This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Lav –- I did not know that job applicants have to pay the cost for the company to do background checks. That’s like adding insult to injury – if they don’t hire you. That’s like how the airlines now charge you for your checked baggage And now your meals on the plane. We spend like $2000.00 on air ticket and we also now must spend $ for the meals. I can understand if we paid only $300.00 for a ticket. I can see the loss of doing business by providing free meals per person. I mean just fuel surcharge alone is about $600.00 of the ticket price. $355.00 is a lot of money for a person who is applying at different companies. No wonder a lot of people don’t have a job. You have to have money to even get a foot in the door. =(
CM –- thanks, though. I keep telling myself that but I guess it isn’t working as I thought it would. Oh, well. That’s life. You do what you have to do.
Veronica –- When I read your first sentence, I was confused. What nursing books? Then I ‘caught on’ to your comment. I chuckled. That helped a lot to prepare me for the rest of your words. I’m really glad you did go to details. Because I would have tried googling more info on it and then ‘wing it’ on my own. Oops… I won’t tell you how often the exit of the bag touched the jar full of urine. Let’s just say it’s like 99% of the time. I will now have to raise the bag higher when it comes to emptying it.
57twin – Hi!
Did't feed him lunch so they came over to my SIL after the shower and I fixed my dad a plate. Dad did manage to lose my sunglasses I had in the truck. He is eating a late dinner now but when I asked what he did today he doesn't remember a single thing. *sigh*.
I've watched and re-watched several videos on how to make a hole in the bread egg breakfast. I'm now ready to try it first time now. This time, since I know sis will end up eating my 2nd portion of my breakfast (even though she only cooks for herself but has no hesitation at all in eating My cooked food), I will have to make extras for her. Otherwise, my 2nd portion (for lunch) will be eaten (not by me). So, 3 egg sandwich to go and some fried hot sausages on the side.
Thanks for the detailed instructions. The one I found in Google did not go into detail like you did. It just said what I wrote earlier. You and I know that eventually I'm going to end up doing it no matter how much I don't want to. As long as I don't have to insert that tube IN his penis, I'm fine. I copied and pasted your info on my desktop file "Dad's Urinary." I sooooo appreciate your very Practical Advice! {{{HUGS}}}
Now take a deep breath or two, be a brave girl, and continue to read.
First of all hang up the handle to his pully so he can't hit you with it. After you change his Pamper and all the poop is cleaned up before you fix the sides. get a clean washbowl some warm water and soap and a clean wash cloth and towel or use paper towels (The "good" ones that don't fall apart.). Lay a towel under the offending part and turn your back to his face. Pick up the penis in one hand and with the other pull back the foreskin to reveal the head. OK another deep breath. Take your soapy cloth and wash around the catheter then around the rest of the penile head. Rinse well in clear water to get all the soap off. If there are any crystals under the foreskin leave that for a real nurse, they have been there for years so a few more days won't hurt. See you have both survived. Caked on blood around a catheter is not a good thing.
When you empty a catheter bag you should wear gloves as you should with any personal care. Do not disconnect the bag from the catheter. Wipe the outlet to the bag with a spirit swab and empty it into a container at the bedside. Don't allow the end of the exit to the bag to touch the container. Wipe the end again and close it up. Dispose of the urine in the toilet and rinse the container.
Write a very nasty note to whoever left a bowl of bloody urine in the bathroom.
You should be given a new collection bag once a week. There should be a hole at the top of the bag that can be hooked to the bed with an S hook or just tied up with a piece of string. if the urine is not draining look to see if there are any big clots in the tubing. You may be able to squeeze them and milk them down the tube into the bag.
Sorry I know that is far more than you wanted to know. At least you know what to do even if you choose not to do it.
I never thought to see if the original poster responded to all of you hijacking her subject and turning it around. At least now she knows where to go if she runs across an acronym she doesn't understand.
TS - tough *hit
LadeeM, I missed "the thread" you mentioned. Can you post it again.
With my mother, the inhibitions around seeing her in the bath, helping her clean up after toileting and so on have gradually fallen away; so I HOPE that as her needs increase I'll be able to adjust (not without qualms). But if it had been my dad, well. I don't know. It just is different.
If you feel this is something you're not going to be able to manage, I think you should perhaps be clear about that with his medical team and get them to supply support, if possible. I don't think you're being unreasonable or squeamish, but if it's important to his wellbeing then it needs to be done by somebody else.
I'm so sorry to have been right about your dress. I had a cashmere jumper I adored and tried everything to get rid of that faint but pervasive odour, then eventually I threw it away in a really foul mood - it's SO frustrating.
Anyway, I got distracted in my googling. Did you know that I'm not suppose to allow the urine bag from touching any surfaces? Well, I read that and looked at it dangling and touching the towel on the floor. Did you know that I'm suppose to clean the area where the catheter goes in? I've been avoiding it all this time when I changed his pamper. Did you know that I'm suppose to wipe the catheter's spigot with alcohol? Did you know that I'm not suppose to make the bag get full?
Well, I did NOT know all that. When they inserted the foley the first time, I asked the nurse and doctor how do I disconnect it so that I can empty the urine in the toilet. The doctor had this look of horror. The nurse said that I should not try to disconnect the bag. I just need to use a jar and drain the urine in it. I stared at the bag trying to figure out how to make the urine come out. I asked how. He said to just press down on the switch. Like I'm suppose to know what it looks like it. I stared at the whole bag trying to figure out what part was the switch. He pointed it to me. So, I asked him, "Can you show me how to do it?" I squatted down with him and watched Where he pressed on the bag. The next urine bag he replaced did not have the snap. I stared it and then asked sis how do I unlock it. This had a switch that you move from left to right.
Yes, yes, anyone with common sense would know how to operate this without being told. But I don't have one. And so I ask questions. When I still don't understand verbal instructions, then ask to show me how. I'm more of a visual person than verbal.
Ugh! I'm going to have clean him THERE?!?! You know, I haven't been doing it all these months. Can't I just continue to Not do it? I don't think I can do it. I've not been a thorough caregiver when it comes to cleaning his male private part. I just can't do it. I've been uhm... skipping cleaning that area all this time. Even before he had the catheter. I cannot do it while he's lying there, looking at me touching him there. He's just going to have to suffer repeated infection. Gosh, I'm tearing up. Darn conscience is going to fight me on this. Venting here because I'm trying to prolong not changing his pamper which the poop has been touched and most likely is no longer where it belongs.
LadeeM keep bugging her until you get your money!
Lab blowhard? You get stuff done, nothing wrong with that!
About the water bill. Just go done there and shove the canceled check in the ladies face.. That way you'll be done with the whole thing until next bill comes! One less thing to think about...
And I've always 'had a pair', my problem has always been knowing when to keep my mouth SHUT.....LOL.. like you, I am just not happy in my situation... but we are both doing what needs to be done to find what we are looking for..... apparently neither one of us has much patience anymore..... but that's ok too.... a hundred years from now it will not matter that you hung up on that lady today..... you are stressed and needing some thing to come together for you.... it will happen.... just hang on a little while longer.... you are worth the work you are putting in to make things right for yourself..... hugs and chocolate to you my friend....
Ya, I'll get my money Lav.... I am not that old ladee that would have stayed, no matter what.... that kind of loyalty died when I worked for C..... I am not the same person.... and in some ways that is good.... I am at a new level of self honesty...... and in many ways it is very liberating.... isolating also.... as I feel I don't always have someone to share with, the way I am feeling and thinking now.....I don't mean you guys, I mean f2f,,,,,, (that last one is surely going to upset the lady that posted about our 'abbreviations' getting her goat...)
By the way, that thread has turned into a fun place.... yall might want to read it... and of course contribute.....poor lady has created a monster and didn't have a clue what was going to happen.....but we are having fun... and we so rarely get to do that....
So Lav, if for some reason my getting my pay turns into a 'thing', you will hear the explosion all the way to your house..... hope you are doing well... How is the job hunt going...??? hugs and chocolate to you !!!!
Sounds as bad as Christmas! Birthdays are that way here. Narc sis always wants a big July party for herself and any others in July. Problem is all those others are my kids and they have other things that they want to do. BOO HOO says narcsis.