This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Yes, we have roaches here, not as big as the ones Lav has tho...... when I lived down home we almost had to wear helmets in the house, those suckers are huge and can fly..... mostly scorpions here to worry about...
And I think we'll have to get Book to move to the states... no demons allowed in the states.... !!!! She could travel all over the States and not have to pay horrible air fare prices......
The cost of living is good here in Tx..... unemployment low.....and here in Central Tx we are having another oil boom... which means jobs for many and revenue to the towns.....I think gas is cheaper here than anywhere....
Ya, Golden Girls... we need four, Veronica, who do you want to be.... I want to be the old lady.... can't remember her name....
God, finally something to look forward to...... this could turn into a plan !!! LOL
Have to work tonight so am going to bed for awhile.... ttyl.....love and hugs
I once slept overnight at a hotel by myself. Because I didn't know if someone had died in that room and might be haunting it, I went to bed fully clothed with socks on....and On top of the blanket. Any boogaloo (ghosts) visits me at night, I was already dressed and packed. I would have ran outside the room in seconds - if they did not bar the door...
Book & ladeeM - I won't have anyone to help take care of me either. Mind if I join your group of lonesome doves? Book would you leave the island or would we be moving there? I just had a picture of LadeeM on her m-cycle circling around and around you warding off the evil spirits. There would be a learning curve to your culture but you would also need to accept a few of our um ways...as the m-cycle seems to be a must!
What I'm really concerned about is how she is handling how close bro and I are. I just couldn't help it that she kept bringing up how happy bro is that she's with me. She took a photo of me and sent it to bro while we in the restaurant. She then couldn't resist telling me that bro said that I look weird. She really didn't have to tell me that. I mean, she was not telling me all the other stuff he was texting to her, but she just had to tell me that one only? That night, she sent me a text again saying that bro was happy that we spent time together. . I hope, really hope that I'm wrong that she does not perceive me as competition for bro's heart. That's why I'm trying to stay as neutral as possible.
She wants us to go eat at Yogurtland regularly. That's fine. It will help her to get to know me and not see me as a threat. I have other misgivings which I will not mention here. That one - I may be wrong - but no matter how I try to dismiss it - those thoughts keep popping back. I will not interfere. Bro used my spare cell phone. I had to use it yesterday. She text him telling him to delete all their texts. He did not. You guys, my brother loves her. His heart is really bad. Twice he failed his annual work's physical check-up. They actually called the ambulance to take him to the ER. If he loves this woman, then I will not stand in his way. And I think, since he met her last year, is also the time when he started to say those 3 words of affection to me by email and text. I still have his text in my cell phone. I'm hoping soooo hard that I'm wrong about her. Now I feel so sad thinking about it.
Are you making any arrangements for where you will live after dad passes? Sounds like they won't hesitate to send you packing....you are like me, no one to take care of me.... maybe we can find bridge to live under and be roommates!!!
Back to work tonight... seems I didn't have any time off , stayed busy cleaning house and the mess with the fridge.... I hate being Susy Homemaker....... I'd rather be sculpting or sleeping.....
He's concerned about the house/land. Hello? You were here in March for 3 weeks. Why wasn't he concerned about it then? Because he was busy eating out with oldest bro at these different restaurants, and spending time with his gf. Now that he's back in Virginia, he's concerned? Whatever!
He wants me to get POA. Hello? Dad is not diagnosed with dementia. He said he's not stupid to let anyone have POA over him (his SIL had POA over his brother and something must have happened for him to be so anti-female having POA.) Dad who is very old fashion and believes women know nothing and should keep their mouth shut? Who is only good for cleaning and cooking? Bro became quiet.
So, I told him that he better figure out what he wants to do. Dad already said that his house/land goes to him and other older bro. If they want to keep it, he better figure out what he wants, and get his butt back here. Because once oldest bro finds a way to get POA, I truly believe this house/land would end up with him or his children.
I don't mind talkative people. I can listen to them. But I would like it if they know when to stop and share with the listening. =) I'm going to take a short nap.
Lav, congrats on the house sale..... take the money and run girl... get your 'shot gun' house and commence to begin a new life..... and yes, a job will help.... lol
Shilo, I call my sisters The Ugly Sisters...... I've also called them Cardboard Cut Out Sisters..... have nothing to do with them.....
Book, I understand about not talking to bro about gf..... hopefully he will spend three weeks with her and change his mind.....
Damn I'm tired.... such mess with that fridge... finally went and bought a fan to set on the floor..... let the air dry it.... a whole day of cleaning.... have been so depressed and letting things go.... so, a mess..... I will never let it get like this again...... had son install my new ac for the front of the Grapes of Wrath wagon..... he is a talker too Book, so what should have been a 45 min. job, turned into a three hour job..... and he's still not finished... sure hope the mosquitos don't realize there is a gaping hole where the ac didn't fit against the wall..... deep sigh....
Hope everyone found one thing to be grateful for today.... hugs to you all...
Our monthly caregiver's meeting will be on Saturday, the 21st. I sure hope fave sis is babysitting grandson. When she's babysitting, she hates going out and just wants to stay home. I then don't feel so bad about not visiting her and so can attend the meeting with a clear conscience. And not be torn about not shopping with sis. Although I don't care for these caregiver's meetings, I do need to reconnect with other caregivers. Family just don't understand what I'm going through, and the stress of handling a "problem" care receiver.
Book, I agree with Shilo. Tell bro how much you enjoyed lunch I've never heard of a person except my Bro that gets up and walks out without a word. Strange!! I would ask her why she does that. Tell her that it makes you feel like you have done something wrong. Jeez, who taught her manners. Have you ever told Bro that she does this. By the way, did you ever start any Mandalas. I found out that Carl Jung introduced these. The name mean "self" in Sanskrit. I have a book on Jung and there were drawings in it. They were very crude but good. Take care of YOU!!
Hi there - Well, I still cannot run the water in the kitchen sink. Bro tried to fix it but found out that some kind of ring broke under the sink. He said that it could not have happened unless someone got under there with a wrench and broke it. Well I sure didn't do it so the guy that inspected the house must have. Agent called him and he has not called him back yet. It is a shame I don't have my girl scout utensils anymore. Good new about house. Two offers in 2 days. We took the one that does not need an inspector. I don't need anymore problems. A lot less money but bro and I both agreed on it. I need a job job job. Take care of you all!!!!
My wonderful brother and I were talking about when she was stung by a bee last summer. He said it was the first time he ever heard a bee talk. I said HUH??? He said, "yea, I heard the bee say STFU right before he stung her." The wonderful brother is also the funny brother.
Brother #1 The wonderful one
Brother #2 My Hero
Sister #1 The stupid one (With a Masters)
Sister #3 The jealous, judgmental, hypocritical, phony,drama queen B****.
What other endearing terminology???
There are a few of you that refer to siblings using other endearing terminology. lol I was trying to remember some of them. Can someone help me here.