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LadeeM - You get your money girl. You know, they need a caregiver from hell just so they can MAYBE appreciate the fact that they are lucky enough to have you. What is wrong with these people. I hope that you get the rest you need. Maybe you should have a time card that they need to sign every day to document the hours you are there. By the way, my cat sounds like yours. Jazzy is very demanding in her old age. Hmmmm,just like mom was. Isn't that strange. Jazzy is spending a lot of time outside now. Her favorite thing is to lick the water off the plants after I water everything. She waits for me every day to do this even though she has a full water bowl out there,. LOL Please take care of YOU!!!!
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got real mad at my dad today for taking flowers out of the trunk of my car then he didnt remember where he put them. actually swore at him
But on the other hand found a girl going to college for nursing in the fall and she was looking for part time respite care work and does have some experience! Yay!! very flexible on when she can help out. Should work out great for a good part of the summer.
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Tomorrow is Mom's 92nd birthday! I dread it.. I plan to take her to lunch but I am not looking forward to the complaining..

"It's cold in here"
"The vegetables are to hard"
"Look how fat that person is"
"Can't those parents control that child"
"I can't believe you ate all that food"
"I'm tired"
"I don't feel good"

On top of it all my useless siblings may or may not call and if they do Mom starts thinking they are coming over and she gets all confused for days and keeps thinking she has to feed them which hasn't happened in 20 years!!!

And if they do decide to grace us with their presence, they just show up with no phone call!

I can't wait till it's over!
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Finally got back on here. As regards to my sister, I think it is a hopeless case. She's going to do what she wants. No matter how much I protest, she still does it her way. For my physical and mental health, I just let her do it. You teach people how much you will tolerate. Apparently I will tolerate a lot.
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Overwhem...I'm so sorry...it's so frustrating when they think that they're clean because their nose no longer works. They've lost their sense of smell. So to them, because they don't smell awful, they think they're clean. But for us, our nose works well, and they really smell. If the showering is a constant battle for you both, you may need to think of just doing it once a week. After a while, she won't even want to do once a week but once twice a week. My father had reached that stage when he had his stroke.

I learned a lot from the YouTube video of Teepa Snow. I like her mini series: Making visits Valuable. I even put it on my Favorite Bar icon for easy find when I need a refresher course on understanding those with dementia. She also covered in it about showering. {{Hugs}}

I'd quickly click on this link and bookmark it.
youtube/watch?v=sUgPm8RMa48
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Hi everyone So my Mom and I had a bantering match the other day she try's every excuses to get out of having a shower, so I lost my patience and said if you keep this up I an going to call your Doctor and she will send in the respite care lady's an they will do it because Mom I am fed up!! Then she wanted to wear underwear that she wore the other day she said they were clean still well I said they are dirty and than it was the pants but I gave in on that part because I check them and they still looked clean so that was more arguing. She starting crying I felt so bad I starting crying then she said sorry for giving me such a hard time for having a shower.Then I am saying sorry then we are hugging and crying saying sorry to each other. But I continue to feel guilty very easily and worry about it that is my problem.
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Book, if you go shopping, if you are not comfortable in a dress (I know exactly where you are coming from), find a nice pair of black slacks. Everybody needs at least one.
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Red, I would wear the slacks option if I had a very fancy one. I would need to get a whole new set which may end up more than a dress. Too bad I didn't have one already in my closet! I hope the weather holds out so that you can have a successful garage sale. You all are having some dramatic weather there.

CM - unfortunately, you are correct. I Febrezed, Dawned and vinegared my dress in the wash. The smell is still there. Tomorrow I will check out the dresses at sis. If not fits me, off to Ross I go. Macy's is way too expensive for me.
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LadeeM I always remember a disc jockey talking one day about his cat who would sit on top of the fridge and fix him with a steady gaze that plainly said "I think you DO know where the can-opener is…"
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I don't know if the Diva cat can see images in my head, but that girl and I have been together so long.... I really don't have to say much to her.... and she is not a 'talker' unless she is hungry.... and it sounds like 'NOW, NOW NOW"... lol

This has been the week from h*ll....and last night was just the worst.... already too tired, and got my check... she didn't pay me for 12 hours..... then L just wasn't about sleeping last night....up, down, get dressed, get undressed, a lot of 'looking for the children' last night.... and about 3 I hear her, go to her room and she is standing there buck ass naked !!!!! I was too tired to think it was funny,then she goes to the bathroom, puts all her clothes and nightgown in the dirty clothes hamper.... get her a fresh gown....and I hear water running.... she is taking A BATH AT THREE THIS MORNING !!!!..... more up and down.... I was so d*mned glad to drive away from there this morning.....

Sooooo, I am going to put my gripey butt to bed, turn the phone off.... and sleep until I wake up...... no alarm today..... hope everyone has some sense of sanity today...... TGIF..... hugs and chocolate everyone...
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I'm convinced cats and dogs see the images in our heads. Couldn't care less about our words or tones of voice. I believe in the 'whisperers' because they just 'connect' with the animal.
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LadeeM there's a Larson cartoon of a dog and a cat listening to their 'owners' - the dog hears "Rex blah blah blah blah blah boy!"

The other speech bubble, the one the cat's listening to, is a blank. But actually I think you're right: they DO understand every word they say. And?

But, awww, she's 20? And peeved with you?

No, I would still be cross. But I'd probably roll myself up in my duvet and sleep on the couch… mañana...
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Hey everyone... well the internet server thing has turned into a clusterf**k, so I may have internet, or I may not... sort of like my life... lol.... anyway, if ya'll don't hear from me for awhile, at least you will know what is going on...... but so far, here I am.... taaa daaa...

Yes Lav, I am finally taking care of me..... and this will be my last 60 hr. week... if the other girl doesn't come back, well, guess the family will be doing the 'caregiver scramble' for Thursday night.... not gonna do it....

L has had another TIA,,, she is one cranky old lady, and of course its all about "I'm going home"..... and keeping her in the house and off the highway trying to flag down an 18 wheeler to take her home..... Lord, If I EVER loose my sense of humor... I am doomed.....

Came home this morning... brain dead....I start to feel like I am drunk by the end of the week... hate that feeling.... so I come in, go thru my little rituals, get ready for bed.......... and my 20 yr. old cat had peed on my bed!!!!!!!!! I won't even go into the drama that ensued, but she just looked at me like..... whats your problem!!!!! She misses me and has to spend too much time alone.... is that an excuse..... uh NO!!!! So that is how my day started or ended??? Not sure when you work nights how that works..... but I did not have the energy to do anything but change the bed and fall into it..... she is setting her now staring at me..... so I need to go have a long talk with her..... LOL..... she is a CAT.... she doesn't give a flying f**k.....

Hope everyone found one thing to be grateful for today.... love you all..... and LadeeC, thanks for the hug and the chocolate.....
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Just collected 'baby' daughter (aged 26) from her pre-training teaching experience at our local state school - she loved it, yay!!!

But talking to her about it made me realise, coincidentally, that she thinks of me as being of retirement age. Apparently there was one 'older' teacher at the school who (shocked tones) was "perhaps in her 40s?"

So next time my son prods me in the chest and says "You're going in a home!" perhaps I shouldn't assume a) that he's joking and b) that he doesn't mean any time soon.
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Book I'm a social phobic too. Choice of enter a room full of people I don't know or snatch up a tray and pretend I'm a waitress, I'll do the waiting every time. But I've been told and found it true that the trick is to be interested in the other people you're introduced to. It stops you worrying about what they think of you because your mind is on your impression of them.
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Shilo - I was there with taking care of my mom. I could not afford to work and make sure that she was getting her needs met. So I quit work and cared for my mom. From the beginning I called the state asking if they paid for caring for her. They said because she was my mother I would be denied. I did not know about the widow of a veteran being able to get money to help out caring for my mother. I wish I had known about it earlier. I wish you luck with it. If I remember correctly it was a company that would fight for you for benefits with the VA. Good Luck. Take care of YOU!!!!!
Tex - It is easy to get burned out. My feelings and heath were put on the back burner. I got so sick mentally and physically that I was diagnosed with very high blood pressure and severe depression. I had to get on Medicaid but I was feeling a lot better. So please take care of YOU!!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!! .
LadeeM - Hi - It seems that you are able to let it go when you leave for the day. That is really good for you. It really is a good thing!!! You know let go let GOD!!! You may feel like you are not feeling anymore than you used to but I see it as finally taking care of YOU!!! Hope to see you soon on here girl.
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Book, baking soda won't dis-color the clothing but try what you have at home.
Looks like you and I could talk awhile about headaches. Mine usually begin as muscle spasms that trigger the migraine or tension headache. Nausea can be a result of the headache. Light, noise and smell also trigger my headaches. As my neurologist told me, mine are not "true migraines".

Don't put too much stress on yourself to fit in and join in on every conversation. If a group is talking about something you are familiar with and can add to the conversation than do so. Don't make the evening any more difficult on yourself than it needs to be. You are going to the dinner for an award and I hope you will let yourself relax, be yourself and enjoy the evening. Who cares if you are not dressed to others satisfaction. Who cares if you are not the queen of conversation. Are you not the one receiving the award? Are you not the special one of the evening? P.S. - Remember to smile so the pictures turn out real good.
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Shilo, I read about the baking soda with Dawn. But, I was worried that the baking soda would turn it white and bleach out my nice red top half and the brand new looking black skirt (1 piece dress that looks like a 2 piece.) Anyway, I don't have baking soda.

Shilo, lastnight when I had my terrible headache, I did a very hot shower. I get these bad headaches like several weeks at a time. I would get it all day, all night, wake up with it, bear it all day, go to sleep with it. After 2 weeks of non stop pain, I go to the clinic to help me with the pain. And I tell the doctor my pain and they just prescribe regular over the counter painkillers. It's a combo headache - tension, migraine, sinus - as far as I can tell. Nausea is the migraine.

And yes, you're right, I'm stressing about the dinner. I am an introvert. The last dinner function I went to, I tried to strike up conversation but my seat mates were not really into it. They all knew each other and talked about their personal lives. Then they got up and left me all by myself on the table. I was very uncomfortable. I have even ordered a used book on "How to Talk to Anyone." I took a peek on the writing. The writer is not boring or too technical. I was suppose to read a few paragraphs a day. Seems now that the bosses will require I attend these dinner functions, I'd better learn to make conversations. :/
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Book - Here's one of those cases misery doesn't like company but understands it all too well. I have been battling with a spasm headache since last Friday. Try wearing sunglasses to help with the glare of the computer. Also, if you need heat on your neck/shoulder try moist heat. You can put a wet hand towel in the cover of a heat pad to make it a moist heat pad. If it is an ice pad that helps the neck, try freezing a big wet sponge in a plastic bag and use that for an ice pack. It doesn't melt all over the place like a bag of ice. Hope some of this makes sense. It's not easy to think when in pain. Could you be stressing about the dinner Saturday? I hope you are looking forward to it and will enjoy it.
Have you added baking soda while soaking the dress overnight?

CM - When I see my mother go into the bathroom, I turn the water on so it is warm by the time she is ready to wash her hands.
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Sorry, CM. I just love it. So much easier!
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How much are they paying you, Glad?! :)
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I think it is this thread that kindle issues are discussed. Went to buy a kindle tw weeks ago, ended up with a Lenovo tablet for twenty dollars more. Finally replacing my HP touchpad which has driven me absolutely nutty for a couple of years now. I just cannot believe the increased functionality and ease of use to say nothing of speed. Wish I could find the punctuation like quotation marks, quotation, etc.////
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Book I don't care what the shop says about no returns no refunds - they gave you that purse unopened so you couldn't examine it, and it has now revealed a defect (i.e. it pongs) that renders it not of merchantable quality. I.e. it is not fit for purpose, i.e. under all consumer law you are entitled to a full refund. Caveat emptor doesn't apply when you can't examine the goods before you pay. And $68.00 is an awful lot for a purse you can't use because it will make everything you put in it whiffy as well. Oo that particular smell - I've got the memory of it in my nose now! It's odd - it's not like it's the worst (goodness knows we've smelt worse things than that!), it's just really annoying?

What's the dress made of? Well, kill or cure I suppose…

Amitriptyline. I was trying to remember the name of the drug my other half was given to treat pain and headaches he was getting from a 'bony spur' on one of his neck vertebrae, and that's it. It's a tricyclic antidepressant, but at a MUCH lower dose - like, 1/10th of the psychiatric therapy - it's said to be effective in treating chronic pain. It takes a while to do anything much, as far as I remember (this was a few years back), but it must have been worthwhile or he wouldn't have persisted with it (he's not keen on pills). It can't hurt to ask, anyway?

Whoops mother's off on her travels again. Heigh ho and away...
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Red bless you for taking care of the little dog and I sure know how much it costs to care for them well. My two, both rescues, eat better than I do. If need be I can always eat beans but there's no way I'm sleeping with a dog that eats beans. The little one sleeps in my bed and her f*rts are bad enough as it is! :)
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Pinched nerve? Maybe!!! CM, the pain always starts on my neck. Then it goes to my head. If I turn my head, the pain is so bad. When I turn it suddenly to the right, there's this very loud and painful "click" on my right neck. Once I turned my head suddenly, the loud painful 'click' and my niece turned to me and asked, "What was that?! That's from your neck?" I just did not connect pinched nerves with the headaches. I thought my neck pain is from the arthritis growing on my neck bones. I had an xray done last year because of my neckache. The doc showed the xray. On the top neck and the bottom neck (head and shoulder area), she pointed to my bones 'thickening'. She pointed the normal bones and then the abnormal top and abnormal bottom bones. I could see it so clearly on the xray. So, all this time, when i turned my head, and it clicked and pop, I thought it was just my thick bones resisting the turn. If the pain continues for several days, I will go see the doc.

CM, no, don't say that about my new $15.00 dress!! I don't want to go shopping anymore. Do you know how difficult it is to find a pretty dress for a 4'11.5" person who weighs only 100 lbs.? Without alterations. I've had several of my clothes altered - and they did a lousy job on it.

My old Lesportsac purse (years of use) was so old looking and faded. So, I bought a new one - on sale for $68.00. 50% off. No returns. No refunds. Do not wash material. They took it from the back room, brought it the cash register still wrapped in its original plastic, and then I paid for it. I came home, opened it up, took it out of the plastic. It had that same smell that is on my new dress! I Febrezed that purse vigorously. It has knocked out like 90% of the smell. BUT it's still there. Hmm... I'm going to Febreze my dress right now. It's 9pm. Then, before I go to bed, I will get a tub of water, put some Dawn dish soap in it (not much) and soak it overnight. Then tomorrow morning, before I change father's pampers at 630am, I will throw it in the washer. Put my cell phone timer for 10 minutes (or 15?) so that I can run out and put 1/2 C of vinegar in the rinse cycle. Let's hope all these measures doesn't literally ruin the material my new dress.

By the way, that bone ortho pillow did wonders with my neck overnight. I slept thru the whole night. Got it at Amazon for about $12.00 + shipping. Time to go. Father keeps looking at me - he wants his pampers changed now.
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I haven't posted here in some time as I ceased being a 24/7 caregiver eighteen months ago when my narc mother went into a NH. After that, as many of you have experienced, there was moving myself and the pets (mid winter with a broken toe), clearing, renovating and selling mother's house at distance and daily screaming tantrum phone calls that eventually made me ill, I changed my phone number and went low contact. Over the winter I hibernated and began to heal from a lifetime of narc.

Deterioration due to age, parkinsons and dementia, along with, another stroke and some TIAs, have pretty much knocked the stuffing out of her and now she can't sit up or stand, is barely able to speak and is no longer obnoxious. As she doesn't like the way the NH hairdresser does it, she wanted to go to a hairdresser in the next village and today's the day. I've made the appointment, paid the hairdresser and booked the paratransit bus to take her. I'll escort, following along in my truck. Between the hairdresser and the bus it's $50 but it's all she has to look forward to and we can do it every so often as long as she's able to go.

In the meantime this is year two of renovation on my "Little House on the Prairie" and it's chaos but it's an investment. Eventually I'll be able to live simply, comfortably and more self sufficiently well within my means. On almost two acres, 158 evergreens were recently planted around the perimeter to grow into a wind break It's been too cold up to now to start the veggie garden. Perennials and more berry bushes going in today.

I've been collecting old windows to be made into a greenhouse come fall and an old shed out back will be fixed up for future chickens. I've turned into a geriatric hillbilly lol
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Don't want to sound snippy, but have these grubby elderly ladies got perching stools by their hand basins? My mother used to dabble her fingers under a dribble of cold water and call that washing because it hurt her back to stand for long enough for the water to run hot and the basin to fill. It's taken some months of standing over her with my hands on my hips (or just doing it for her) but we're getting there, and having the perching stool there does help. I can't bear dirty or sticky hands, it makes my flesh creep, so I'm uninhibited about giving her a hard time over it.

I've given up on the moist toilet tissue, though - she just won't use it, plus it's none too ecologically sound :\ If I have qualms I change her Tena pad and get her to bathe asap.

Book this is migraine is it? Or a trapped nerve? I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling poorly.

I know that smell - don't want to be a doom monger but I've never succeeded in getting rid of it, and you get it in some surprisingly upmarket labels - I think it must be a glitch in the yarn processing early on, because it's like rancid lanolin, isn't it? Hope you've had more luck. Would Febreze be worth a go as a quick cheat's measure?
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Formal dinner is on June 6th. I will drop by sis' house on Sat and check out the dresses. Can't stay too long here. Been having bad headaches for past few days. Yester was the worst. Nausea hit me at work by 3pm, lights were killing me, fallg asleep while driving home. Nausea whole night. Slept early using my ortho neck pillow (bone shape) which helped Tremendously on my neck pain. Feeling better today but have so much to catch up - paying bills and Searching on Google on how to remove that stinky oily smell on my new short dress. I washed it and it came out stinky. Really really stinky. The light on the laptop is hurting my eyes so... I guess I'm still suffering with whatever it was from yesterday. Later...
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Red .. my motto for pets: they don't get what I don't.

Book .. hope your dinner went well!!

LadeeM .. *hugs and chocolate* .. just cuz, and glad you didn't have too long of a break from the web. w00t!
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MIL little dog is a major money pit...We were in and out of the vets in 15 minutes...checked his blood sugar, weighed him and felt for lumps...$88.00 and wants to see him again in 1-2 months...trust me will be at least 2 and maybe stretch it past that. They wanted to clean his teeth...respectfully declined that...a 15 year old dog is going to have some tartar...I'll give him a bone. Husband and I both have blood work in the morning...we have insurance so that won't cost us anything...kind of disturbing to pay 10 times more for the dogs care than we pay for our own...just saying...
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