This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I just found out today that the reason my dad's catheter came out was because my 20 year old niece and her bf were the ones who transferred grandpa back into the bed. The nurse had transferred him to the wheelchair and left. When my dad wanted to go back to the bed, it was only those 2. Bf is tall and thin. Take into account my dad's catheter is attached to his right leg, down his long slacks.. and I'm sure one of them accidentally stepped on or tangled with the urine bag. Today, the nurse came and again transferred dad to the wheelchair. My niece learned her lesson. She text me that he's on the wheelchair, the nurse is gone and grandpa wants to go back on the bed. While fave sis text her daughter to NOT move grandpa, I texted to SIL, and her 2 grown boys (live right next door) that they need help transferring him back on the bed.
When I got home, I asked niece who helped him back to the bed. She rolled her eyes and said, "There were too many cooks in the kitchen." I asked, "Huh?" And she said that uncle, aunty (bro and SIL) and their oldest boy (over 30 yrs old) were all trying to get him on the bed but they all had different ideas on HOW to do it. Niece (studying to be a nurse) rolled her eyes and said, "All we needed was one more person to just handle the urine bag while the 2 of us transferred grandpa back on the bed." {{chuckling}} Niece does hands-on nursing work at the Nursing Home.
Anyway, have you checked this website? I found it very interesting on the different types of vision problems. It shows side-by-side the good vision and the problem vision. If the link below is gone, google "Types of Vision Problems" and it's under the health ny gov website.
https://www.health.ny.gov/diseases/conditions/vision_and_eye_health/types_of_vision_problems.htm
Well it's 4:48 am and that's how I anticipate my day to go..
Nennie - Thank goodness you have your husband to help you. I eat because of stress too. I like kettle corn popcorn because it is kinda sweet so you get salt thrown in there too.
LadeeM - You poor thing I am in awe of you. It seems that you are getting better at detaching from cujo. I don't know how you do it. Please take care of YOU!!!!
Well, I am just laughing my butt off. The real estate agent needed something from me. So I had to get the info and call him. He told me that the date is not set in stone yet. Something to do with the Title. I swear, bro thinks he is so smart. He isn't. He does not know what he is talking about. What really upset me about everything going on was that I will have to put up with bro through October. I just wanted to walk away from him. I think the real estate knows what is going on but is keeping his mouth shut. Bro has told him everything about me. Such as: my depression, job situation and that I am in recovery. I really am getting sick of all this. I did have a great talk with my cousin earlier. She is wonderful and was close to my mom also. She always makes me feel better. She cant stand bro. Thank you again for letting my rant. Now I am off to take a bath and go to bed. Take care of YOU ALL!!!
I know what you mean about smoking i hat it too but it is very difficult to give up but she is spending a lot of money which could be used for other things. If she is outside smoking go out and sit with her so you can stop her falling is she seizes. as she is diabetic the seizures are probably linked to low blood sugar in the evening. So make sure she tests in the early evening and eats something if she is low. there is usually a nurse in diabetic clinics who can advise you about this. If not see if you can talk to a nurse in your public health dept or her own Dr.
I don't know how much actual care MIL needs but it sounds as though your anxiety is at least partly responsible for your tiredness. Settle her comfortably for the evening and give her a bell to call you if she feels unwell them spend your evenings with hubby. Explain to her that you need to do this at least some eveinings. is there someone who could stay with her for the ocassional evening or week end so you and hubby can have some time away.
Veronica - Yes, I am on medication for depression. I have always had trouble with crying jags. My therapist knows of this problem and is trying to help me with it. Even my employment specialist knows about it and we are working on it. I was really feeling sorry for myself. Needless, to say it is time for me to be responsible. Like in grow up. Oh well, there is nothing I can do except to go forward VERY FAST!!!!
Anyway, things are getting better. Instead of moving into an apartment I will be moving into a extended stay hotel. The cost is not that bad and I will not have to worry about getting the lights turned on or cable. The room comes with a kitchen, tv with cable TV with free wifi. this is going to be unreal. The place where I will be living is right across the street from the storage place. I will be able to get anything I need right there. Thank you all for your posts. Take care of Ya'll.
She is a smoker but thankfully is slowing down. She tends to have her seizures in the evenings and luckily I can be in another room until 4pm but I don't know how long that is going to last.
She has a seizure the other night outside. I hate cigerettes but have to endure the smell because if she does have a seizure outside she will drop to the concrete. Luckily I caught her and was able to carry her inside.
She had a seizure inside a store once and I swear the entire staff came over!
The worst was last night, while in a seizure sometimes she talks to me, to time she wanted me to come closer, unfortunately I did, she grabbed my hair and shoulder with such a force pushing me into her face, I couldn't get her to let go, I was so afraid. I thought I might hit her to get her to let go but I could never do that and the thought that it crossed my mind terrifies me. She took a chunk of my hair out! I had to go in the other room and cry. I called my husband and he came right home, she soothed me and drew me a bubble bath so I could distress while he sat with his mother. I am very fortunate to have him.
Food helps me distress unfortunately because her medication is expensive we have a tight budget so popcorn seems to be my only friend and I'm out.....
There isn't much relief even when I'm in another room I am constantly listening, going out every little bit to see how she is doing, offering the play games with her or go on a walk, she hates walks, but she takes one every day gearing up for two!
When I sit with her at night any twitch of her fingers and I'm looking at her.
Puppy and kitten videos help lol.
When she goes to bed is the only time to get to spend with my husband but I am so tired....I try to stay up for him.....I try so hard.......
turn your hand on its side, thumb uppermost
loosely curl your index finger
gently uppercut the person's chin, applying the second and third knuckles of your finger, ideally making clucking noises at the same time
If the person is over the age of three, that should irritate the heck out of them nicely...
idioms.thefreedictionary/chuck+under+the+chin
to tap someone, as a child, lightly under the chin, as a sign of affection. He said hello to little Mary and chucked her under the chin. Please don't chuck me under ...