This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Ref your getting out the cave mission, here is what you need to do: look around for people or a cause that sparks off all of that energy and, yes, constructive anger you have. Not Alzheimer's, not yet; but what about some other kind of advocacy?
Yes you are a strong person, my goodness you are, but even strong people have to rest. Take your time, then get out there - people like you are very much needed. Keep in touch! Big hug.
This so-called 'journey'...the journey from h*ll as far as I'm concerned...has scarred me for life. There's so much pain and anger associated with that whole time for me. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get over it. I have a fear of alz that's ungodly. Every single time I have a brain fart, I wonder if I'm next. I'll kill myself before it gets too bad if I ever get diagnosed with it.
Being housebound with my mom for so many years and pretty much living under a rock has done a number on me on so many levels. I went into this one person with one mentality and came out another person with an entirely different mentality. I'm still struggling with that every single day. You guys know, when you care for an alz patient, especially single handedly without much help, it becomes your world and you're up to your eyeballs in it, being slowly but surely consumed by it. It happens so slowly that you don't even realize that it's happening until one day you wake up and wonder how in the hell you ended up there.
No, I'm not out in the world yet. I should be. I need to be. But I feel so much ungodly fear it's beyond belief. I'm not even sure in my own mind where all that fear comes from.
I feel worn out and weary, tired and still so exhausted. My sleep patterns are still out of whack 6 months after my mom's death. I still have dreams and nightmares about the whole alz thing. **shudder**
I've holed up in my house like a bear in a cave. I know I have to break these chains holding me, but sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have enough strength. I've always been strong, really strong, but it's like all those years with my mom sapped my strength down to nothing. All those years, being forced to suppress my own wants and needs took energy. Caring for my mom around the clock for endless years took energy. H*ll, just getting up in the morning, knowing what I would have to face and witness, took energy. I'm sucked dry and simply feel grateful that I can rest when I need to.
It was a long, hard, uphill WAR, taking care of my mom. Alz is an assault not just on the victim, but on those that care for them and have to witness it and deal with it with them, on so many countless levels.
I associate humanity in general with so much pain that at this moment I can't imagine ever having anything to do with people again on any intimate level. It just hurts too damn much for so many reasons and I don't want even one more drop of pain in my already overflowing bucket.
I know I'll be alright. Sooner or later.
I hope you guys are well and staying strong, and especially, getting all the help you require and during this journey, you'll require a lot of it.
I wish all of you guys all the best in the world. Take care.
You are the least favorite child so your control is one thing she does not want to loose.
If you don't care if she is mean anymore what is she going to do? She has always been mean and ungrateful so expect stories of mistreatment every time you visit. You are expected to be upset and react. so react tell her you will deal with that mean person. Ask where you can find the meanie then storm out of her room saying you will certainly make sure she is never mean to her again. then spend five minutes outside breathing fresh air and go back and assure her how upset you are and you understand how mean that person was as she was rude to you too. A little theatre will satisfy her, the reins still are firmly in her hands which means her lifeline is still intact. She is probably regreting going to a N/H. When she told you what she wanted she probably had something else totally in mind like taking over the master bedroom. But in her confused brain she was in the N/H before she had chance to regroup. she will be fine you certainly have nothing to feel guilty about. Don't visit too much till she gets settled and into the routine.
You can always move to Tex... we have all sorts of weather, summers are brutal tho....so keep your Co. home for the summers !!!!!
Wanting - I was telling the bank teller about my plans to eat at Chili. She recommended to me Not to eat the 'local' dishes. That Chili is known for their Mexican dishes - and to stick to those. She then said that she likes to eat their eggrolls and .. chicken something. Hopefully I will know what that 'chicken' something is tomorrow.
bookluvr, Chili's is very good. I am in love with their grilled chicken sandwich and the guys at word love the burger bites.
Yesterday, when I came home at 330pm, oldest sis had actually washed all the dishes, emptied the strainer, - basically cleaned the kitchen sink, and unclogged it. I was shocked.
I have always been the one she wishes she didn't have. She's as much as told me all my life that she would have given anything if she had stopped having kids before I came along. She can't bear living with me. She would prefer living in a nursing home over my three bedroom ranch. I've never done a thing to satisfy her I don't know why I thought now would be any different.
Time to do the laundry, scrub the shower (with a long handle rectangle broom), etc.. And take that Raid spray and spray the outside of the bedrooms. Tomorrow, I will go to Home Depot and find a better ant killer for the outside perimeter - than plain old Raid. These ants are now everywhere. Dad says that they're now trying to go in his ears. So, lastnight, he stuffed cotton balls in his ears. Definitely time to be pro-active against these ants.
Oh sure.... Sharyn, if this doesn't work out I can always be the Sib Bounty Hunter !!!!! I can be scary sometimes.... so I might have to add this to my bucket list..... lol
Guess I need to get more info as to where I might be living...... blink blink, ya think....
Funny about the snow, one of the things Mom told hubby before he moved here nine years ago was that, yes it snows, but it is gone the next day. On their wedding day in 2006, a major storm came in, some guests were not able to get there, because of road closures. I would have been one of them if I had not left the night before! LOL!
He still teases her about that, but now she has no idea what he is talking about.
glad I saw the pics..... it was accumulated !!!! Keep in mind we have very mild winters.... last year was the coldest we had had in many years...... and who knows where God is going to plant me next.... it might be in the snow... who knows.....lol