This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Glad, I think it would do your family members a power of good to see Teepa's vivid and lucid explanations - only, I'm not sure I'd start them on that one. She's such a brilliant communicator it might be better to give them one of her 'dementia overviews' first as an introduction, then follow up with what they can do to help you. Just a thought x
One thing mentioned in the video is that only one in five families make it through the maze of caring for a parent with dementia without destroying family bonds. Unbelievable,, but from what we all have seen here...
Except about your sisters: CALL THEM. What have you got to lose? I think very little of my siblings' efforts, too; and I know that feeling that if they were ever going to get their fingers out and help they'd have done it by now; but seriously - if there's any chance one of them could at least come and stay so that you can have a night's sleep, it would be something. Ask. If they say no, you're no worse off and at least you'll all know where you stand.
Big hug, hang in there, but do something! - you can't take much more of no sleep.
It takes up the time of a nurse and it is something they hate to have to do but it is their job.
Monday are you getting help. Your grief is far too profound for you to tolerate.
Please see your Dr and be honest about what is going on. There is help for you.
Wanting, dehydration can cause weakness leading to a fall. Confusion is also a symptom. Just thinking and wondering why she fell. I am with you in thought {hug} and hope things improve quickly for your mom.
They dont' know if she is going to come out of it enough to come home. This may be the end of that stage.
She is in the hospital, my sister is with her. they said that someone needed to stay with her because she'll try to get out of bed...last night in the ER, she was distraught and very combative. twice she flung her legs into the rails trying to force her way through them. Screaming and crying..she doesn't want to go to a NH, she says she'll run away and we'll never see her again, that she won't let any of us come see her, she doesn't ever want to see any of us again, she's worthless and has nothing anymore..
it is easier to deal with her when she's angry than it is to see her cry...it breaks my heart then I cry and that's no help for anyone. I try really hard to be stoic for her and the rest of the family but I did cry some last night. Particularly when she was telling my sister that I didn't want to stay with her.
I don't understand why God made dying and getting old soo hard for us.
Wanting hopefully the Dr will figure out what's going on with your Mom.. Hugs..
Photo I'm horrified to read what you're going through. It isn't anybody's fault but a nightmare is still a nightmare. Your poor strong man, and poor poor you. Big hug to you.
Shilo if there's one thing that makes you want to narrow your eyes and bite somebody, it's that self righteous jobsworth attitude on them. Particularly heavy, sharp box of Kleenex, was it? Could have put somebody's eye out? Hope you're not going to let her loose with the cotton wool balls, then, who knows what might happen?
The doctor doesnt' know if she'll recover or not. She can't come home like that though so this may be it.
My sister stayed with her last night, I got home about three. On my way back up there, feeling guilty for taking these few minutes this morning to try to breath. Mom didn't want me to leave. In one of her coherent comments, she cried that I didn't want to stay with her.
The fighting is so much easier to deal with emotionally than the crying. She doesn't want to go to a nursing home...she says she'll run away.
Google
"Coming to Colorado to tackle dementia" which in in the paper today. Maybe alternative therapy would help.