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What a week! First our upstairs heat pump crapped out, luckily only freon this time (pray it holds for another year!) Then the fridge half of our fridge/freezer went out, repair on Monday. So now hubs goes into the lower level rec room to shut the door, and we have a leak from the parents bathroom! I hope that "comes in 3s" things is right... I can;t take much more!
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LadeeM a biker b*tch! LOL My husband whines on occasion that he wants a Harley but he has to pay college tuition instead..

He had one before we got married when he was in the service.. I tell him to "keep dreaming"..
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Book, she does sound self centered for sure.... and scatter brained..... to just get up and walk away is just rude..... it will be hard for you to share with bro and not say anything ugly about her... she must have come across not very 'genuine'.... and that's sad for your bro....... he can't find a girl in the states???? I'm sure he values your opinion and if he asks you, try to be gentle but honest... you may save him some major heart ache down the line...
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Pammie, will you be going with them to visit with the doctor? You can still stay in the background (as in behind them) so that if the doctor asks questions, and your father is not being very forthcoming, you can do a quiet signal with your hand a "so-so" gesture (as in your fingers spread out and you move it from side to side up and down motion.) Or shake your head if he "veers" from the truth.

I just woke up and realize why I kept saying "It's so strange" when I was talking about bro's gf. This is the first time I've spent with her without my bro being around. I'm really really hoping that I'm wrong. My bro keeps falling in love and never getting the female. 1st one didn't want leave this island and move to Virginia (yet she did when she married a white caucasion. marriage didn't last long.) 2nd one - researched our native food and made it for him. He never ever brought her to meet the family in the mainland. (she got tired of waiting, married her coworker who ended up very dangerous controlling man who constantly called at her work to make sure she was at work.divorced.) And this current one.

During lunch, she took over the conversation, gushing about me repeatedly, how bro is so happy that she's here with me, etc... Yet, when I tried to talk, she would start looking around, then suddenly get up and walk away. I knew she was rude because all the times she visited at the house, when she was leaving, she never said, "goodbye or see you later." She just gets up and walks out. The first time this happened, I kept waiting for her to come back in. Finally figured out that she left. Yes, I'm a little bit jealous but I was like with fave sis. But I was and still am happy that sis found her soulmate. And her hubby never once tried to interfere with sis & I. I so worry about bro because his clock is ticking - literally. His heart is really really bad. If this gf is going to bring him happiness - so be it. During our lunch, she kept texting him about what we're doing together. Even though she told me that he said to stop texting and enjoy her time with me. sigh.... I'm really trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. And I know that bro is waiting for me to email him about my day with her. I cannot lie to him. So I haven't emailed. I will need to find a nice way of telling him how I enjoyed our luncheon which I did - but not say much about her as a person.
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How sad for your mom... I know that anesthesia is very dangerous for elders and especially ones with alz/dementia.... I pray there is something that can be done..... you know she is miserable also... with all that anger boiling in her like that.... so let us know what is done.... like I said, it will help me and others with similar situations to know what to do or ask about...... sending you, a great daughter, hugs and prayers for a good outcome...
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LadeeM, I appreciate your feedback! This dementia process has been ongoing for at least 5 years, it was expedited by a significant case of over anesthesia for a knee replacement. It was medically documented that the short term memory loss after that surgery was a result of too much anesthesia. She has an appointment on Tuesday with her primary, I am praying that God guides my dad to call ahead so the appointment is actually productive in getting her something to help calm her down and hopefully decrease the anger. Mom was always strong and she had her opinions, but she was never a mean person like what we see now. My older brother commented that perhaps the arocept is helping her cognition enough for more realization on her part as to her decline and that may be the root of the intense anger, I would hope that she would be able to comment on her confusion or lack of memory if that's the case. I came very close to calling the neurologist myself as I am authorized to speak on her behalf, however, I feel conflicted about going around my father. I will have a different approach moving forward when it comes to communication with medical staff, I.e. I will take the calls and speak with my dad afterwards (he is partially deaf and tends to leave hearing aids out as a means of coping with moms rants)
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Thanks Book, I knew I wasn't dreaming..... so we can just resurrect that one.... there was some funny stuff on there if I remember.....
And sending prayers for the sil to be..... poor thing....
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Glad, you've been here two years already. Time does fly when we are having fun!!! lol I'll check back on the old threads..... but that also means time is slipping away from ME !!!

Just want everyone to know that the ROT Rally will be in Austin this next week... so I will be out on 290 drooling over some bad a** Harleys and many a bad boy !!!!! Gave a t*tty shot last year... of course had my granny bra on, but still got honks and thumbs up!!! Once a biker, always a biker..... !!!! The sound of all those bikes going thru town takes me down memory lane.... deep sigh.....

Hope you all have a great day.... love, hugs, angels and chocolate..... and Harleys..... oh yeah !!!!!!
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And one started by eggshellwalker:
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/theme-songs-for-the-caregiver-156049.htm

The thread by eggshell was the first time I heard about that song Angel, and the full version that Sharynmarie once posted on her Wall - about "They're coming to take me away..."
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LadeeM-
I don't know of another thread, may be that it is too old. I am a relative newcomer, coming up on two years, I think.
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Glad, didn't we have a thread here awhile back about songs for caregivers??? I'll have to check into that..... but ya, we can just make up our own lyrics and have some fun for a change.....
Shilo..... we can look for that old thread and just resurrect it...... or start a new one..... God knows we sing the blues every day..... lol
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I had lunch today with baby bro's girlfriend. Long distance relationship. Bro's gf is going on July 4th to visit him. This is her first time to fly to the states. She is so scared. She kept wishing that I was going so that we could travel together. She was able to find a very good price of $1500.00! Of course, she's flying via Japan - which is cheaper. But darn, that flight from Tokyo to Chicago/Houston is like 13 hours non-stop!!!! I rather fly via Honolulu with a 7.5 hour flight to Hono, 3 hr layover, another 7.5 hour to Houston, stopover, etc... but that comes out to $2000.00. I cannot in all honesty afford that and still pay for meals at restaurants... not with my job on the line.

Anyway, she had watched me change dad's pamper. She told me that she's been telling bro that she used to caregive her grandma. But grandma was a very nice, easygoing patient. Unlike my dad. It's sooooo strange to hear another Normal Person (not from the home care nurses) praise me. She told me that the way I change my dad's pamper was very patient and very good at doing it. It's so strange how she kept bringing it up how good I am at it. She said that I deserve a break from it. So, she wants to make a point of us doing things together. So strange to be with her without bro there. She just text me. My bro is so happy with her for spending some time with me. She told me that if my dad ever told her F**k You, she would cry. Ohhhh boy... She's from a loving family... cultural shock - from a loving family to a possible joining of a dysfunctional one.
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I can see you starting a new thread 'the caregivers' songs' or 'the caregivers' blues' it does sound like fun
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Or any other song we want to change the words to.... sounds like some creative fun......
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Darius Rucker? Maybe think on that tomorrow. The Caregiver State of Mind...
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TIRED, FRUSTRATED
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Pammie, has mom always been like this to some degree and it's only gotten worse??? This sounds so serious.... and not having the medical profession to help you find out what is wrong is very frustrating...And I absolutely agree with you that she should not have to endure this..... I would scream from the roof tops until someone heard me.... please keep us updated as this situation is something we all need to know about... this kind of aggression and lack of treatment and cooperation...... I am interested in what you have to do to get some positive results for you mom.... and for yourself.... I hate this disease... with a passion !!!! Sending you lots of hugs...
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Tough going today....I called mom to check in this morning and after two attempts I finally connected with her only to hear "I don't want to talk"! I replied that was no problem and that I would call her another time to which she responded "I would prefer that you don't, I never want to speak to you again". I must admit I am getting a but numb to these comments, it hurts a little less each time despite my understanding that she has dementia, she is still my mom. No progress with my dad yet on getting her some help with this uncontrollable anger, he was short of breath today and sounded beyond defeated. I sent him an email suggesting he give my phone number to the neurologist so I could figure out what the mri showed and then be able to explain it to him. I would also like the chance to tell her what is going on at home. I think my dad is somehow embarrassed to ask for help with her anger, but something has got to give. I will see them next week as we are all gathering for a family wedding, she will never attend as it is too overwhelming for her. In the meantime, I will continue to call several times each day.
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LadeeM - OK, just thinking out loud here...so would the part about "No matter where I am, I'm in an exhausted state of mind" be part of the body or the chorus? or "No matter what time it is..."
Isn't there a poet amongst us?
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Shilo.... do you think we even care what Darius Rucker thinks???? It's not like he would come on AC and read what we made up !!!! LOL..... Let's just go for it.... and if we get in trouble....maybe we will get some national attention about our plight as caregivers..... !!!!
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I wonder if Darius Rucker would mind us changing the lyrics some to his 'Southern State of Mind' song?
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looloo, your not crabby, you are in the 'caregiver state of mind'.... I think we need to write a song with that name... won't make any sense to anyone but us !!!! Hope you get it done and can relax and maybe even get a REAL vacation day...... hugs
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P.S. Anyone who noticed the 'wheels in motion' metaphor gets bonus points! Lol... :)
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I've been in 'wait and see' mode for a few months now. I put the 'wheels in motion' to get my mother's driver's license revoked (she has dementia, lives alone, and is still driving--not disoriented yet, but never was a good driver). Paperwork from her neurologist was submitted to the DMV, and I've been waiting for the official notice. A week ago, the regular form letter from them came, saying her license was due to expire on her birthday in early August, so I've been sitting on that until I hear otherwise. My own doctor and dentist appointments haven't been scheduled in too long, and yesterday I just had it with the waiting and waiting. I called today, and I should be receiving the notice in the mail in the next day or two, they said. I'm relieved to know that I can finally MOVE on this. I'll take more time off work (I really miss using vacation time for vacations instead of her stuff), make the 3 hour drive to her, break the news, and arrange for the donation of her car. I'll also arrange for companion/transportation assistance for her, which she's needed for the last year, but refused to allow it. And then, hopefully, I can get on with my OWN life for a little bit. Sorry if I sound crabby, but thanks for listening.
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Red, I always love hearing about you and hubby.... I am 'relationship challenged' , meaning if he was a jerk, I wanted to marry him.... I did get three awesome step children out of my mistakes.... but have no desire to ever get into any of that again...... so I can't relate to your dedication of taking care of a life mate..... but I can relate on the level of my children...... no hesitation at all when it comes to my kids..... so thank you for sharing your love with us....makes my heart feel all soft !!!

Cujo has settled down... finally slept after almost two weeks of only sleeping an hour or two at a time.... between the LBD and exhaustion.... well, I don't need to explain it to ya'll... ya'll live it too..... what frustrates me is the daughter is so stubborn about giving Cujo her anxiety meds.... EVERY DAY..... she ends up giving her one when it is her turn to stay the weekend..... I have tried to explain to the daughter how the meds work..... giving it to her every day allows it to do it's job, not knock her out when the daughter is tired of dealing with her...

So Cujo had two great nights sleep, was in a much better mood, and she can be so much fun when she isn't exhausted..... but can't imagine the roller coaster her brain and body go thru with the meds not being consistent... deep sigh.....

So, will spend one of my precious days off getting the mess from the leaking fridge cleaned up..... so need to get going.... hugs to all of you ..... we need each other..... in a good way....
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Fantastic Tex..... and hope you enjoy every delicious second of your respite time.... and give hubby a hug from all of us for being a great husband.....!!!!! I want you to come back and share about 'doing nothing'..... we at least want to experience this vicariously...... lol.... have a great day and enjoy yourself!!! hugs and chocolate..... !
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I actually have a day off.Slept till 10 AM although I did get up at 5 AM to give mom her coffee and pain med. Wonderful husband will deal with her today for me as yesterday I did an 80mile round trip to MD again and then took her to get her hair done.Saw her briefly this AM,first thing out of her mouth "look at my hand" ,I cut her off after that because it is the same old thing, she has RA in that hand , wears her night brace to tight ,I have talked to her about this and she is also on 180 mg of morphine a day so I think her pain will be taken care of for the day.Just laying in bed with a cup of coffee while wonderful husband takes mother down to the basement where she has a little art studio she "plays" in,guess her hand doesn't hurt that much,oh and she also has a huge TV with cable and a bed if she wants to lay down,got good and she doesn't even know it.
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Lav...so sorry the deal on the house fell through...hope you find an as is buyer soon...LadeeM, didn't realize you were a hurricane survivor on top of everything else...good luck with Cujo. MIL never turned violent (at least she was spared something) When she was confused she knew it and got upset and would tell me she was confused and didn't know what she was supposed to do now...like how to find her room. Had a friend once who said you expect to have to deal with things like this with your parents but not your life partner...her husband had gotten to where she was afraid she could not take care of him...that is a whole different dynamic. He had been her rock for over 50 years. To do something that would upset them would be really hard, even if it meant things being harder for yourself. My husband and I have been married almost 47 years and together as a couple for about 50. Hate to tell you what I would be willing to go through to try to keep from upsetting him or doing anything that would make him miserable and he would be the same with me. Only saying this to try to help some understand why some of the elderly parents are willing to put up with so much trying to care for their spouse...You don't choose your parents but you do choose your spouse, and when a couple has been together for 50 years or so, they have become a solid part of each others lives. I guess it would be a natural reaction to try to hang on to what is normal for you, even when that normal isn't even there any more...I pray I don't ever have to face those decisions...Love and hugs to those who have to do it and prayers for understanding from the children who have to watch their aging parents struggle through it.
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I was pretty much a zombie today as I did a little cleaning in basement this morning but was a couch potato either reading or playing games on my Ipad. Dad thankfully worked on word search book all day. Yesterday was a very stressful day for me I had an upset stomach when I went to bed so its a recovery day for me. But still have to get dad to take a shower tonight. Hopefully I will have more energy tomorrow. Dad is feeling better.
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57twin - I hope that everything turns out okay with your eyes. Please do not feel sad about the move. He will have plenty of support and you know he will be taken care of. You have a little time to get used to it. Lean on you sister as you go through this change. Thank goodness he will be so close to you. There is always the phone. Please take care of YOU!!!
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