This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Chocolate comes from cocoa which comes out of a tree. That makes it a plant. Therefore chocolate counts as salad... The End....
See, I was just trying to keep all of you healthy.... now that IS love !!!
drugs seem to calm him, then the heart breaker is even though he in incoherent he cries which breaks my heart. When I am not there, he calls my name and I am trying to find a small assisted care place with 6 patients but I fear they will not take him because he is so hard to take care of. What if no one will take him....then what do I do. If I had the heart and the guts, and the means, I would put him out of his misery. No one can know the pain we are going through. Lewy Body Dementia is the worst of the worst. My biggest fear is no one will take him. What the hell to I do????
When the power came on, nephew came back to disconnect the generator. The generator is in the back of the house outside the middle bedroom's window. The extension cord goes from the back of the house, through our Middle bedroom (haunted scary room), down the hallway and then to the fuse box in the inside kitchen. At nights, if I walk away from the house, I get a feeling of being watched and I'm Not Welcomed. In the house, Before dad's stroke, the Middle bedroom gave me the Nilly-willies. It gave everyone the nilly-willies.
My nephew can See the spirits from the side of his eyes or in mirrors. The spirits outside the house likes him more than me. He rarely feels scared when he walks out at nights and make sure everything is okay around both our homes.
So, after the power came on, my nephew came to the house to disconnect the generator. He went into the Middle room to pull the extension back into the house. I was in the livingroom. I heard a crash, a slam and nephew came running out of the bedroom! I stared at him puzzled. His eyes were wide and he said, "They 'visited' me." and he just shuddered. He asked if he can borrow my flashlight so that he can go back to generator. I said, "I would offer to go with you, but the outside spirits don't like me." He reassured me that the outside spirits don't bother him... just the scary one in the Middle bedroom.
Sigh... I've been afraid of that bedroom since a teenager ... until dad's stroke. After his stroke, the "feeling" of it in there is gone. I can walk into that room and I feel NOTHING. Oldest sis talks to them. She told me that my room also has spirits. But I've never really felt them in there. She tells me that at nights, outside her bedroom window where the washing machine is located, she hears a long scratching along the window's screen. She tells herself that it's just a cat. Now THAT is scary! She only mentioned this to me because last weekend, I did several loads of laundry. I usually do only 2 loads. But that day, I was on the 3rd load. As I was bending to get the clothes out, I heard this really loud Sigh right behind me on my right side. I paused and told myself NOT to look behind me. To pretend that I didn't hear it. Because I Know that there's no real person in the area - the only one to sigh would be a spirit. Ewww!!! I am soooo glad that that was my last load. And in the late morning!
Husband and I went last night to local garden fair then strolled around the grounds then off for a quick bite to eat.
Didn't really sleep any better though.
This morning planted my purchases and others, some other garden task then a nice nap on the patio.
Sent my husband out for a puzza and a movie and margarita's later too! Ah life before dad moved in.
Will pick dad up about 7 pm tomorrow night and then get back to the daily grind hopefully with a better attitude.
LadeeM - I am so glad that you are feeling better after some rest. Your DIVA sounds like my jazzy. Please take care of YOU!!!
Well I cannot be really hard on Bro right now. I found an apartment (A really nice one with a closed in patio). Microwave in the kitchen and brand new appliances. It has also been recently renovated. I need him to loan me money so I can move in. I was very lucky with the place. The problem is that we don't get any money until closing on the 23rd. First we have to have the inspection and appraisal. I need to move into my new place on the 13th. Oh lord I just now really thought of the date. I also need to keep the electricity on till the 24th. I had to get a storage facility to move some of my things from the house. I cannot believe that I am moving to a new place. I don't know how Jazzy the cat will feel about our new place. She lived in my old apartment for eight years and then here of eight years. She will have to get used to it just like me. Well, I will try and get back on later but I have to start packing up. You know what I hate about moving is that you sweat and sweat packing up everything and then you have to unpack every thing and find new places for it to go. LOL
Take care of ya'll.
pay the bills and
Book: I don't know WHAT she wears half the time (which is kinda scary). When she's home, I think she only wears her gown, so I ordered some *free* Depends. I forgot the website, but if you Google it, you'll find out how. She'll probably be insulted, but I am SO beyond caring about that right now....