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57Twin... welcome to the YOU thread... sounds like you have your hands full... and sometimes the cold medicine affects our elders harder than it does us..... and at least he peed IN something and not on the floor !!!! That wouldn't be nice to wake up to...... hugs
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Hey there - I do not know if ya'll know but all h*ll is breaking lose in Iraq. People on the news said that gas prices will be going up. The oil companies will pounce on this and raise the prices. I just went and top off the gas in the car. Take care of Ya'll
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Assande - I am sorry to hear about that. She was so young. Now the children have lost both parents. As for your mother at least she's ready to go.Take care of YOU!!!
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As long as Mom sits still she will be fine till it's time to go. Have a cup of coffee and a snack and the time will go fast and you will feel better.
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woke dad up as today is a adult day care day but with his cold I wanted to see how he felt. Walk into bedroom and I glance at nightstand and the water glass on the night stand was full of urine! Ewwwww.....he said he could not get door open to get to bathroom? I think the OTC cold meds must have confused him. Tossed empty cup in trash. He is feeling better so O am not giving him any more cold medicine and will make sure I do not close his bedroom door totally shut either.
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UGH! My Mom has an appt at 1pm today and she already has her jacket on!! It's only 11:30 am!
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If you burn out or stroke out you will be unable to care for yourself, never mind anyone else. Take 3 deep breaths & take 3 seconds to exhale. Get someone in to relieve you & get to a doctor yourself.
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I haven't spoken to her over in 30 yrs. It's just sad. Who expects to know anyone involved in these violent crimes..
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Oh no Assa..... so sorry to hear this..... I know you are shocked and hurt .... let us know how you are doing with this... and yes... someone always has it worse... we do forget that sometimes... sending you lots of hugs....
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I doubt it's dementia. She was 52 and the husband is 56...
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How awful.
Dementia could be a facter but more likely unrecognized mental or denied mental illness.
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My gosh, A&A, I cannot imagine the shock you must feel! Do you think dementia may be a factor?
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My heart aches! I'm watching the news and they are reporting about a woman in the next town over, who was stabbed to death in her driveway by her husband. Then they show a picture of her and"I know her".. I worked with her during high school and college many years ago.. I hung around with her and went to her 1st wedding. I haven't seen or talked to her in over 30 yrs but it I was stunned to see her photo..

I always remember her as a kind person..She has several grown children. So sad for the family..

I think my life stinks some days. I can't imagine what her life was like to end in such a tragic death...
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I am long into many tears and my heart goes out to you Rmts. I am at the end of my rope and lost to the depression.
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On the verge of tears - home health care aides were long awaited, but now my mom is on her 4th UTI and as a result of not having a clean diaper is red, swollen, and uncomfortable. Neither Mom or Dad being kept clean after using the toilet. Prayed for some help, but feel physically ill from the lack of competence of the aides.
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well I ordered new glasses today but it will take two weeks so more blurry vision until then I have to deal with. But the other news is that the director of the new asst. living place came and did assessment and tentatively dad will be moving in next month. And he still has his cold but appetite is good so to me that is a good thing.
Not sure if I feel relieved about the upcoming move but since my vision issue is new that makes my decision feel better to me as this concerns me a great deal. Spoke at length with a friend who is in a similar situation with her mom and with a cousin who was her fathers and her in laws caregiver for several years for thoughts about the move, I guess I feel a bit sad as I feel I am abandoning him though he will only be about 3.5 miles away and his new home will provide more support. I know this is what mom would have wanted. My sister will be here next month to help with the move. So feeling a bit emotional right now I will see how I am tomorrow.
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Thanks so much for the feedback and suggestions, they are appreciated and I needed them today of all days. I agree that she needs meds for anxiety, I asked my dad to please call the doc and tell them what is going on so they have an accurate picture. As for a specialist, they live on an island so they have limited supply on specialists. She is seeing a neurologist who ordered an mri last week, no results yet. Her GP has a large percentage of elderly patients but is not a geriatric specialist. It is a horrific to watch because it is all mental, her physical body is relatively strong. Again, thanks for the feedback, I am so appreciative that you can share your wisdom. I sense that I will be a frequent flyer!
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Lav, if there will be enough money to give you a hand up and out of there.. take the money and RUN !!!!!! love ya
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LadeeM- Thank you for your posts. Yes, I can sit here and feel sorry myself or I can pick up my butt and get moving. Bro called last and the agent said that he has people that will take it off our hands for not a lot but some. Bro complained that it will not be enough to do what he wanted to do with the house he has. Well wee wee all the way home. I mean I told him that we were lucky to get anything. Mom and dad took care of that house sacrificing along the way. Bro thinks that he is owed money for something; I don't know why. So anyway I will survive I always have. Sometimes I think that bro would not mind if I gave him my share too. That ain't going to happen. But anyway I am doing okay so far. I hope that your problems get solved. I would like to get half a shotgun house. had one years ago and I loved it. I really do not want to live in a apartment building. I went to the grocery today and now they have little bottles of wine for a dollar. Give me a break. Hugs and chocolate to you too.
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Just wanted to thank everyone for the support of a crappy week... its just called LIFE... nothing major, just irritating..... and for future reference, I will, hereafter be calling L..... Cujo..... so ya'll will know who I am referring to......

For me, if I can put some things into a comedic mind set, I can deal with it.... it gives me a little distance from her attacks.... but just the norm for what we all deal with on a daily basis....... even last night... setting there listening to her tell me she wasn't HOME, and her mother had the same kind of curtains, for the millionth time.....I was thinking... " My , but Cujo is being a little Chatty Cathy tonight"....

And I have become very clear what she triggers in me when she gets aggressive, that same feeling in my gut when Ruth was on a rampage and broke my leg... !!!!Needless to say, I stay out of arms reach around her when she is on a rant.... but I was out of arms reach with Ruth also, but she could 'lunge' further than I gave her credit for.... and yes, I'm being silly here.... but I have to laugh to keep from crying.... hugs, love, angels and a bucket of chocolate.....
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Pammie - I know what you are going through is really rough. Your father needs to get someone in the house. Is your dad a vet? There are services out there for him and your mom. However, there is no way your father can handle it. Your mom does know something is going on. She is confused and scared. The one that cares for her more gets the wrath. Has she had a urine test. People her age especially women get urinary infections a lot. This could be the reason she is having the thoughts of the doctor. What they see is real to them. Like ashlyne said. Get her to a doctor that specializes in this. The best thing to do is to call the local council of aging. They can direct you where to go. When she calls tell her that you cannot talk to her when she is yelling and screaming. She needs to be told that you are doing the best you can. Just because she is ill des not mean that she can abuse you or your father. Above all keep coming in here. This is the best place on earth. They helped me immensely. TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!!!!
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Pammi... welcome.... what came to mind was, while your dad is enabling this behavior with your mom, and volunteering to be her doormat, she is spiraling out of control..... there are medications for the anxiety your mom is presenting.... and there could be some physical issues also.... but as it stands, your hands are tied..... my heart goes out to you.... to have to set back and watch all this and not have the power to advocate for your mom.....

I know none of the legalities to get help... others on here may be able to help you with that.....but I can tell you as a paid caregiver.... even if they were agreeable to having in-home help... I would not work for your mom the way she is... for one thing... I see this as cruel.... for your dad to not insist your mom go to a Dr..... your mom has no quality of life as it is now...... she is miserable, for whatever reasons, and therefore making everyone else miserable... all I can do is welcome you to this thread, hope you come back , and let others give their experiences that may possibly help your situation.... sending you hugs....
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Lav.....how disappointing and frustrating.... my heart hurts for you.... you were starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel....keep looking for a job, get one, and just leave it for bro to figure out.... I was thinking the other day, that mom treated you just like bro does.... but I also see a lot of growth in you since you first came here..... apparently you cant count on the house money to get you the start you so deserve.....bury another 'saint' in the yard somewhere that will allow you to get started on your new life.... can the house be sold 'as is'???

This is where I hate money and all it stands for and all that we have do without.... maybe you will luck out and find a place like I did... an old, and I mean OLD, Winnabago setting in this guys pasture..... just kept nagging until I got it for $200..... I call it the Grapes of Wrath wagon !!! But its mine.... nothing in it works but me.... lol..... but ya know what... after what all we've been thru.... our needs are more simple... with the Hurricanes taking it all from me... and having to start over in a new community, starting from scratch... loosing everything.... well, our needs become more simple.... Just as people don't understand caregivers, they don't understand Hurricane survivors either..... so am sending lots of prayers for you to get a much needed break....it will happen for you Lav.... you might have to make it happen.... but you are going to get a break.... have faith,,,,,, sending you lots of love.....
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Pammie I think she knows and is terribly afraid, blaming anyone and everything for her issues. Somehow those with dementia have to have someone or something to blame it on. If your father will not make a stand on her behalf there's nothing you can do but wait for her to have a massive fall which will put her into hospital then maybe assisted living or a nursing home - assuming she doesn't put your father in an early grave first, as my mother did. Refusing to have anyone in the home is classic by the way.

She needs to see a doctor who specializes in elder care asap. If she refuses, you can only wait out the inevitable.
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First time posting....I stopped working last November to help my 85 yr old father care for my mom who was diagnosed two years ago with dementia, but realistically has been progressing for over five yrs. I am the youngest of 4 children and seem to have the lion share of the caregiving work. I believe that each of my siblings is in a different state of acceptance of moms condition. She is a relatively healthy person, she has neuropathy (non diabetic) and takes cymbalta 60 mg to manage her symptoms. She started on aricept two months ago, 5mg but her anger has intensified significantly along with made up stories, thinking the doctor is outside of her house in a car spying on her, etc. She has never been directly told she has dementia but she has been told she has short term memory issues. She takes a situation and creates a complete story that is often accusatory and completely false but she continues to manifest it into more and more outrageous lies. My father gets the brunt of the verbal abuse..threats of divorce if he doesn't do what she wants, complaints that he does nothing but sit around all day, when in fact he cooks, cleans, manages her meds, does laundry and does everything in his power to make her happy but nothing works. I live over two hours away and try to spend three days with them every week or so. My father has refused to get outside help, I provided all the contact information but he says mom won't let anyone in her house. He was out last week in the morning and I was there with her and she fell down the stairs after showering. She banged up her shin, road rash, but I was able to get her up and care for her. She has now told anyone who will listen that my small rescue dog hit her causing her to fall....she has lived this dog and begs for visits up until this point. None of what she says happened, she has her hands full and was wearing satin slipper socks and slipped on the carpeted stairs. The dog was sitting at the top of the stairs. I have endured countless phone calls from her screaming and yelling at me and telling me not to come visit. When I complied with that request (dog has to go with me) she was furious and said I put the dog ahead of her. It is not uncommon for her to tell you to get out of her house while visiting, that was last week. She spends the majority of her day crying or yelling and wishing to die. I have asked my father to call the doctor and discuss these challenges on the phone because he won't do it in front of her. Should she be told she has dementia or does it even matter?
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Hi there - Thank God gave me a walking around sense. I cannot wash dishes in the sink right? I walked around the house trying to find a container that was big enough for me to wash dishes in. I found a storage bin put it outside, put dawn in it and ran water. I put the dishes in to soak. It I so hot outside I will not have to worry about the water being too cold to clean anything. LOL Bro freaked out like where is it leaking, is it the one coming from the wall or the u-shaped. LOL I all knew was that there was water under the sink I am not a plumber. As per Hillary "what difference does it make" it is wet period. No wonder he has an ulcer. Jeez Take care ya'll.
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Book - Even if you have to have tests so what they are there to tell the doctor what is going on. Take thee back to the doctor. No, doctors do not understand some caregivers lack of sibling support. They could come in here and look at all the threads about caregivers struggle. I hope that the change in the position will help your neck. Take care of YOU!!!
LadeeM - Jeez!! I thought I had it bad. I hope that you can get everything taken care of . I don't blame you for just going to bed. You had enough!! Where oh where is the trash can. I have no noticed anything but will keep a lookout on the wall. Take care of YOU!!
Hi everyone- Yesterday was not a good day. The sale did not go through. The house needs a new roof and the pipes under the house are blocked. I came in after being gone for 21/2 hours to find water on the floor but the rest of the house was okay. I tried to ran the water and there is now a leak under the kitchen sink. There is now a big bowl under there. I will be washing dishes in the tub. So apartment canceled and life on hold. Bro and agent talked and I agreed that we will just get what we can and just get it sold. I can't live here with all that can happen. We will not get the money that we wanted but we will get something. The cost of getting the pipes fixed be anywhere from hundreds to thousands and we might not get the money that we spent on a sale. The area I live in is basically a swamp. Everyone in the neighborhood has to get dirt at least once a year to put around the house because of sinkage. You can drive around the area and see the foundation of the houses. This pipe problem is common place in the area. I should be a plumber. Well, anyway we will keep the storage and my favorite charity will come and get the furniture. There will be someone to clean out the attic. UNBELIEVABLE!!!! I will be calling the agent and tell him that whatever the inspector did resulted in a leak that was not there before. Well, I have to go and get paper plates and plastic utensils. Ya'll take care.
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Tex-
Admin posted to the scam thread awhile ago and the poster has been blocked and all posts supposedly removed. If yours is not removed, check the scam thread, there is a link there posted by GardenArtist to report it.
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Tex, admin has taken care of it... but for future reference... go to the Help Center under your avatar, click on that and then scroll down to How to contact.... admin posted on your thread that they have tended to it..... thanks for the heads up tho... I got one too...
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I also got a scam post on my private messages wall.Didn't know how to report it to the admin for this board. It was actually kinda funny what they were asking for but then there are a lot of emotionally vulnerable people on this board and I don't want any one taken advantage of. Tell me how to report to the admin board that I also got one of these scam posts.
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