This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
The agent wants to put a For Sale sign up outside. I've been against that because if people come knocking at the door - and they will, no matter how big the 'strictly by appointment only' lettering is - and I don't happen to hear them then mother will be leaping out of her chair to go and answer, and it's incredibly dangerous. I've agreed to try it: I'll persuade mother to sit in her other little living room, which looks onto the back garden; and the first time somebody knocks without an appointment that sign comes straight down again.
But mainly, you know what? I'm just not going to watch this pot.
A nap, I know at first it has to be hard, almost keeping one ear open... but was happy to hear you enjoyed your day.... just take it easy for a little while.. I can tell you like to be busy.... but give yourself a much needed 'time out'.... hugs to you !!! And chocolate !!!
You are quite right if ex wants to sell house he has to work at it too. Buyers decide on a house within the first minute so first impressions are essential. The ex can clean the windows and cut the lawn for starters. if a house in not occupied they will put a lock box on the door with your permission and then the realtors come and go and avoid the selling realtor because they don't want to alert anyone that there is interest in the property. It is also much better if the owners are no where in sight.
house clean, uncluttered and smelling sweet. All evidence of pets hidden nothing worse than a litter box under the table and cats everywhere. A pie or bread baking gives a nice homey feeling especially in a country home like yours CM, and that monster stove is wonderful "every home should have one" I did have a real estate licence about 20 years ago but have also been closely involved in renovating and staging houses recently. it is essential to price ones house not more than 10 % higher than comparable homes in the area and be prepared to take less. I have found that the earliest offer you recieve even if you don't like it will probably be close to your final price. Of course you will get ridiculously low offers and you just send them back.I really enjoy staging houses and if I was younger that would probably be my next career. I am pretty good at refinishing furniture and reupholstery so it is all fun. Not for You CM and Lav but this too will pass.
You are quite right if ex wants to sell house he has to work at it too. Buyers decide on a house within the first minute so first impressions are essential. The ex can clean the windows and cut the lawn for starters. if a house in not occupied they will put a lock box on the door with your permission and then the realtors come and go and avoid the selling realtor because they don't want to alert anyone that there is interest in the property. It is also much better if the owners are no where in sight.
house clean, uncluttered and smelling sweet. All evidence of pets hidden nothing worse than a litter box under the table and cats everywhere. A pie or bread baking gives a nice homey feeling especially in a country home like yours CM, and that monster stove is wonderful "every home should have one" I did have a real estate licence about 20 years ago but have also been closely involved in renovating and staging houses recently. it is essential to price ones house not more than 10 % higher than comparable homes in the area and be prepared to take less. I have found that the earliest offer you recieve even if you don't like it will probably be close to your final price. Of course you will get ridiculously low offers and you just send them back.I really enjoy staging houses and if I was younger that would probably be my next career. I am pretty good at refinishing furniture and reupholstery so it is all fun. Not for You CM and Lav but this too will pass.
Help me, please!
One of those days...the kind that mom keeps asking for the same thing even after I give it to her. "Can I have a piece of toast with PB?" (peanut butter) "Can I have a piece of toast with PB now?" "Now can I have a piece of toast with PB?" "Is it time for me to have a piece of toast with PB on it?" "What can I have for a snack, a piece of toast with PB?" "Is there anything I can have for a snack like a piece of toast with PB?" This morning after she had the toast twice already she asked again. I smiled and gave her a hug. She hugged me back. Then she said, "That was a hug, not a piece of toast with PB!"
Goodness, I think it's the sheer rudeness and the sheer unreasonableness and sheer bloody high-handedness that would make me see red. I had a similar - not as bad - time a couple of weeks ago, very busy day, viewers coming at 11:00, mother off to a slow start, laundry all over the place, and while I was rushing around trying to get the house in a fit state for the potential buyers I thought "hang on. Ex wants to sell the house. Estate agent earns a big fat fee. How come it's ME cleaning up, and ME showing these people round? Bollocks!"
Happily the viewers were extremely nice people and all was well, but it did make me put my foot down. Any further viewings are to be guided by ex or by estate agent, but not by me. Not doing it. They can like it or lump it.
So, hand the thing over lock stock and barrel to your realtor and your brother, and let them deal with viewers. And then, if they're idiotic and discourteous enough to turn up without adequate notice to you, they'll have no one to blame but themselves if they don't like what they see.
One for the ages, isn't it… how to get brothers to treat their sisters with a modicum of ordinary decent manners. Fume.
CM, I soooo totally agree with you. I sure miss when I used to live by myself with just the 2 bedridden parents. The sinks (all of them) were clean, the trash was taken out, I swept the floors, etc.... When sis came, I figured that she was going to help out and so I stopped sweeping. As for the sinks, sis keeps clogging up the bathroom sink with bits of food. As for the kitchen sink, my 23year old niece washed the rice pot. She took out the strainer and the sink clogged up from the rice and other food that she allowed to go down the drain.
And just in case, I'd start looking in the phone book and googling about the realtors in your area. Research it, take notes. Just so that if something happens, you can flip open that little notebook and say that you've been researching and find so-and-so from this-that-company. And you won't be bluffing because you already did the research and that so-and-so is Your Plan B.
Glad - Yes, I agree with you. I will not be going back. Take care of YOU!!!
Red - That is great. Garage sales are a pain but you got some money out of the deal and Goodwill got some things that they can sell. When the people came to take all the stuff I had in the house it was like a new house. Mom loved clutter. Relax honey you deserve it. Take care of YOU!!!
Assande - You are a very brave daughter to take your mom. LOL I can just see you telling her about the cans. I would have said my name is ____ not SHE. My mom bought all kind of food when we would go to the grocery. She loved Wal-Mart and we would spend a least two hours there each time. When she passed I had to go through the pantry and get rid of the leftover food items that I would never eat. Well, Catholic charities was glad to get it. Hey, did you let your hubby get the fruit? LOL Take care of YOU!!!
You all have get my mind off my troubles. This is going to be another long one. Yesterday, I went to the grocery early and did other errands. I got home and there was a message from the realtor. I called him back as soon as I saw the message. Which was 20 minutes later. He had another realtor showing the house. I had two hours to clean the house. I started right away. I thought that I would call my bother later. I was in and out of the house picking up and getting everything to look nice and clean. I then noticed that Bro had called and then texted. It was an angry message and text. He was berating me about not calling the realtor and not calling him back. I got so ANGRY. So I did a stupid thing. I texted him back and told him that I was cleaning the house and to leave me alone. He really got angry. Told me "how DARE you telling me that. So now he is going to call the realtor to not call me but to call him instead when he wants to show the house. I will be out of the loop...This phone thing has been a problem before. I guess he just thinks I don't do anything but wait for the phone to ring. Bro thinks because he has given me money that he has control over me. All I could think of yesterday was that Mom controlled me and now he is. I need this house sold and to get a job. I cannot be under bro's thumb anymore. Thank God that he lives an hour away. He better not show up here because the door is locked and chained and he is not welcome. The house is half mine. I will not be bullied anymore. I am calling the realtor to tell him to give me at least a half hour before he calls bro. I am being treated like a child and a stupid one at that.
It's disconcerting when they start telling you about an event you were both just at; but it's even worse when she tells you that you were there, too. Er, yes, I was, and "mother, who do you think I am, that you're talking to now?" When this happened, mother laughed, patted my hand and said "oh I know who you are!" I'm really not sure she did, at the time...
So am guessing the sibs did a pass on mom birthday...... probably a blessing in disguise..... but glad that the fire department didn't have to be called !!!! Hang in there... this only happens once a year Thank God... sending you lots of hugs for accomplishing one more daunting caregiver task....
Hours later she was telling me about going out and asked me if I was there? I was sitting right next to her! She only remembered my friend & my husband being there because they were sitting across from her!
After we went to the supermarket and she wanted to buy 5 cans of beans they were 5/$4..I told her one is enough and it's still on sale. She got pissed and put all cans back, so she saw my husband looking at some cut up fruit and said "you better put that down SHE won't let you get it". LOL
Prevention is better than cure, as you say; but the trouble with that is, it relies on our being the only ones using the sink! Prevention is not the strong suit of people who don't have the hassle of clearing the wretched thing out, unfortunately.
I just cannot believe they want YOU to pay for the background check! I would keep looking, and we have all learned something. Reputable companies if they want to hire you will pay for it, and will not ask your age. That actually makes me angry!
Apparently l am still tired today, hence the grumpiness.... I know each of you understand.... its just crappy that this is what we all have in common, instead of getting to share exotic vacations with each other...... hugs to you all....