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Maure - Yes, keep your hopes up. I use something when I get real down. The "footprints in the sand". When I read that I know that God is there me and is carrying me through the darkest times. Please take care of YOU!!!!
Deeann - Our mothers know how to push our buttons. I know mine did. Taking care people you have had no prior relationship with is totally different. It is easier to detach. This website is the best thing in the world. Please keep coming back. Take care of YOU!!!!.
Hi everyone - I had busy day. I went to a job fair and applied for a job. We had to take a math test. With NO CALCULATER!!! Lots of percentages. I got 10 out of 16. The interview went well. I feel very hopeful but I am trying not to get to excited. Looking for a job is very time consuming. Looking on line is hard. Then there are the cover letters and resume to send. I also found out that some of these places give out your information to other websites. I have been deleting all kinds of emails. Jeez!!! A lot of jobsites out there.
Still doing dishes in the bathroom sink but now I have it down to a science. I am so lucky there are two bathrooms. One is for washing the dishes and the other is for washing me. LOL I have not had to talk to bro in a couple of days. The last time he called I took my time calling him back. Of course, he asked me what I was doing all that time. I told him that I was busy washing dishes in the bathroom sink and looking for a job. LOL He was quiet after that. Yea for me. Well, anyway you all please take care of YOU!!!!
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Pamme.... congratulations on being tumor free for two years now... what a horrendous experience you had... lots of prayers for continued good health....

I have been absent for a few days, but reading... have had a sinus headache, the kind that makes you puke. and still had to work..... so now I have my time off and can get caught up....

No Book, still a little standing water in the sink.... but didn't feel like plunging gunk !!! slept all day first day off so will get to it tomorrow... and ya, when it rain it pours....... one thing after the other....

MrM had a fall in the bathroom last night.... bumped his head..... no injury, scared him more than anything..... and it totally pisses him off that I am able to lift him off the floor.... don't know why it makes him so angry...... he is really hanging on to his 'manhood' lately.... he is 94 and all he talks about is the Army.... he was never in combat, but to hear him tell it... he saved 'Murica !!!! And Cujo was at her worst last night until I snapped back at her...... sorry folks, I don't get paid enough for verbal abuse...... she always mellows out ... so it was all good..

My body was screaming by the time I left... felt like I was walking like the TinMan.... forgot my meds at home..... looooooong night..... more later when I have a working brain cell.... hugs and love.
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Shilo, if they have only been on a few hours or less and they are not dirty, just refold them and put them away. I used to do this with teenage daughter back in the day...lol
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Funny Shilo8.. I agree with doing more laundry vs arguing about shower..
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What did you do now Assa??
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I'm watching my back!
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Tex thank you for bringing up the hospice industry. It is indeed buyer beware when you are dealing with a for profit hospice they are in the business of making money and pay their executive huge bonuses. What you need is asmaller not for profit hospice where the sraff are all there for the right reasons. Definitely ask a lot of questions.
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I washed all my mother's laundry last night. This morning she was in the bathroom changing her pj's for the 4th time since I finished the laundry. I asked her what she was doing. She told me the pants aren't wet but she's had them on for over 2 days now and she thought it was time to change them. Oh.... alright.... and I went in her room and got her another pair of pants. Then I just washed a load of towels and the 4 pairs of pjs she wore in less than 12 hours. I suppose it is better than going 2 weeks without changing or showering. I don't miss those days at all. I would rather do the extra laundry. I was proud of myself for not trying to explain to her she didn't need to change her clothes.

It is going to be 95° here today. What is it like in your neck of the woods?
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Thanks Glad!
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Just read an interesting story concerning Hospice in the Huffington Post. It would be worth a read for anyone considering hospice.As with anything, it's buyer beware. There will always be horrors stories with anything. I was just afraid after reading it ,it would scare some people off of hospice.Hospice has now become big business. Again,anyone considering it,do your homework,ask questions. I used hospice for my dad and it was great. Most are.But there are always the rotten apples in any barrel.Hospice can be a wonderful thing but you must educate yourself on what it is.Just please don't let this article scare you away from using hospice.
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Ashlynne that is what DeeAnn is finding out now that she is caring for her mother ***as well*** - heaven help the poor girl!
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StandingAlone is doing well. I will get in touch with her and tell her she is missed.
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By the way, LadeeM, did you finally unclog the drain? Did you use the snake, the vinegar and baking powder (?) or the plumber?
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Maure, it always seem that when one thing goes down, other stuff will follow. Ask LadeeM. You know how they say that terrible things happen in threes? I think LadeeM went past the 3. I remember one year - our fridge, the oven and the washer all broke down in the same year. Or was it the fridge, the washer and the $800 plumbing cost for our shower's leak? Hate it when that happens.

Hi DeeAnn, Welcome to AC (agingcare). All the above is true. When you're at work, the clients don't have the deep emotional strings that you have with family. You're able to be detached or objective - understanding that it's the disease. But when it comes to family, we keep forgetting that, and still expect them to behave lik e their normal selves. We're strongly encouraged to Detach and set Boundaries.

For any of you have Amazon kindles, I just noticed today when I was playing my musics, that the songs now have captions? You can sing along while the song is playing. As I was marveling over this, it finally registered to me the words on the song Brave by Sara Baraeilles.
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Anybody heard from StandingAlone (Barbara)? I understand her Mom passed but she usually pipes in from time to time..
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DeeAnn nursing home staff get to go home at end of shift and get on with their lives, have days off and vacations. For the 24/7/365 caregiver there is no escape.
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DeeAnn what you're feeling is completely natural. It sounds as if you're a brilliant CNA, warm and understanding - but when it's your own mother behaving like that it's incredibly hard to be objective and not take it personally. I do it the other way round: I try to pretend that my mother is somebody else's mother! - makes it easier to be polite and respectful even when she's driving me up the wall.

Do vent - it really helps. Hugs to you x
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Hi i am new here. I am an Cna when i work it is in long term care i love my work i am not working now because my 72 yo mom want's me home, what i want to know is why is it i can take care of any other elderly person take there bad moods there crap with a smile does not bother me but my mom is being argumentative and just plain mean and i am a big ball of stress want to pull my hair out arggg.
Realy i know why but i am frustrated i can not get a handle on it. I just needed to vent and support thank you
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You'll never know how much I appreciate the encouragement sent my way. It means so very much. The microwave went out two weeks ago prior to all this. Our t.v. went out Monday and I feel like I've totally lost control.

I think God is telling me to let Him be in the drivers seat. Things haven't gotten any better. Our television went out Tues. evening. I held my hands up in the air and said..."I give". Taking it a day at a time and hoping nothing happens "any" day. My husbands lifelong friend came to visit, and made the statement, "you know the damage the electricity did the outside of your body, think what it's done to the inside....", it made me soooo sad to think about it. Everyone tells him "Boy, You're luckly to be alive"...he says...yeah I guess.

I'm so very sad that this is the beginning of the end. I try to keep my spirits up in order to spend quality time with him, but it's so difficult to do. I don't want to be sad around him, but my heart is heavy with sorrow. God please help me.
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Maure, my dad had and still do have high blood pressure. All our lives, we grew up eating bland food. Mom would make soup but not much salt in it. Let's just say, that when I would eat out with friends, almost every food I ate, I thought it was very, very salty. I just couldn't eat it. Yet,my friends didn't think it was salty. Eventually, they were getting irritated with my constant complaints about the salty food.

What mom did was she made the food bland, but she would make this side dipping dish made of soy sauce, lemon, onions and red hot pepper. We would take the meat and dip it into our dipping bowl. And that's what gave taste to an otherwise bland food. I make eggs with as little olive oil as possible. I don't even sprinkle it with salt at all. But I'm not much of a cook so I have such limited advice on what to cook for his health.
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Dear Maure, I am so glad you found this forum and were trusting enough to post. we can not fix any of your problems but we can send you prayers. Blessing no 1 one is that your precious grandson has a broken arm that will heal. Blessing No 2 is that your husband actually has a diagnosis and can begin to deal with what it all means.
Blessing No3 is that he has had all these blockages for a very long time. Blessing No 4 is that you are a very strong woman even if you don't feel that way right now. You and hubby have weathered many storms together and will continue to do so together as long as our Lord as he does for all of us leaves you both on this earth.
try and take each day one at a time and do what you can. don't fret about low salt cooking it really is quite simple. Do not use much salt in cooking and don't add exta at the table. Stay away from take out and frozen meals. plenty of fresh fruits and veg, that is really all there is to it. Can you manage that. It is OK to cheat oceassionally like a pizza once a month. things like ketchup are loaded with salt so only use a tiny bit. Take each day one at a time and make sure you legal matters are in order and that both of you know the others wishes as far as health directives are concerned, You have been a team for 42 years so keep working together. It won't be easy but you can do it. blessings
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Thanks, Shilo. I've used this before. I've got several. My favorite is the book. But I've had it for months now. I feel like it's time to rotate. I'm still searching for a 2nd favorite one. And I would really like it to have purple in it. Still searching the web. There was a poster here on AC who told me that she's willing to make my very own avatar. When I saw hers, I was soooo envious! I even told her so. And that's when she told me that she made it! It was beautiful. I never took her up on the offer.
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Book - Luv ur new avatar! Where did you find it...have it made just for you?
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In 1988/89 my husband was invovlved in an electrical accident that cost him his left arm at the rib cage and his left knee where the electricity came out. We'd already had 3 children by this time and all 4 parents were living. Shortly after, his mother passed due to the stress it put on her diabetic body and my dad passed away 8 months later. We've been married 42 years Sept.2. Fast forward to last Fri. My husbs heart dr recommended a heart cath, resulting in 4 clogged arteries with other clots on the entire L side of his body. This has immensely saddened me, knowing it's the beginning of the end. Of course only Our Lord knows when he'll pick him off the face of this earth. In the meantime I feel like I'm sitting on a time bomb. I'm scared, I've never lived on my own and we're both on disability retirement at this time. I have fibromyalgia, my nerves are shot and feel like I've been turn over by a mac truck. There are so many clots in the arteries, some are long, other are short and spotty. Drs. won't do open heart surgery due to the facet being diabetic and having infection set in.
Time bomb. The week of heart cath, microwave died, heart cath was done with not so good results, I fell in the hallway at the hospital taking a nose dive tripping with the toe of my shoe, falling flat on my face..///..--- going down like a board with nothing to break my fall, teeth hit the floor. That was Fri....Sat we tried to rest. Sun. morning my son called telling his (4 hrs away) Dad, John (our 2 1/2 yr old Grandson)can't get up, he won't get up, we don't know what's wrong.!!!!! I've got to go, the ambulance is here. I SCREAMED OUT LOUD...GOD PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY BABY FROM ME ..PLEASSSEE. Put my face in my pillow and cried and cried. Husb called oldest daughter who was there at the time to find out what happened. John was standing on the computer chair (he knows he shouldn't have been doing it) as it turned, he did a scorpion fall. His chest and arms hit the floor first, legs came up and behind his head. X rays resulted in a break above the elbow and this happens to the most first broken bone in kids. My God what a relief that was. Arm is in a sling and doing better .I'm having to start cooking all over again with low sodium ingredients, last night...our television went out.
I know two of the things I mentioned are important and the others can be fixed.
But I'm emotionally drained, worried about my husband, searching for low sodium recipes and having physical therapy with spinal decompression due to all the damage I've had in my back.. I'm worn out and have no energy for anything. Unable to do housework, really don't care to. The best part of all this, Husb seems to be in a better mood since being "diagnosed", does that make sense? At least he knows what he's dealing with, is that it?
I need prayers our way. I'm afraid I'll give up after he goes, my health isn't good but nothing that would cause a threat to death.
Thank You everyone if you've read this post. I'm sorry it's so long.
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Thanks, CM and Shilo, I have already picked out a place. Now having to deal with an elder law attorney, as it is too late for a POA I think, unless we can get MIL to do that. Anyway, we have talked about it with them. He will need to go first. The NH is close to our house, so we can visit every day. MIL can stay here for a bit longer.

Not irrelevant, or unwanted...thank you for your comments. I have gotten some good advice here. I just sent them outside, escorted right to the chair, and will go back and get them back in again in a minute. Peace for me for a few minutes, warm enough for them, it is 95 degrees out there. They are 'freezing' in here, even though I have the ac down to 80 inside. Which is way too warm for me. They have warm clothes and will just have to live with it, that is my line in the sand, I can't live in a hot house.
Anyway, have a peaceful evening
Christine
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Well typical dementia I guess.....I called my mom yesterday and it was the first day in I don't know how long that she said she was fine! She seems to have moved out of her incredible anger for the moment so things have settled down some. The entire family is heading to the island for the wedding of her oldest grandchild this weekend, I think her focus on that has something to do with her improved mood. It was honestly like speaking to a different person. On a personal note, today I celebrate my second year tumor free. I had a brain tumor removed two years ago today and my life is completely different, but totally good. Although my mom has no recollection of my surgery, she did spoon feed me afterwards as I was not able to open my mouth very wide at all. My facial muscle was entangled in the tumor so it was an unexpected challenge for the surgeon. I am strong, healthy and a survivor. Today I celebrate me and my mom. Blessings to you all on this journey!
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Christine - I read CM's post and thought of something when my mother was in the NH for rehab in 07' thought I would share with you. Sorry I can't think of your whole situation at the moment and what I have to say maybe irrelevant and if so please disregard and sorry for my 2 cents.

While my mother was in the NH I found out people staying in the NH could leave for the day with a family member, think they called it an outing. I was able to sign her out and take her home with me but had to get her back to the NH before night time for her medicines.
Something to think about and consider if and when you start to consider a facility for your in-laws. If available at NH you are considering, say an outing once every other month or so...your schedule your decision just talking out loud here not knowing situation. I'm going to shut up now.
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Christine I sound like a broken record on this point; but if you and Charles between you agree that your in-laws will eventually need to move into a facility, it is better for them to walk in than to be pushed in. They will settle better, and have much more chance of establishing good relationships with the staff and other residents, than if you leave it until they are essentially human cabbages. If I were you I'd start looking now - no harm in researching the options.
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Photo, I somehow missed that you had finally found a place for your hubby to go. You are doing your best for him, it is very difficult for us to admit when we cannot provide the care needed to keep them safe. My suggestion of is do not bring him home again. Let him be and wait until a suitable place is found. Are you seeing a counselor? This may be PTSD and you need professional help. How often are you seeing him? You should try to stay away until you start to feel better.
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Photo you have done the very best you can for your husband. You should be proud of yourself not getting comfort from alcohol. Alcohol is not something you can tackle alone and when you are able the time will comf for you to join an AA program. Easier said than done. Never been in that position but it is a slippery slope it is easy to step on. You can not cope with your husband and the desperation alone so please seek help.
from what you have told us it sounds as though it is time for a psych facility. it does not have to be permanent but he does need acute treatment right now by experts. if they can stabilize him it may be possible to return him to a different facility.
Please take care of yourself that is job 1 you are no good to your husband if your are not fit. When what you are doing becomes more painful than what you need to do you will make the change. Blessings
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