This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
LadeeM - The name of that game show was let's make a deal right? I remember the purse thing. LOL Take care of YOU!!!!
I have something that will help some people in here. I went to a Recovery and Wellness Fair. It was for people with mental illness. One of the things that they had and I participated in was Art Therapy. It was cool. They gave us a pattern to color, kind of a mosaic. I thought, you want me to color. Do I have to stay within the lines or what. They gave us thin markers and we had 45 minutes to do ours. I really liked it. I was relaxed and did not think about anything else. When I left I was relaxed and calm. They said to do this about 15 minutes a day with everything off except maybe some calming music. The teacher gave us a website to go to. It is called Color Mandala. I went and just googled it and found plenty of free patterns that you can print. Some of these will print small but some of them fills out the whole 8 X 10 page. Please try this if you want. Take care of YOU!!!!!
Or maybe Debbie, because she's a downer...
Better yet Patty, because she's such a pessimist..
I still see the results of our childhood. 2 of the boys in turn abused their family. 4 of us girls had no confidence. 3 of them (except me) found an abusive spouse. The golden child also ended up with an abusive spouse. Like I said, my therapist was very surprised that I came out normal..no drinking or into drugs, etc...
When we went out in public (even parties at relatives homes) if we misbehaved, we all got spanking when we got home. In public, our father would yell at us. We go, we sit and do not play with the other kids. We behaved....
Too bad their not as adventurous as me!
You always self identify as a big wimp or just now you called yourself a wallflower...
I think you underrate yourself all the time.. Hugs..
My male boss again brought it up today. About my getting a ticket off this island. Yay! So, he really wants me to go off-island for vacation. I've emailed my siblings. I said that I'm willing to fly only as far as the West Coast. I just cannot handle 7.5 hours from our island to Hawaii, 2-4 hours lay over, then another 7.5 hours to Houston, 2-3 hours layover. Then another flight to either Colorado or Virginia.
My siblings wrote that they would like to join me in my vacation. Youngest sis wants Hawaii. But I checked the airfare, too expensive for them. $900-some for Colorados and about $1100-some for Virginia. I said that we can try San Fran in September. That's a good month to go. In the 70's and most of the tourists are gone and hotel rates are lower. Airfare is $600some for Colorado and $900some for Virginia. We can book a hotel room with 2 king or queen beds and have all 3 adults in one room. If we go to San Fran, I want to visit the Fisherman's Wharf. I tried emailing them to pin them down. Because boss wants to get the ticket for me. And I need several weeks to Google hotels and rates and nearby restaurants and hotel closest to all shopping areas. Sigh... I even said that we can go to Hawaii and then this time try Maui. Since we've been in Oahu atleast twice. Maui would be a new one. Too bad they're not as adventurous as me. I would love to go to Hong Kong or Seoul Korea.
Red, I wonder if your insomnia is based on your body still working on the time clock when you were caregiving your MIL. When my mom passed away last year, I still kept waking up at the usual time I get up to suction her. It took several months. But, I'm now able to sleep all the way through.
Hi Missmel. when you feel like sharing with us what's up with you and mom, please feel free to do so.
Glad! 530am! You need to sleep one more hour. Try those meditations. Doesn't work for me much.
And I'm pretty sure all your guests at the pot-luck will look on top of your fridge to make sure it's clean....man, don't we do some crazy stuff sometimes.... lol Meet your guests at the door with your purse on your arm..... be proud !!!!
MisMel... come back and tell us more of your story, maybe we can help, if not, we can support you.....
Book, hope you had a good time...
Have so much to do today need to get going..... off for two whole days....
hugs, love, angels and chocolate...
LadeeM - L sounds like my dad. I now have to lower the TV volume. When he wakes up from a nap, he gets confused. Thinks the TV is real. Answers or responds back to it. Sometimes when he gets soooo angry at me and tries to hit/kick me. Twice he apologized afterwards and said that his (then he points to his head and does that crazy sign with his finger.) He said that it's getting harder for him to control himself.