip - and then don't touch it. When all the dust have been settled, and all of your mom's bills have stopped coming in, and you still have left over money, then I'll keep it. Some of my mom's bills came in after she died.
I was living in Florida and it was the first time I saw it's most despised bug. Man was that thing BIG!. I a panic I grabbed a thick phonebook and slammed it on top of the insect. Then I jumped up and down on top of the phonebook. Well, that oughta do it, I remember thinking. I picked up the phone book and the darned thing scurried away as if nothing happened!
The other incident was also in Florida. I was studying music in college there. The class was introduction to band. Each student had to learn how to basically play a different instrument. I was handed a tuba. I knew nothing about reed or brass instruments and this "teacher" was really a nightclub musician, not a teacher at all. After struggling to get even a note out the teacher was mad at me, yanked the tuba out of my arms, turned it upside down to empty out my wasted saliva. A BIG palmetto cockroach came out and scurried across the floor. Everyone shrieked except the teacher.
Ash - Boy, your father knew your mom well. He sounds like he was a saint. You are a good daughter taking care of your Mom like this. Please do not forgtet to take care of YOU!!!
Nursebecky - Oh yeah, that kind of behavior is quite normal. Mom kicked me out so many times I can't count. I would have a little suitcase all ready and when it was REALLY bad I would say goodbye and leave. I would be gone for about a half hour and she would call and apologize. I came back and the next day all would be forgotten. My suitcase was in plain site all the time in the house. It is still hard though. Take care of YOU!!!!
Book - You have just given me another use for my chopsticks. I could just picture this in my mind. YUK!! SDo Do they have wing here? They sure do here and they are huge. One time I went outside and there was one on my shoulder. GROSS. Is there a place where you can hide food for you.. I know someone that finally had to get a small refrig that she kept in her closet since she does the same thing to you. Take care of you!!!
LadeeM- Hey there girl. Take care of YOU!!!!
Well, banner day at my house. Bro was supposed to bring someone to help him clean out the attic. The other guy did not show up. He went up there and I caugt things that he threw down. The stuff was so old that is was falling apart. Weird stuff too!! Appartently, old dolls that looked a lot like Chucky from the horror movies. My high school diploma and all kind of stuff. I found a Time magazine when John Lennon died. It is in good shape and I am going to look on craigslist. Bro found an old train set from the 50's in really good shape. He yelled and screamed at me for not having the house in perfect shape for when he came. His wife also joined in on the yelling. I kept telling them to leave under my breath. Because it has been almost six months since mom passed he expected everything to be done. Maybe it should have been but it wasn't. He has no idea what I was going though at the time and does not care. I was going through so many emotions it was so hard. Also, when Katrina hit we had damage to the roof. We had someone to come out and work on it. We thought that he did the job but it really was not finished. When mom and I realized what happened we went to the business office and it was locked and chained. They took off with everybody's money. That happened a lot back then. Well anyway we had someone for the insurance company come out and made a claim. Well, there was a check for the repair in the mail. It was for a good amount. What a nice surprise!!!!! I am thinking about not telling bro about it and taking all the money. I really am!!!! That will teach the bully!! You all take care of YOU!!!!!
Your mother is unbelievable Tex. I very much doubt she was ordering flowers or a nice box of chocolate covered strawberrys. Do you have POA for Mom? if so i would cancell her checking account and open a new one for her then not let her have the check book or know the account number. She has to go through you if she wants to order something. Now try and relax it won't be that bad. Hugs
Hope you don't stroke out before you ever get your surgery done..... can they keep you for an extra day????? And being a nurse doesn't keep you from having anxiety about surgery.... it's the human condition....our 'humaness' doesn't care what we do for a living...... I know you will be so glad when this is behind you so you then just be crazy because you are a caregiver.... hugs and prayers for you!!!! Why isn't your mom like all the others, looses her purse and forgot where she put it...... damn.....