This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Deeann - Our mothers know how to push our buttons. I know mine did. Taking care people you have had no prior relationship with is totally different. It is easier to detach. This website is the best thing in the world. Please keep coming back. Take care of YOU!!!!.
Hi everyone - I had busy day. I went to a job fair and applied for a job. We had to take a math test. With NO CALCULATER!!! Lots of percentages. I got 10 out of 16. The interview went well. I feel very hopeful but I am trying not to get to excited. Looking for a job is very time consuming. Looking on line is hard. Then there are the cover letters and resume to send. I also found out that some of these places give out your information to other websites. I have been deleting all kinds of emails. Jeez!!! A lot of jobsites out there.
Still doing dishes in the bathroom sink but now I have it down to a science. I am so lucky there are two bathrooms. One is for washing the dishes and the other is for washing me. LOL I have not had to talk to bro in a couple of days. The last time he called I took my time calling him back. Of course, he asked me what I was doing all that time. I told him that I was busy washing dishes in the bathroom sink and looking for a job. LOL He was quiet after that. Yea for me. Well, anyway you all please take care of YOU!!!!
I have been absent for a few days, but reading... have had a sinus headache, the kind that makes you puke. and still had to work..... so now I have my time off and can get caught up....
No Book, still a little standing water in the sink.... but didn't feel like plunging gunk !!! slept all day first day off so will get to it tomorrow... and ya, when it rain it pours....... one thing after the other....
MrM had a fall in the bathroom last night.... bumped his head..... no injury, scared him more than anything..... and it totally pisses him off that I am able to lift him off the floor.... don't know why it makes him so angry...... he is really hanging on to his 'manhood' lately.... he is 94 and all he talks about is the Army.... he was never in combat, but to hear him tell it... he saved 'Murica !!!! And Cujo was at her worst last night until I snapped back at her...... sorry folks, I don't get paid enough for verbal abuse...... she always mellows out ... so it was all good..
My body was screaming by the time I left... felt like I was walking like the TinMan.... forgot my meds at home..... looooooong night..... more later when I have a working brain cell.... hugs and love.
It is going to be 95° here today. What is it like in your neck of the woods?
Hi DeeAnn, Welcome to AC (agingcare). All the above is true. When you're at work, the clients don't have the deep emotional strings that you have with family. You're able to be detached or objective - understanding that it's the disease. But when it comes to family, we keep forgetting that, and still expect them to behave lik e their normal selves. We're strongly encouraged to Detach and set Boundaries.
For any of you have Amazon kindles, I just noticed today when I was playing my musics, that the songs now have captions? You can sing along while the song is playing. As I was marveling over this, it finally registered to me the words on the song Brave by Sara Baraeilles.
Do vent - it really helps. Hugs to you x
Realy i know why but i am frustrated i can not get a handle on it. I just needed to vent and support thank you
I think God is telling me to let Him be in the drivers seat. Things haven't gotten any better. Our television went out Tues. evening. I held my hands up in the air and said..."I give". Taking it a day at a time and hoping nothing happens "any" day. My husbands lifelong friend came to visit, and made the statement, "you know the damage the electricity did the outside of your body, think what it's done to the inside....", it made me soooo sad to think about it. Everyone tells him "Boy, You're luckly to be alive"...he says...yeah I guess.
I'm so very sad that this is the beginning of the end. I try to keep my spirits up in order to spend quality time with him, but it's so difficult to do. I don't want to be sad around him, but my heart is heavy with sorrow. God please help me.
What mom did was she made the food bland, but she would make this side dipping dish made of soy sauce, lemon, onions and red hot pepper. We would take the meat and dip it into our dipping bowl. And that's what gave taste to an otherwise bland food. I make eggs with as little olive oil as possible. I don't even sprinkle it with salt at all. But I'm not much of a cook so I have such limited advice on what to cook for his health.
Blessing No3 is that he has had all these blockages for a very long time. Blessing No 4 is that you are a very strong woman even if you don't feel that way right now. You and hubby have weathered many storms together and will continue to do so together as long as our Lord as he does for all of us leaves you both on this earth.
try and take each day one at a time and do what you can. don't fret about low salt cooking it really is quite simple. Do not use much salt in cooking and don't add exta at the table. Stay away from take out and frozen meals. plenty of fresh fruits and veg, that is really all there is to it. Can you manage that. It is OK to cheat oceassionally like a pizza once a month. things like ketchup are loaded with salt so only use a tiny bit. Take each day one at a time and make sure you legal matters are in order and that both of you know the others wishes as far as health directives are concerned, You have been a team for 42 years so keep working together. It won't be easy but you can do it. blessings
Time bomb. The week of heart cath, microwave died, heart cath was done with not so good results, I fell in the hallway at the hospital taking a nose dive tripping with the toe of my shoe, falling flat on my face..///..--- going down like a board with nothing to break my fall, teeth hit the floor. That was Fri....Sat we tried to rest. Sun. morning my son called telling his (4 hrs away) Dad, John (our 2 1/2 yr old Grandson)can't get up, he won't get up, we don't know what's wrong.!!!!! I've got to go, the ambulance is here. I SCREAMED OUT LOUD...GOD PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY BABY FROM ME ..PLEASSSEE. Put my face in my pillow and cried and cried. Husb called oldest daughter who was there at the time to find out what happened. John was standing on the computer chair (he knows he shouldn't have been doing it) as it turned, he did a scorpion fall. His chest and arms hit the floor first, legs came up and behind his head. X rays resulted in a break above the elbow and this happens to the most first broken bone in kids. My God what a relief that was. Arm is in a sling and doing better .I'm having to start cooking all over again with low sodium ingredients, last night...our television went out.
I know two of the things I mentioned are important and the others can be fixed.
But I'm emotionally drained, worried about my husband, searching for low sodium recipes and having physical therapy with spinal decompression due to all the damage I've had in my back.. I'm worn out and have no energy for anything. Unable to do housework, really don't care to. The best part of all this, Husb seems to be in a better mood since being "diagnosed", does that make sense? At least he knows what he's dealing with, is that it?
I need prayers our way. I'm afraid I'll give up after he goes, my health isn't good but nothing that would cause a threat to death.
Thank You everyone if you've read this post. I'm sorry it's so long.
Not irrelevant, or unwanted...thank you for your comments. I have gotten some good advice here. I just sent them outside, escorted right to the chair, and will go back and get them back in again in a minute. Peace for me for a few minutes, warm enough for them, it is 95 degrees out there. They are 'freezing' in here, even though I have the ac down to 80 inside. Which is way too warm for me. They have warm clothes and will just have to live with it, that is my line in the sand, I can't live in a hot house.
Anyway, have a peaceful evening
Christine
While my mother was in the NH I found out people staying in the NH could leave for the day with a family member, think they called it an outing. I was able to sign her out and take her home with me but had to get her back to the NH before night time for her medicines.
Something to think about and consider if and when you start to consider a facility for your in-laws. If available at NH you are considering, say an outing once every other month or so...your schedule your decision just talking out loud here not knowing situation. I'm going to shut up now.
from what you have told us it sounds as though it is time for a psych facility. it does not have to be permanent but he does need acute treatment right now by experts. if they can stabilize him it may be possible to return him to a different facility.
Please take care of yourself that is job 1 you are no good to your husband if your are not fit. When what you are doing becomes more painful than what you need to do you will make the change. Blessings