This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Dementia could be a facter but more likely unrecognized mental or denied mental illness.
I always remember her as a kind person..She has several grown children. So sad for the family..
I think my life stinks some days. I can't imagine what her life was like to end in such a tragic death...
Not sure if I feel relieved about the upcoming move but since my vision issue is new that makes my decision feel better to me as this concerns me a great deal. Spoke at length with a friend who is in a similar situation with her mom and with a cousin who was her fathers and her in laws caregiver for several years for thoughts about the move, I guess I feel a bit sad as I feel I am abandoning him though he will only be about 3.5 miles away and his new home will provide more support. I know this is what mom would have wanted. My sister will be here next month to help with the move. So feeling a bit emotional right now I will see how I am tomorrow.
For me, if I can put some things into a comedic mind set, I can deal with it.... it gives me a little distance from her attacks.... but just the norm for what we all deal with on a daily basis....... even last night... setting there listening to her tell me she wasn't HOME, and her mother had the same kind of curtains, for the millionth time.....I was thinking... " My , but Cujo is being a little Chatty Cathy tonight"....
And I have become very clear what she triggers in me when she gets aggressive, that same feeling in my gut when Ruth was on a rampage and broke my leg... !!!!Needless to say, I stay out of arms reach around her when she is on a rant.... but I was out of arms reach with Ruth also, but she could 'lunge' further than I gave her credit for.... and yes, I'm being silly here.... but I have to laugh to keep from crying.... hugs, love, angels and a bucket of chocolate.....
I know none of the legalities to get help... others on here may be able to help you with that.....but I can tell you as a paid caregiver.... even if they were agreeable to having in-home help... I would not work for your mom the way she is... for one thing... I see this as cruel.... for your dad to not insist your mom go to a Dr..... your mom has no quality of life as it is now...... she is miserable, for whatever reasons, and therefore making everyone else miserable... all I can do is welcome you to this thread, hope you come back , and let others give their experiences that may possibly help your situation.... sending you hugs....
This is where I hate money and all it stands for and all that we have do without.... maybe you will luck out and find a place like I did... an old, and I mean OLD, Winnabago setting in this guys pasture..... just kept nagging until I got it for $200..... I call it the Grapes of Wrath wagon !!! But its mine.... nothing in it works but me.... lol..... but ya know what... after what all we've been thru.... our needs are more simple... with the Hurricanes taking it all from me... and having to start over in a new community, starting from scratch... loosing everything.... well, our needs become more simple.... Just as people don't understand caregivers, they don't understand Hurricane survivors either..... so am sending lots of prayers for you to get a much needed break....it will happen for you Lav.... you might have to make it happen.... but you are going to get a break.... have faith,,,,,, sending you lots of love.....
She needs to see a doctor who specializes in elder care asap. If she refuses, you can only wait out the inevitable.
LadeeM - Jeez!! I thought I had it bad. I hope that you can get everything taken care of . I don't blame you for just going to bed. You had enough!! Where oh where is the trash can. I have no noticed anything but will keep a lookout on the wall. Take care of YOU!!
Hi everyone- Yesterday was not a good day. The sale did not go through. The house needs a new roof and the pipes under the house are blocked. I came in after being gone for 21/2 hours to find water on the floor but the rest of the house was okay. I tried to ran the water and there is now a leak under the kitchen sink. There is now a big bowl under there. I will be washing dishes in the tub. So apartment canceled and life on hold. Bro and agent talked and I agreed that we will just get what we can and just get it sold. I can't live here with all that can happen. We will not get the money that we wanted but we will get something. The cost of getting the pipes fixed be anywhere from hundreds to thousands and we might not get the money that we spent on a sale. The area I live in is basically a swamp. Everyone in the neighborhood has to get dirt at least once a year to put around the house because of sinkage. You can drive around the area and see the foundation of the houses. This pipe problem is common place in the area. I should be a plumber. Well, anyway we will keep the storage and my favorite charity will come and get the furniture. There will be someone to clean out the attic. UNBELIEVABLE!!!! I will be calling the agent and tell him that whatever the inspector did resulted in a leak that was not there before. Well, I have to go and get paper plates and plastic utensils. Ya'll take care.
Admin posted to the scam thread awhile ago and the poster has been blocked and all posts supposedly removed. If yours is not removed, check the scam thread, there is a link there posted by GardenArtist to report it.